This week I’ve felt myself slip from a physically and
emotional “wowie” week to a “wow” week. Translated from Latin Raisian dialect
to English that means thing have been just soaring, flying, it felt like there wasn’t
a star in heaven that I couldn’t reach . To oh wait there it is the star damn.
AM I MAKING SENSE.. NO.. OK. So my last day at my job is Sunday then I leave
for the road trip Thursday. It’s like YAY but it’s also like haaaayyyy . I’m
going to really really miss these people! All sad and said it won’t be the last
time I see them ever. I’ll be back in Sydney for a little while after the road trip.
I just get all emotional when it comes to changes. Not like “
I wanna watch sad movies and eat 14 litres of ice cream” emotional but like “I’m
gonna nap, listen to sad songs, interpretative dance and cry”. I’m basically a
well rested mess. This rut will usually last as long as a day or a week. I know mental health week passed recently and
I haven’t shared internetly anything about mental illness in my life. Mental
illness runs in my family immediate and generationally and I tend to put these melancholy times under a
microscope. It’s important to take the time to acknowledge and evaluate
internally before moving on. I realize these days come and don’t last forever
and remind myself overall my life is good so interpretive dance for the greater good no fears no tears. Just me and my weird body moments!
I’ve been in the middle of my families bullshit. It’s inevitable.
I thought of Oz as my one way ticket to freedom. To take the flower blooming in
a dark room and trust it. Being here
made me realize that shit wasn’t just external and I couldn’t just find poetic
justice so easily. It’s internal, It’s my being , weather I can fully admit it
yet or not, It’s me. I cringe a little every time I do something or say something
exactly like my parents. It’s really so weird sometimes. I thought once I was
away from “everyone else’s problems” that things would less complicated
... could I sound any more naive ?
Anyways I’ve learned I have a lot to deal with within my self. One way I’ve
always done this is just being very open with people. When I’m stressed about some thing I have people to talk to and
I do .When I feel something stressing me that isn’t tangible it feels
impossible to articulate, even to myself.
Yesterday was blah and I’m glad I have my room mates around.
Today has been YAH and I'm even more glad. I’m gonna miss every one I’ve fallen in
love with!!!!!
During the road trip I’m going to be like boom boom,
driving, yaa yaa, wine in a box, ukulele , camp fires, woah where are we, I love
this song! WE MADE IT. Sooo I’m going to post more poetry than lengthy writings.
Some poems from the archives, when times are hectic and of course poetic synopses
of our caravan crusade.
IM EXCITED AND SAD
AND THIS IS LIFE. It’s wowie and its wow. If you take nothing else from this I
leave with these words:
Eat ice cream for breakfast, ask people about their ulcers,
stare wondrously at tall boys, get a pedicure and dance naked. Fill yourself with pure love where ever and
whenever. Because it’s the one thing we always need no matter where life takes
us.
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