My Ancestry Story

Since I moved to Hamilton a surprising amount of strangers have asked me the question
"Where are you from?"
This was a question I answered all the time when I was abroad , being asked in my home city is kind of funny. Aaron says it's just because I still have a small town-esque disposition but I'm sure they're just captivated by my beauty...

Anyways I always give people the same answer; I was born here but my Mother was born in Jamaica and my Father in England. I'm a first generation child!
My parent's heritages have always been something I'm proud to share and learn more about. My Mother tells the most bright and fantastic stories from her upbringing. My Father's a baby boomer who immigrated with his Mom at a young and doesn't have many stories from adolescents in England. I always just imagine him with an accent as he spoke of the days he can recall.

Through out the 60's and 70's my Mom grew up in rural township in Montego Bay. Her Father was a farmer/business man and her Mother a strong house lady. Her childhood stories involve waterfall adventures, the elders that came by and did business with her Father, her Mothers record collection and beating up bullies for her sister. She comes from a large family of 11 brothers and sister and a small livelihood.

My Father was born in Sussex England in the 50's and immigrated to Canada when he was 11. Him and my Grandmother came over by boat and his oldest sister stayed and raised her family in England. My father only knew his Father's name and that he was born in India. As far as he knew he died before the war and if my grandmother had married him our last names would have been Jolly! (that always amused me)

It was Aarons idea to buy the Ancestry DNA tests, I just thought I knew enough about my heritage to answer the questions of strangers so that's probably all I'll ever need to know. My first experience with Ancestry was when I met my cousin in Australia who had been adopted out of my family. Using Ancestry she was able to find her birth Mother (my Dads older sister) and the rest of her siblings. Now on my own ancestry journey, I was connected with another cousin who is related to me by a brother my Dad never knew he had from his Father who he also never met.

I sent my Dad the pictures of his father and his brother immediately. I would describe his joyousness as that of a kid who opens their first kinder egg! He found out about his fathers business importing and exporting goods from China to England. Which is so coincidently similar to his own business, shipping goods to the Caribbean. Talk about destiny!

My grandfather passed away in 1983 at the age of 77. My father now in his 72nd year of life has finally "met" his father.

If you are thinking about getting yourself or someone else an Ancestry DNA test I strongly recommended. It's simple and quick and you may just find someone across the world who shares a little piece of your life.

Living My Breast Life

Julius is now three months and a week old, which means I have about 1,363 more days before I can expect to get a full nights sleep. The weeks feel like long days broken up by short naps. Some days by the time Aaron comes home from work and asks how our day was the highlight is either the things I did while Julius napped or on one of those extra special days.. we both had a nice long nap.

The best advice I get from other moms or other parents is "enjoy every stage , they go by so fast". Now I understand how time can be pulled from right under my nose. (Or should I say my pillow) Three months ago I was anticipating all the things I'd be able to do when I was "finished being pregnant" as I'd say. The clothes I'd fit back into, the comfy positions I'd sleep in , the ease of getting in and out of my car. HAHAHA.

Finished being pregnant aka now carrying babe on the outside. Clothing options were still maternity wear for awhile because they were also breastfeeding accessible. Comfy sleeping positions? My new fav is what I call The Relaxed Farm Animal. It's when my baby is feeding from me and I curl around him with a half awake but peaceful facial expression. And of course if I thought getting in and out of a vehicle being 20lbs heavier was tough.. at least that was hands free. This chunky monkey weighs 18 lbs now. When I pick him up in the carseat I practically need to chalk my hands and refuel my electrolytes.

I could write a book on The Things I Thought Would Be Easier, After a Certain Point in Life. (hay I'm not the only one with that novel title on stand by right?!) Until then here are my Top Three Tips to Living the Breast Life aka three things most new Mommies (and even Daddies) should do while adjusting to life at home with a new baby.

#1. Get up and get ready every day. NO MATTER HOW TIRED. Or how much forecasted vomit will ruin the outfit . Do it and thank me later. This is something I just started doing and it has changed my life. Usually I'd use that last part of that sentence to express exaggeration but I am being more accurate than the last meme you saw. It clicked for me one day when I was looking in the mirror with Julius (he loves to do this) and I resembled a starving racoon. There was some stain on my shirt that couldn't be identified as mine or Julius'. My armpits were an interesting fragrance of au de cheveux and Julius was wearing a brand new onesie looking like poster child for My Mom Needs an Extreme Make Over. I could almost hear our reflection whisper "MOVE THAT BUSS". We now have a casual morning routine. Wake up, stretch /play, change diaper , make bed , and then I get ready in an outfit that makes me feel comfy and cute. That includes a house coat or grey track pants with a xxl gym shirt BUT I will choose a matching set of unders to add the cute element.

OK NEXT.

#2. At least one daytime nap a day. I have been exceeding the limit this week which has had a bit of a reverse affect. I'm usually a busy busy busy body, getting the dishes done, dinner prep, laundry, groceries, just out and about or crafting. It may just be day light savings that messed me up a bit this week but anyways.  Usually while baby is napping it is the perfect time to get something done. And like I said before on those extra special days I nap too. Now he is napping less or shorter and I realized I am going to miss those 2 hour windows of "freedom". So to day light save on naps I found out what things I'd do while he's sleeping that I can still do while he's awake if I wear him in a sling. That is a win win, because stuff can get done and he's staying interested during his awake time. Without the day nap I noticed myself feeling very irritable and emotional,  I know it was from a lack of sleep so the daytime nap tip was my first remedy choice and it helped a lot.

THANK YOU, NEXT

#3. I'm so f***king great full for being able to multitask BUT my last (definitely not least) tip is ONLY MULTI TASK IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A SUPER WOMAN (in a giggly way) aka don't be afraid to ask for help. I've had to breastfeed and use the little mommies room at the same time. I couldn't help but laugh cause both Julius and I just needed to do what we needed to do. I found the right holding position for him, slowly assumed my position and then in the wise words of Missy Elliott flipped it and reversed it. On the contrary there are times when Julius has released a monstrosity of a bowel movement just as the oven timer is going off, the kids are fighting downstairs, Aaron is outside working on our cars and I just want to cry. I know help isn't always there exactly when you need it but when it is , appreciate even the littlest tiny bit of it and use it to calm down or get ahead of laundry or go get a coffee and a donut.

*que lights and game show winner music*

A BONUS TIP. Because 5-10 times a day baby needs you to do one of the most important mum duties ...
#3.5 Make diaper changes fun. I get some of the most memorable smiles from Julius when I lay him down to change a big dirty diaper. When it's all clean I like to give him a minute of un diapered freedom. (*warning* this can be dangerous , expect anything) I blow on his belly to make an obnoxious fart sound and I'll sing a song to his toes about piggies going to markets. It makes the experience stink a lot less for both of us.

I hope everyone who has one is enjoying march break and babies!!

peace , love, and baby cries

But First, SELFIE.

I remember crying my hardest temper tantrum cry on Christmas Day (when I was about 6 years old by the way) after my sisters and cousins all got brand new, sleek, silver , flip phones. If I were to give any kids today one of those devices they'd probably ask what it does.

We used to stay up till one or two am to play Sims and Rollercoaster Tycoon. And don't even get me started with MSN messenger memories... The Much Music Countdown was our Spotify and my sister would record our favourite music videos on a VHS tape. These are sacred pre youtube-istoric memories. What fun shenanigans would connect your friends and family without a wifi password? 

So there is a playground near my house that can connect to an app and be more interactive. More interactive? Then being away from screens and causing a ruckus at the park? There's also a very cool but tangley rope climbing apparatus, which I wouldn't recommend accepting a challenge from a 5 yr old on. There's a nice balance between tech and play, I was just shocked to see a tablet and cellphone friendly playground. So of course I had to go to Instagram about it. 

In my at home playground equipped with free time crafting and new breastfeeding positions, I'm really trying to balance my tech use as well. Some days I think about starting a youtube channel. Another day I realize I've spent all my screen time shoe shopping. Then there's the dreaded but necessary evil of online schooling. The amount of time I spend online didn't really bother me until recently I noticed Julius had what I call The Screen Stare.

Have you ever seen a kid with their tablet or in front of the tv totally zoned out. Or that someone walking almost into you on the sidewalk. Drivers at red lights and pedestrians crossing the street. And I'm totally guilty! Id rather let the kids watch an episode of something before dinner than wrangle them up from all over the house when foods ready. I think I must take at least 150 selfies of me and Julius an hour... 

(I read a fact yesterday that the average person will take 25,000 selfies in their lifetime. WHATTT. I actually thought it'd be more)

There was this extremely eerie youtube virus recently that just made my family stop and say woah, we need to get out of wifi reach, turn off data and spend some time in the real world. The virtual reality goes everywhere with us though. The minute something cute happens I can't pull out my phone fast enough to share the moment on my socials. These things just begged me to question, could I go a day without my phone? Or without any of the screens in my home. 

I really don't think I could and my excuse is I need to keep my phone on incase babe calls me from work. 

*que awes and romantic background music*

Through socials I get inspired and stay connected, but sometimes the amount of content consumed a day feels like I've viewed all pages of an A-Z encyclopedia set. There's a lot out there so please be mindful of what you're putting out and taking in. Of course I'll always be a source of positivity and a little creativity  :) 

Ps. let me know in comments or in a personal message somewhere if you'd tune into me and the fam on a youtube channel and what type of stuff you'd like to see.

Stay wavy. 

TGIF

I got all dressed up and ready to go get me a Blossoming Rose Tea just because that's exactly how I was feeling. It was one of those I didn't know I needed it moments. Something about a warm well named tea on a cold day warms my soul. And this week has been frigid.

Monday was one of those over productive days that made me feel bad for procrastinating so much every other day of the week.

Tuesday I napped and enjoy gifts of warmth. Which always go perfectly together. 

Wednesday I was swaddled in emotion and pasta. Another perfect pair! 

Yesterday I was making the trek back from a waddle up melancholy hill and wearing a striking blue eyeliner for the occasion. 

Today, finally I'm back to my "normal" self , feeling like I just sprouted another bud on the blossoming rose bush that is me.

One of the most refreshing feelings that come after a week of emotional cleansing is courage. To be in the middle of myself and my uneasiness. To look right ahead to the new and better version of myself and welcome the growing pains.

After a teary talk with my love I realized I can't fix everything with rap music and tasty treats. Sometimes whatever feelings I can't get away from , need simply to get out! To be cried out, talked or walked out. (ps. Danced out is always a favoured means of energy expulsion)

This weeks particular emotional congestion was blocking me creatively and burying me with my own strength. The power my mind has to invent and feel was creating obstacles for me to run a course through. I'm not really into athletics but I know what I can handle. At least I thought so, until suddenly I couldn't handle the daily to do's in my simple day. If only I could ask Julius to do the dishes or make me a coffee..Or just sleep for eight hours...

Maternity leave has often felt like I left Earth aboard a house shaped rocket ship with a three month old as my captain. It's easy to complain after the sixth vomit stained t-shirt and the fourth 45 minute nap. But sometimes it's hard to admit that I need a break. I got this far , it's my responsibility and it's my future. My mom did it , her mom, my cousin , my grandma, basically every mom ever.

For some people its school, sports, their families business or a happy relationship. It can be too easy to complain to ourselves about not being the super achieving human we thought we'd be by like last Tuesday at 12:52pm.

LET THAT GO. Get rid of that. EW.

It may just be exactly what's stopping you from seeing you are the achieved version of human you are supposed to be right now today. We're all on the way to being the Me that will come six years or seven hours from now. AND it never stops. So take breaks, re-fuel but don't stop (beliiiieeeeeeve-iinngggg) because if anything was ever meant to be easy it was probably too good to be true OR just a fragment of the big complicated beautiful mosaic that is life.

*DEEP BREATHS*

okay, until next week
Keep your head up and stay on track .

Born to Party

Tomorrow I'm celebrating a birthday! Birthdays are my favourite time of year and tomorrow will be a very special celebration because it's going to be my first surprise party. The pressures on. Yesterday I cleaned up , today I'll stock the mini fridge and make punch. Tomorrow decor will be hung and I'll prowl over the basement stairs like a grizzle bear around her young. The hardest part will be getting the surprisee to leave the house while the surprisers come in.  I was not born tomorrow by the way, that would of course be difficult.

It's going to be a small and quaint siorée with just the neighbours and a co-worker. But I think my mama bear intuition started to growl when I went grocery shopping for party goods. How many plates will I need..will this be enough dip.. should I have more varieties of fruit...do the neighbours like olives?

I realized I was going through some sort of emotional frenzy when I started sweating at the check out. Every time I go shopping I swear to myself I will remember to bring reusable bags. Every time I go shopping I forget. Then as what I call a punishment I try hopelessly to carry everything to my car where the bags are waiting for me laughing. 

"Are you gonna be okay?"

...Thanks for asking Rebecca but damn it no..

"yeah I left bags in my car , I always do this."

*laughter*

"Are you sure?"

...maybe you could just hold my baby while I go get some bags?..

"For sure , for sure, I parked in one of those "mother with child" spots!"

The jacket came off, wallet was in hand and Julius held the cake in his lap. All I had to do was make it to the vehicle.

And of course I did effortlessly. Tokyo drifting past those people going in the entrance and out the exit. Who has time to obey door signs when there's fruit to cut and a cake to hide! As long as the automatic doors are opening I'm getting where I need to go. Baby by my side. I really couldn't have done it without Julius either. His presence adds this ticking time bomb effect to my shopping experience. He opened his eyes once during the expedition, I closed mine praying he wasn't about to poop. 

Right now sitting in my basement is a mini fridge stuffed with everything I bought except chips and cake. The cake is sitting on the passenger floor of my vehicle. 

May it be known to all. February 21, 2019. The first (and probably last) time I was ever so happy, to have the cold of winter. The chill has provided me with one more anxiety-less breath to breathe. Today at least.

Last but definitely not least I need to adorn myself for the occasion. 

Either a casual long sleeved dress or a pair of "party pants" with a simple shirt. Earring of course and maybe a little lipstick to seal the deal when the surprisee walks in on us all.  

If by 18:00 tomorrow this mission was successful I will self proclaim myself as party queen and swear to serve all in my kingdom with the best birthdays each year. 

If not I'll be blogging with embarrassment next week.

peace, love and party.

LOVE. (not just on valentines day)

My baby boy Julius will continue to grow up and one day be buying chocolate roses for someone he fancies. Until then he'll be presenting me with odd coloured surprises and questionable expressions.  He is my favourite person on earth and until April, I love him more than anything but Game of Thrones.

We spend our days attached by the breasts; nourishing each other naturally and in the closest of cuddles. Now that he knows a little bit more of the world around him, I am preparing to be the all wise and knowing Grandma. I'll be showing my grand babes Julius' last new born size diaper and using it to pat dry the tears of joy in reminisce of youth. 

How can such a chublicious little human, have scared me so much me before I knew him.  Being a Mum wasn't quite on my bucket list, thankfully I got the chance of a lifetime to be one. Julius coo's at me and I am so certain he has said I love you. Or maybe it is an echo from me saying it as I kiss his head and hands and feet and chin . And neck.  If not Julius' first I love you I do have another Valentine's love to cry over. 

Last Sunday night, going to bed without a bedtime story was being tried by a jury of 3 minors. It was minutes to 9 and our Monday morning was only hours away. The Saturday night shenanigans still burning at our feet, but we had to put on our work and school boots by 6:30am. 

The staircase is painted with a baby blue sky and marshmallow soft clouds. Until the very top, where night is illuminated with glow in the dark sticker stars, on a deep dark blue attic cover. When the kids get to the top of the stairs I holler "Tell me when you're ready". Finger on the trigger , counting down 3, 2, 1... ok now". 

"Goodnight!"

"Goodnight Raisha" 

"I love you."

*gasp*

"Uh-eyeeii I love you guys too" 

*floats to bed with flushed cheeks and a flutter*

My step babes are my other halves percentage of love that isn't changing Julius's diapers. Or putting notes in lunches.  We're celebrating the anniversary of when we first met in a couple months. And this was our first I love you. 

I was crying tears of love.  I rowed into bed, squeezed my pillow dry and was saturated with pre-slumber dreams of the rest of our lives. There's going to be first's for our family to frolic in for years!! Julius first steps , the first to graduate, first date , who can not fight each other in the car to grandma's first. 

Forever is a long time and I'm so so so great full love has no expiry date. With the amount of lint I pick from Julius' toes and other in-betweens , I'd like to appreciate the not so whimsical parts of love too. Like laundry and emergency haircuts in sticky situations. I feel very comfortable living in breast milk soaked pj's and being nurse assistant to a 5 year old. Because teddy bears get tooth aches too! 

Watching these children get a year older for the rest of my life is more than I could ever wish for on cake candles. 

Happy First I Love You's to all and to all a good Valentines.  

xoxo Raisha's World

BYOV (be your own valentine)

Continuing the fashion of digging pack into my written past , I pulled my poetry journals out of my desk and began reading The Series of Poetic Events. For as long as I can remember I’ve used writing to unload . For better or for worse. Going back and reading my woey teenage poetry seemed like it was for worse. Ahh the coming of age scrutiny that is learning oneself and the world at the same time and never getting a grip. 

Just in time for the dreaded Valentines mush, the first poem in my oldest journal was written February 13th , accompanied by a sketch of a human heart , it reads;

If my mouth spoke in rhythms

And my heart beats were words

If rocks could for a day

Soar up and above the birds

If I held you with my eyes

And my body closed with your goodbyes

Than the waves would be ever so still

Against the sands strong will

My world’s been turned upside down by you

And the hardest part is wondering

If you feel it too.

WOOOOOOOOOW. 

Now I just thought about how Aaron would react to this .. it’s not about him …and I can’t remember who it would have been about. 

The last thing written in this journal is extremely painful and only three lines long. 

I thought I was going through a self induced writers block last year. The phrases and themes were waltzing around my head but I couldn’t turn them into anything. I say self induced because I wasn’t giving myself time. Time to sit down and write or time to love myself enough to be motivated by my own creations. 

The beautiful thing about being a Mum is I get to see what the virtues of time and love created so naturally. Then comes the responsibility of ensuring I continue too nourish that creation with the virtues I posses. I want my little man to grow up seeing me express my talents confidently so he will have a bravado that will carry him to the finish line of everything he starts. 

I re-read my most recent poetry journal often because it is basically the cave drawings of a me that lived freely in my own world. Aka the last accounts of me as a single woman ..

Single lady life meant being selfish in the pursuit of self love. I was my everything and it was daunting and nurturing because I was becoming strong. With Valentines Day coming up I know a lot of people are more provoked than they are passionate. As much as I love to write about love, I’d love to remind people to be their own valentine!

Stay up all night, finish that assignment and feel good about your relentless journey with knowledge. Enjoy a bubble bath till you prune! Take the time to learn a new recipe and enjoy the flavours you created. Leave the kids with a baby sitter or the husband and go enjoy a fancy Starbucks drink. SLAP YOUR OWN ASS AND SAY “DAYUM I LOOK GOOD”

Well in closing  I might as well share two favourite short poems I wrote in my “recent journal”

Written the day before I met Aaron, following a fight a I had with a family member:

How do you expect me

NOT to feel?

I give life.

It comes naturally

From within me.

I am of course a woman.

Written after looking for a receipt:

October 20 2017 

“Oh god.. I spent all that time looking in the wrong place”

Recycle vs garbage.

LOOK WITHIN AND MAKE THE RETURN TO LOVING YOURSELF THIS VALENTINES DAY. 

Love,

Raisha