For the love of....LOVE

Lately, well actually always I'm thinking about love or loving people, places, things. I just made a bracelet that says "l.o.v.e"  chiya. It's that offical. Particularly since I've been in Oz there are some new loves in my life and I just want to give them some blog love so here I go (in no particular order)

1. feta cheese
2. cornflakes
3.olives
4. pigeons
5. people running
6. when you lock eyes with someone and than both instantly look away
7.touching or high-fiving leaves
8. fashion
9. chicken on a stick
10. donut time
11. cinnamon
12. my co workers
13. de-cafe coffee
14. soya sauce
15. sushi
16. putlocker.is
17. Australians saying "water or art or reckon or ta or how ya going"
18. meeting someone from north america
19. when someone says something about my "accent"
20. grocery shopping
21. peanut butter
22. my ankles
23. the way people panic when it rains
24. the pause between the time the walking light turns green and the first step
....


Oh I knoooww my life is so exciting!! I dont think simple is a bad word. I also think I am easily pleased. Yesterday my roommate and I did the Bondi to Coogee walk , I helped her with her pronunciation of some words! ( she's from France) and she helped me with some French! It was soo funny because for at least a half hour we were singing "drop it like it hawwtttt" and with her frenchy-ness it was honestly the funniest thing. The mind can become so over workerd with worldly problems and responsiblilities. These little things keep me light.  It might be intersting to come up with your own little list!

Stop! Drop! ROAD TRIP!!

Today marks 5 months since I've been in Sydney. A lot has happened . Mostly inwardly . But today also marks 30 days till me, my roommate and a couple friends embark on a month long road trip! Yes you heard it here first folks. 3-4 friends, one campervan and 30 days on the road. We are off to see the wizard, we are headed down the yellow brick road to Oz, preparing for take off, all system goes, one may even use the term lit .

Actually it's gonna be quite hectic! (In case you didn't notice I'm a seasoned aussie now)
I'm one of my last posts I mentioned doing farm work and getting another visa to stay here for another year.... well things change. Hearts break but wounds heal.

Jk there was no heart break involved but basically the job I thought I had fell threw and I thought WHHHAAATT AM I GONNA DOOOO and my lovely roommate said ROOAAADDD TRIIPPP.

And the rest is futurey.

I'm very very very excited for this! I was beginning to stress myself out a lot with finding a farm job and questioning wether it was what I really wanted and gaining weight and feeling blah and the fact that I am an aunty now. YES I'M AN AUNTY. 

 *side note*
I have always been the baby in my family. I have little to no experience with babies and  watching them grow or growing up with them! I take this Aunty thing as kind of an oath. Because I have insider experience being the baby in my family. For the love of all things that cry, poop themselves and are still irresistible, I must protect that child from the craziness that is my family x the world!!!

So yeah I'm an aunty and I want more than being in Australian a second year to be there for my nieces first birthday! I've also decided I want to learn French , do some sort of exchange and than maybe go to university!

Every person I meet, when I saw "I'm from Canada" they say "Oh cool so you speak French" than I say "we, le chat, jaune, undo twat, j maple Raisha" .

Things change. hearts break. wounds heal. Evanescence writes a song, I sang it to the general practitioner when I got my ankle checked out. He didn't get the reference. Life goes on.

Life goes on! And for this newly pudgy, happiness pursing , no longer teenager me goes on, I feel I am blooming .

Compliments to Strangers

It's great how once the weather starts warming up you can see a change in people, like we bud and bloom with the flowers and come out from hibernations like the squirrels. I've found myself enticed by particularities I notice in people I pass everyday. So much so I started a little list. Basically things I don't say because people would be like wtf. Also I want to post more regularly so I'm writing down more small things! 

Compliments to Strangers part 1.

To the man eating bread: I love you

I love how many shades of beige you're wearing

Lady on bike: I appreciate you for wearing a flouresent vest

You smell like the marshmellow scented marker from elementary school that everyone

wanted to eat

That mustache, YES!!

I love you

To the man running: YES YES YES YOU GO

You smell like fresh lotion, the green one, vaseline brand, aloe vera

I want to stick my pen in your pen holder

Jolly good cap chap

Nice shoes

I love your pants

I love you

I just love you

Man on bike vs me  x narrow un-evenfootpath - I shall giveneth way fort thou to pass my brethren

ps. I recently told a man he smelled soooo good .like amazing. he was flattered!

I Wasn't Expecting to Not Have Time

Synopsis of current events :

⦁ 3 weeks ago I bought a skateboard.
⦁ 5 days in hurt my ankle reeaallly bad
⦁ I prescribed myself rap music and ice to help me walk with a more natural looking limp and  ease the swelling.
⦁ WOE IS ME
⦁ watched some youtube videos on ankle injuries and massages
..woe was me. healed !
⦁ FINALLY registered to sell my jewelry at the Glebe markets!!
⦁ Bought tickets to see Allday at Enmore
⦁ Yay is me.
⦁ I worked 11 days straight 2 weeks in a row...tired is me.
⦁ looking for a farm job to qualify for my 2nds visa, before Novemebr 15th
..... and now.

It's just been one thing after another lately!! For 2 weeks my ankle was messed up and it messed me up inwardly. I felt like the world was weighing heavily on me. Literally because I couldn't put any pressure on it. But I was also feeling just miserable and like it would never get better. Twas frustrated with that, working to much, trying to prepare for the market, and look for a new job.

Alllllll these dramatic things happen at once sometimes and its very stressful and discombobulating. Since my ankle got better I feel better all around, like there's a new zest in my step! This ankle injury got me seriously thinking. A lot of things, now this will sound dramatic but I have a lot of my own philosophy's, I make them all the time and my most recent most relevant to my situations now is

"The Human Errors Conducive With an Expectation of Having More Time"

Book launch date to be announced. Patton pending.Now accepting submissions for cover art!

Yesterday I got a farm job to qualify me for my 2nd year visa. I leave in 1 month!!! This weekend I do the Glebe Market. Whilst in between working like crazy I'm trying to complete a list of things/places I want to see before I leave Sydney.

Every Every day I'm hustling.

Is it just me or is there this invisible feeling or mood of having time to do things later that we succumb to subconsciously. sleep, eat, work, sleep , errands, social time, sleep , work. repeat repeat repeat.

It's surprised me the number of times I heard someone say "we'll it'll always be there" usually when were talking about places to go close to home. And since Sydney has become my home, I definitely feel like I wasted some time. Once I moved into the flat I think I got too comfortable. Than I decided I want to apply for my second visa and it was like "suddenly" I have to tie up a bunch of strings I had let hang loose the last 2-3 months.

this is the start of something new, it feels so right to be here with you wooo ohhhh.

Discombobulating is the perfect word. My head is in like 23 different places at once. Which you can probably understand just from this post!

I'm ready for a change and welcoming this new adventure but I've also become connected with so many amazing people here that I'm very very sad to leave!

This next month is going to be crowded! Stay tuned .

as for the skateboarding... to be or not to be- that is the question..

Confessions of a Chocolaholic Pt. I

I feel like my head is going to explode. And my heart is beating in a rhythm that is trying to soothe my mind but inevitably the brain is the center of control. What is it about vanity. I like to say fuck the what! But seriously what the fuck.

My whole life I've been the runt of my family.

"have more you could use some extra weight"

"I don't think you'll ever gain weight"

"Your so tiny how much do you weigh now"

Weight .weight. weight..

Than the people I love came to the stages of weight gain in life, like a brick thrown at a glass friend who used a reflection to flatter you. Until what was reflected was a fatter you.

Failed diets. Lack of motivation. Chocolate. Cheat nights. Holidays. Gym memberships. Pay cheques down the drain. teas. fast fixes. Magazine covers of "skinny" girls "fit" girls "sexy" girls.  Weight loss goals. Weight gained. Weighing the consequences of each meal. Weighing the amount of carbs per meal. Weight. Weight. Weight

Id been an advocate to my friends and family. A jog buddy. A "swear to start my diet Monday" officiant.  Its hard to see beautiful people not feel beautiful. And because of the fucking what that makes anyone feel inadequate because of an exterior image built on fleshy ideals and size ratios.... "suitable weight for your height." ___lbs and I'll be happy. Just want to get back to a size ____. I'm just not happy with THIS weight, THE weight. MY weight.

WAIT!!!

Compared to the weight we see everywhere. The weight that separates the skinny from the fat. The sexy from the brave. The healthy from the careless. ?

Sexy, beautiful, healthy , fit words written on labels with an adhesive that has fastened our eyes on people of a favourable size.

Those words all of which are as much, if not more so, a state of mind!

Confessions of a Chocolaholic Pt II

I feel sexy when I listen to a soulful song and dance with a syncopated twerk. Beautiful when I swim or sing or feel wind or sunshine . Healthy when I walk to work or take deeeeep breathes out the window. Fit when I step in the help move something and surprise people when my strength!

None of those moments are conducive to a number on a scale or the back on a pair or pants.

Yet lately that is the place I'm looking for them all.

Sexy.. maybe with a little less there and more there.
Beautiful... god not with this belly fat
Healthy... the only thing I ingested today that wasn't carbs was water.. when I brushed my teeth.
Fit.. not fitting into any of my clothes anymore.

This is tough and this is what I told people they are more than . Here I am feeling crushed under the... weightt .. of myself.

Since I've been here. I gained 20lbs. which is like WOAH. because it's only been 3 months... and
I'm not used to myself with more of myself in certain places. But on the contrary 120lbs is completely fine!!

This is where I find myself caught between advocate and critic. It's a very messy place to be and I don't want/ feel I need to ramble on more about my thoughts. So I leave you with this...

Last week I sent my sister this email and a picture of me in my bathing suit at my apartments pool. I'm going to publish my email but not her reply due to the fact it's her personal response. But after I sent this to my sister I was feeling a mix of humility and failure with my image and the fact that I hadn't lived up to my own words to her especially about self love in the past. Anyways my sister's reply brought me to tears. I love her sooooooo much. I am taking it day by day to love myself inside and out. so no more holding my breath in front on the mirror and no more cake for breakfast...or at least smaller slices!

To: Threcia
Subject: Me Lol

Soooooo here's me weighing in at 120lbs lol I gained total 20lbs since I've been here.. its been hard for me to handle lately. Its funny I am used to being there for people when they are upset about there weight. Telling them to love themselves and not use the f word... fat.... but I use it like evert day. And you know what .. I shouldn't because 120lbs is just fine and hell yeah ill eat a burger and fries and still have room for dessert. "Sexy" is a dangerous and illusive word. Young girls should be reading Maya Angelou instead of cosmopolitan and seventeen. That being said I just started a 7 day diet . Like wtf is this . I'm not happy with my figure but I refuse to be sad. So I'm trying my best to balance and loose a bit of it because fuck 20 lbs in 3 months... ugh. There my venting <3

Ps. My hairs just braided back not cut off :p


From the wisdom of Justin Bieber. I will like the way I look so much, baby, I am gonna love myself!

Dear Sydney,

It's not you it's me. Well we can call this one even. These past 3 months have been great! Don't get me wrong I love the time we've spent together. Some of the best time of my life. But I'm ready for change now. In fact I'm eager. I would leave tomorrow but I have to wait at least another month. So we still have some time! One last "hurrah" as they say. What do you reckon?

I've made a list, a few things I want to do before I go. I should mention I don't even know where I'm going yet. I heard if I go to Darwin any job I get qualifies for the second visa! Oh yeahhhh I didn't mention that part yet.. well there it is! Yupp! One more year here in Australia, though not with you , you'll always be my first. My first city. Sydney can I say it. I promise I mean it. Don't let this confuse emotion on the notion of my departure..but... I love you. There is definitely  chemistry here. I just need to see more, do something different. Get out of the city for awhile. I reckon it'll be good for me. Actually great!

After my 88 or so days my plans so far include living in a van and collecting CD's. I thought you'd laugh at that one! Seriously though. I should have enough money saved to buy a van and get it on the road. Then from where ever I am I'll pimp my ride and plan a roadie! So you might see me again in the end. Than again a little piece of my heart will always be yours regardless. Pffftt stop you're making me blush. As for collecting CD's that's serious too.. not too many. But I like to listen to full albums lately and being on the road it'll be just perf. Last week I went to the vinnies in Campsie, when I bought my skateboard and bought 2 CD's. I'll call it a blind date because I just judge by the cover. No shame in this case. I read the song titles and pick! roulette! So both CD's ended up being  like heavy rock alternative. Not horrible , I like everything, but not at all what I expected. Which is half the fun!

Anyways let's make my last months here extra special! Hey Sydney, don't be sad!! It's just time! Eventually it gets us all.

Yours Truly,
Raisha

 xoxo