Table Tales

Now that Julius is starting to eat solid foods the journey of teaching table manners is seemingly a long winding road. No-one else can get away with having a foot in one hand and their food in the other at the dinner table. I'm expecting to need a tarp under the table for at least the next 4 years. The feet get shaken, banged on the table and when he lets go there's no mess. The watermelon, crackers, puree's and baby utensil end up in places you wouldn't even believe.

About 30 minutes after breakfast today I found banana in one of Julius' neck creases. One... of Julius' neck creases, so of course I had to check the rest! Then I stepped on some more banana on my way to throw the other piece out. In an exclamation of humour and surprise I looked at Julius and said "Whatttt?!"  (He loves when I draw out the "T" sound) 

The amount of cheekiness on his face was mesmerizing, as if he was giggling and saying

"I saved that piece for you mum!"

Babies still look cute mid vomit. I've never experienced this with any other human. Julius will be spitting up milk; smiling at me, waving his hands, wiggling his legs all without a care in the world. If babies could talk maybe that would tip the cuteness scale.  Putting the faces I think look carelessly cute into words might sound more like "uuuuhhhh ahaha woopsie,  sorry mum".  Although, hearing "uhh gosh mum I think I'm gonnaaa.." in between sharts and spit-ups would at least allow a bit more time for me to move over. There will be more messes during his talkative years I'm sure, than I'll be wishing for silence.

Grunting is his best communication method. He has started saying "dadadadaaada" but I'm still being naive in accepting this as a sign of first words. A low long grunt usually means he's not happy. Or has to poop. I higher pitched almost screaming grunt can be excitement or frustration, depending on the situation. If I hear a short little, kind of helpless grun (not even grunty enough to be a "grunt") he's usually tired or he just pooped.

Remember playing dodge ball in elementary school? Parent hood with a baby boy is like a game of dodge stream. Every diaper change is very risky. There is an inevitable chance of rapid fire, coming at you like an invisible laser. The worst is when you think it's done so you relax, you let your guard down *psssssss pssspss* squirted you right in the chest. Shirt change number five that day and you're considering wearing amour during these diaper endeavours.

There is nothing I can think of comparable to changing a big, wet, overflowing, strange coloured, off textured, nose hair curdling diaper. If you've ever seen those memes picturing a baby with the atomic waste spattered up its back with a caption that reads something about having to throw the whole human out, that is really how it feels in the moment. Seconds later as love and better judgement ration their way into your thought process, you can turn on the shower or fill up the tub. Some times its even interesting. You can actually identify the exact foods eaten in the last 24 hours or less.

Aside from the few tiny terrors, babies are great fun. I get the pure pleasure of dedicating a portion of my every day to cuddles AND BABY GIGGLES. Once you get used to the diaper changes, sleep dis order and always remembering to bring _____, it gets a lot more manageable. We are almost seven months deep and each day I'm overflowing with little tales of Julius' hilarity.

Until next week, I wish ya'll a Happy Canada Day weekend and hope you make some new table tales of your own!!

Healing

When a five year old insists she needs a bandaid for a cut she got last week that "still kinda hurts though" it can be hard to say no. (at least after the fifth time..) I was in this situation where I was explaining to my step daughter that her scabs are not "bad guys" they're "good guys", who are helping her hurt skin feel better and making new skin.  (She has a phrase "you be BAD guy"  she uses anytime she trips, spills or looses control of whatever object she was miss using.) I started thinking about the process of healing, our physical abrasions go through such an obvious change but our emotional and mindful healing is nearly invisible.

Forgiveness- Imagine the scabs you might see on peoples chests if emotional healing happened more like physical healing. The parts of our heads where the mind was inflicted by traumas would be covered in a luscious protected layer. Would it be easier to talk about if these wounds left us with physical scars?
"Ou how did you get that nasty scratch?"
"Well... I fell out of love."
"Have you tried eating ice cream and being self deprecating?"
"Actually it's healing on its own pretty nicely, I'm just going to take care of it."

Acceptance- Ripping off the bandaids to uncover those scars will be painful, guaranteed. But not as painful as what has already been endured. Peeling those boo boo hiders off can be so satisfying. You've been careful in the shower and at the sink for weeks. Checking for the bandaid as soon as you wake up to make sure it didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Applying ointments and letting it breathe when nesscesary. Then when that little itchy feeling starts to creep in, you know its healing and can't wait to reveal a new layer of you. Something happened, you survived, here's what it will be now. Scars are basically constellations the universe is arranging on us.

Changes- At first sight of an open wound it is not uncommon for ones entire life to flash before their eyes. As if the sight of a piece of our raw self provoked this realization that we are not impenetrable.
*One single tear follows.*
The secret is not to linger on the pain nor the process of healing. Sometimes the wounds that take longest to heal are the ones we're convinced still need this and that and those and him or her. Move on and don't look back because that is not the direction you're going. If you've been ridding the waves in the ocean of whatever your problem is, pull out a paddle and get going where you need to be!

My step daughter needed another bandaid for something on the back of her ankle. She didn't mention anything about anything all day then suddenly she says
"I need a bandaid here *points to achilles* before I go to sleep Raishieeee."
 Then of course she was totally immobilized by the feeling of the bandaid restricting her achilles ever so slightly.

 Pain slows you down, cripples our senses and distracts us from our sweet dreams. It can be a whole new type of awful when the aches are seemingly invisible. Forgiveness, acceptance and change are just the three headlining situations I chose to identify. Whether the sting lasts years or minutes don't waste yourself on what happened. Wield yourself as an instrument for healing.

Until next week, enjoy ripping the bandaids off those thoughts or emotions you've been covering up and not allowing to breathe and heal!!!!
 (kissy emoji)

I Just..

I just sat down the other day and started thinking about how I feel as a Mum and how I could describe  my insight into this new role. Incidentally it was after I had done a spring cleaning of the whole house, knowing the fresh scent and dust freedom wouldn't last much longer than those five minutes I had to sit. I came up with a little list of two word phrases I would use to describe motherhood. Topping the list , being most relevant to me is the phrase "I just.." followed by and exclaimed in various situations.

I jussssttt saw *insert childs name*, where is she or slightly less frightening because there's safety in numbers, where are they? This is used most often in parks or any other public place. Usually in some sort of anxious, borderline angry state, on the contrary, some days at the park it's more of "I jusssst pushed you for 15 minutes straight , how about you go down the slide now." That's a tired and playful state wherein my mind is telling me sit down and my body can't stop pushing the swinging child "higher" (attempts to walk away) "HIGHER!"

I just fed you. I say this 30 minutes after breast feeding and about 15 minutes after dinner when the babes are asking if they can have a snack. This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves but I'm trying not to take it personally. I'm really working on overcoming this don't worry. 1. I tell myself it's not because my food's terrible. 2. I change the topic of conversation for five minutes than when the "I'm full" comes up again I say "ok just finish your..." and repeat this tactic until the meal gets finished or closer too. And 3. since we don't own a microwave it's easier to dish out some crackers and cheese than it is to warm up left overs.

I JUST..! Your interpretation of typed fonts has probably informed you that "I just" is said in anger. I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TOO... ; is the most common introduction to whatever question was asked about candy, toys, movies, being there yet or playing with something more valuable than it is playful. Oh and of course used to halt fighting and the touching of a siblings precious random thing. Or yelling. Or running, jumping , floor sqirming and stair sliding. Or opening kitchen drawers and putting body weight into it instead of utensils. Or playing with the soap. Or asking why. Or...
I should move on.

I just love when: we watch family movies and cozy up together, I hear someone talking to their bath toys, Julius laughs at his brother being silly, I'm asked a question that challenges me to sound like I really know what I'm talking about. One of my most proud "I just love when" moments is when we're all piled into the car on our way to something that we're actually going to be on time for. And on the way back when everyones asleep. I really just love when I hear all four babes enjoying some shenanigan that they've imaginated deeper and deeper into. I mean turning a pile of wood and a garden rake into some sort of sport with aliens and dead grass. It's messy afterwards but the type of mess that's more like a fossil of fun times than a burden.

I just remembered... This is my demise lately. Last week I left my phone at the park, another day same week my wallet at the store. I've missed appointments and came a day early for another. I'll buy pasta sauce when we have six jars at home but forget bread... Mom brain. Again don't worry I'm overcoming this as well.  Also on my list of short punch lines for motherhood was; Bed time! Let's go, Not today, Not now, Not yet, I'm tired, ONE...TWO...

Now I don't mean to reduce motherhood down to short temperaments. There could never be enough of a word count available to truly sum up the infinite love and prosperity that motherhood encompasses. I'd love to hear some other personal punch lines, comment on here or my socials and tell me your two words.

One Year Later

We've lived in our home for a year now and it has housed 365 plus memories. The most sharable moments have furnished this humble abode on every floor and in every room (some not so sharable ones too *cough cough wink wink*) My best and worst meals were cooked in this kitchen. The greatest snuggles have been had in all spots possible and the greatest fights. Parties were thrown, enjoyed and cleaned up after many a week ends. I gave birth to Julius right in the living room before the hardwood floors were even finished.

We came, we saw, we knocked down walls and built more usable spaces. It's still a work in progress , an unfinished piece, history in the making and I'm so proud and great full to be a part of making it our home. 

The first aspiration was fitting the couch and the king bed through the front door. Since than the man of the house has been unstoppabley transforming the place inside and out. He built a shed and recruited the eldest babe to help with the finishing touches. He tore down kitchen walls and put in cabinets. I helped sand and mud during the beginning of my matt leave but for everything low to the ground there was two younger babes who enjoyed being daddies little helpers. The home is as unique as each of us because we all played a role in its fruition.

What's the first rule of fight club? Say sorry to your sibling when it's all over. Our back yard and basement have been the kickboxing ring and the karate dojo. It always starts out as a fun idea unfortunately no-one has ever came out unscathed. What's a battle wound without a good story behind it? Except when the story is told by a seven year old with a bite mark I supposed. All is fair in love and war, I tell the babes it's a good way to learn each others boundaries. 

After almost a whole summer of hot dogs or chicken with rice I had to strap on my apron and meal plan some more family friendly meals. Some recipes were very well received and others quite literally trashed. The kids will try almost anything involving cheese or "chicken" especially if bribed with ice cream. That only works some days though, if there's too much cheese a complaint is filed. If there's not enough cheese a comment is dropped and if you take to long to answer "Is this chicken?" a concern is raised. Us adults like things spicy so during the week I make more elaborate meals. There's been days we couldn't finish a dish fast enough, on the contrary there's been meals we couldn't finish. But hey ice cream makes things better for us big kids too. I'm doing much better than I was a year ago.

(I'm also doing much more laundry and dishes and supervising and question answering and bath bubbling and hair styling and get ready on timing aka loving.)

Our friends are as welcomed here as our family. We have the best neighbours on both sides who have rung in a surprise birthday and a New Year with us! Coworkers have gathered after hours around the bbq and gal pals have gathered around Julius. When the music is up and the twinkle lights are hung the house becomes everybody's home for the evening right until the morning after. 

I will never forget pushing a human out of me. To make the day even more memorable we get to say to our guests "Yeap right there in front of the couch!"  It was perhaps the most intimate and intrinsic day of my life. Besides the whole story that's really all I can say! Our first week together the whole main level was being re floored. Newborns can really sleep through anything. (except the nights ...)

Now that the housely rigamarole is becoming just second nature to me I can't wait to start enjoying all the growth we will all share here. The kid's worlds are getting bigger and so are they. We're becoming better parents and worse sleepers. The house is transforming every season as is everything else around it. I welcome the mysteries and the duties of the next 16 years plus!

I can't wait to share it all with yous too.

Poetic Interlude

Home sweet home,
the last one I'll know
cause you're all I need.

Home sweet home,
where loves grows
blossoming and blooming all around;

Preparing feasts
between the sheets
shower songs
and bedtime lulubyes.

Our oasis for
family festivities and
an assured atmosphere.

Home sweet home
I'm so glad to call you
ours.

Ready?

I was not ready to be a Mom or a Step Mom or come home from my voyages abroad or go across the world in the first place. I wanted and needed more time, I wasn't ready to graduate or move out or move in. It all happened so suddenly, surely I wasn't ready; to become a woman or tie my shoes or try seafood and that's just as much as I can remember.

I'm still not ready to figure out what to do next. Part of me wants to let the universe take me under its wing and fly me somewhere, like an olive branch ready to begin in the new world. My better judgement perhaps, has the next 5 years in an agenda with goals organized by colour; long term, immediate, stepping stone. The last bit of decision making left in me is the partisan for naps.

Most of the moments that shaped who I am at this very time and place I was not "ready" for. Isn't that one of the seven wonders of the world? Number seven - being ready, six- experiencing firsts, five-learning, four-loving, three-speaking up and out, two-patience and silence, NUMBER ONE..? Well if I knew that then I'd really be smart.

Have you ever had the "where I would be if..." conversation with someone? Where do you think you'd be if... you hadn't gotten that job or if you did? Where do you think you'd be if you took that chance or gave it to someone else? Yesterday my love gave me the most remarkable answer. He said "I don't like to waste energy thinking in a parallel universe when I need that energy to make my dreams a reality, with you, now. " I definitely wasn't ready for that answer.  The truth is sometimes ready for us before we are for it I suppose.

Julius and I spend our days solving some of life's toughest daily conundrums (eg.what to wear, did you poop, are you hungry, is it nap time yet?) at this point in the game I'm feeling really comfortable with my mommy duties. We're 5.5 months in so half-time is just around the corner which means work and school are only a September away! Ideally I'll be staying at home until Julius starts kindergarten. Some days when I think of doing what we're doing now, for the next three years I think I may never be ready to take on the world again.

That auspicious word; ready, as if readiness decides the outcome of what is waiting. I'd like the think the most prominent change makers in the word were less than ready to make changes transpire the way they did. Maybe it was in the agenda a few days earlier or later. They could have even been watching and wishing for someone else's success on the matter.

Hence the renowned quote " I didn't choose the (insert lyfe type here) the lyfe chose me." 

Right now my goal is using my energy daily to stay content with my surroundings. For me that means  keeping organized and well scented. I have a daily routine of house wifery I do and I break that up by doing things that are on track with my aspirations. My aspirations long term, short term and immediately. Now that may all make me sound a bit pretentious, so let me tell you a secret... Naspire: A nap to refresh oneself and feel inspired again.  Because some days (or weeks) I just need to refresh my mind before I feel ready again. Ready to put on pants or ready get a house full of humans ready to be somewhere we needed to be 15 minutes ago.

So are you ready yet?

To give yourself a break or to clock back in? Ready to prune yourself of dead weight and bloom? Ready to forgive? Probably not right.. well whatever it is you may just want to drink another coffee (or g&t), schedule yourself a 3 o'clock nap for next Wednesday and get ready to be a lot less ready and much more willing and able.

Hello Again

I just realized I totally forgot to blog last week, as I pre-announced the topic would be "Things I Think I Got Away With Because I Have a Baby".  It's partly to blame on something we in the industry call "mom brain"..so hows about we add; Forgetting to Blog to the list and I'll pull it out again if something remarkable comes up.

Speaking of remarkable, yesterday was my birthday, I rang in 23 years of life on earth! This week I've been gifting my self a lil' something something every day. I believe it's truly the best way to celebrate being born, it surely didn't take just a day to create a human. Imagine if we all got to celebrate from conception date to birthdate!

When I say lil' something something I genuinely mean lil, smaller than little, just tiny, "smoll" if you will, possibly even regular daily activities that I just proclaimed as gifts to moi. Nothing lavish or expensive but all very valuable to me and my life.

I started off with a shopping trip. I gave my self a small super affordable budget and set off to a thrift shop just walking distance from my house! It was the perfect time of day , the store wasn't busy and it seemed like they must have just gotten a good haul of things in. I got 2 gorgeous dresses and a track set for Julius. This was also the first time I've gotten myself a dress since being pregnant, so I was super happy I found something that fit my new body and my new needs! (eg. breastfeeding friendly neckline)

My next treat was a creativity binge. I finally got to making the adjustments to some clothing I had stacked up on my sewing table. My endeavours with clothing alterations are going so well I really feel like I can open my shopping size and gender limit. Anything with a pattern I like, that fits the season, I should be able to make into a personally tailored piece. What a treat eh! I also made myself a mixtape. Now... I drive in a vehicle without automatic locks, windows and ...no auxiliary input. So I make CD'S and listening to the same 12 songs everywhere I go. I appropriately named this disc "23".
(I'll post the playlist on my youtube channel)

One of the best gifts on earth is friendship and my Wednesday was spent in good company. Snacks and chats on a comfy couch with Julius, my good friend and my bae. I couldn't have asked for a better afternoon!

Finally the day of my Birth I had planned to get some photos developed from our maternity shoot than go check out the Hamilton Art Gallery. Neither of those things happened and I got duped by a parking metre. I just considered that all a surprise gift from the universe that came in the form of a little less learned; never be downtown during the lunch hour if you don't know your way around and you have a baby in stroller.

Today until the weekend-end I'll be in party mode!!
*que disco lights, bass and soul train *

Tomorrow we are throwing a soiree with friends , food and festivities. This will conclude my week of birth jubilations. Of course Sunday will be spent cleaning and helping the guests recover from their hearty party antics. I wish everyone reading could join in the fun!

But then again you can, enjoy spoiling yourself for a few days if you need to or want to. With simple and AFFORDABLE treats that remind you just how sweet you are!! Your favourite movie, some take out or book ,  enjoy some YOU time!

ps. Now that I'm finished my online biology unit, I'm harvesting some creative ingredients and getting ready to launch some more things that will be available for the public.

Until next week. Stay birthy <3