In Wander and in Lust

a.k.a Philosophical word vomit, brought to you via me almost getting a tattoo about this boy I loved..

“Isn’t that the one thing your never supposed to do.. like is it about him or is about the experience you had?”. - @josephinemily (on instagram for more wisdom)

Thank goodness my roommate just set me straight on that decision. I’d just woken up from a nap, ate a chocolate bar and suddenly wisdom and guidance filled my soul. Well more or less that’s what it felt like. It could also have been sugar and anxiety.

I’m working on juicing my brain for something smooth and tasty for Global Hobo. In-between looking at my bank account and places to stay in Tasmania.

Then my Dad asked me if I can be home for July 1^st to go on a little fundraiser boat cruise for this organization he’s a part of.

His birthday is July 14^th which is when I plan on going home. I wanted it to be a bit of a surprise but I had to tell him as my reasoning for not coming on the boat cruise. Honestly though it’s more about the fact I don’t want to lose any time in my travels. Going home for July 1^st means I’d really have to go around the 28^th because of the time difference and the jet leg.  Am I wrong?? I feel a bit guilty but without doubt I will be home for this birthday!

My Dad has supported me through my travels with the upmost strength and reassurance. With Global Hobo I was feeling under qualified in my writing abilities and of course that lead to an almighty thoughtical demise of my capabilities for any future pursuits. (Like if I’m a published writer can I still make up my own words??)

I’m in this mixed state of being.  The future of my travels is but a few months away from home. This month has been a hazy prospect of it all. I LOVE THE EXPERIENCES I’VE HAD AND I LOVE PERSONS. The past 8 have opened my eyes and my heart so so so much. I think my circadian rhythm is not even able to readjust to home. “Home” in itself will feel like a culture shock.  

I’m literally going back with long hair and the confession to my mom I had tattoo’s before I left, the new ones just aren’t hide-able. Unlike the changes that have occurred on my surface. (ps. I gained about 30 lbs. eating sticky rice, kebabs and all things oh so cultured) I think the real change is very internal.

I thought I was traveling to run from home and the orthodox order of societal expectations. Now I feel like I’m living and learning and loving and it doesn’t have to be this escape from the real world. It literally is the real world. “ Love, stability, home” I understand them now to be very much based in oneself. I left home with this idea I was heading down the yellow brick road, on my way to Oz to find wisdom and freedom.

Inevitably I found both in wander and in lust. In the comfort and confusion of not making decisions for my future. Just sort of hanging loose, contrary to my pants.  Accepting the fact I figuratively and literally have more of myself to love. Giving some of that love away. Looking at the marks left from my stretched skin. Thinking about the people and the places now etched in with this new me.

Traveling can be a physical and emotional rollercoaster. Falling in love with people. Falling out of taxis. Intoxicated by the adventure than left isolated between airports.

I won’t have a wave on my wrist to remind me of a previous affair... I won’t accept my Dad’s friend request because of what I’ve been tagged in at 3am. I’ll send him emails /updates of how much fun I’m having or if I need some fatherly advice. It’s all about balance. I’m still working it out. How much boys I can kiss and still love myself. Number’s in my bank account and numbers on the scale. Dates and flights and concerts. Boat cruises and birthdays....

*Clicks heels together*

 “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.. there’s no place like...Japan?”

How Long is a Balinese Block Though?

It seems no matter where I go I find myself in this same situation. Whether the issue arises from being naive or over confident, this ill-fated deed seems to be a re-occurring one. Scootering is the most popular method of transport here so of course being the hip cool cat I am , I opted to rent a bicycle. Let’s be honestly I’m way more frugal than I am hip. I’ve been traveling wearily between the villa, the language school and the dojo until Thursday when I put my quads and sense of direction to the test.

Last time I went to Kuta in a taxi and made a conscious effort to recall the route. With my little note pad and pen I recorded the details from left turns to yellow pants I should pass on the right. After the third Alfa Mart turn towards the large crab, at the intersection at the top of a hill follow the road signs...seemingly fool proof...that is until I passed the 700^th Alfa mart .

It wasn’t so bad, traffic was heavy but on a bicycle I can weave through and sometimes sneak onto the sidewalk.  Maybe it was this sleazy , easy , beautiful vibe that lead me to believe I didn’t need to review my "road map".  Once I ended up cycling into opposing one way traffic I realized I was nowhere near Kuta, nor had I any sense as to where I’d gone wrong. It must have been the 699^th Alfa Mart.. 

Resorting back to the path that had previously gave zeal to my expedition, I walked along the sidewalk holding my bicycle with one hand and starching my head with the other. The road signs were saying “Kota”. I thought maybe they forgot to cut the top off the o and I’m not so far gone.  Optimism is key in the Balinese heat , so is speaking at least a little of the language.  Down the street I could see a very green, very statuesque park and figured it would be a good spot to contemplate my fate.

I perched my bicycle and myself in the shade, sweat ceased to remind me of how far I was from the villa and I allowed time to relax the worry of being totally off course.

Between the maze like brick path leading from white toga’d goddesses to swing sets, people enjoyed the space doing various activities. Two boys juggled glass bottles and metal cups with bartender-esque moves.  A large group of students practiced routines, some elders did aerobics and I even saw some people filming.

*checks be an extra in a foreign film off bucket list*

My mind focussed on making a sentence in Indonesian. My stomach focussed on the food I had at home; spoke with words of wisdom, let’s go eat!

“Selamat Siang”

(Good day. Or good baby if you pronounce ‘see-ang’ as ‘s-eye-ang’... I'm still not sure how many people I’ve been flirtatious with)

“Kenalkan, Saya Nama Raisha! Saya niak sepeda desini. Dan tidak tahun , ke pergi rumah saya”

(Greetings, My name’s Raisha. I ride bike here and no know to go my home”)

“Salamat Siang, Where do you live”

...It never hurts to try right! With a bit more English/ Indonesian I introduced myself but still didn't know the street the villa is on... I got the name of the park and a general direction of how to get back to Canggu. So yet again I left my fait to my good judgement of road signs and land marks.

At this point I'd been riding for a total of 4 hours. Hunger and frustration steered me into a market place, where upon buying jackfruit and chocolate milk I realized I had the card to the villa in my wallet! A prime example of why chocolate milk is a vital part of my existence.  Into the sunset and passed once familiar sights I road my bicycle thinking about how to remember my way back to the park for another day.  Or how to ask my language teacher to say the word lost.

Ps. Help is ‘batu’

Personal Space..Hello My Old Friend

One week has passed in Bali! My Indonesian is slowly progressing, my quads are pushing my bike pedals to our limits and I'm sorry to say it but I'm trying to identify in my poo what is what from when because like "Bali Belly" is a thing and it's not happening but something doesn’t seem like totally right . I'm sorry....POO TALK NEEDS TO BE MORE NORMAL PEOPLE... Sarah if your reading this I know you’re laughing ;) anywayss.....

A chunk of the group went away this weekend, including my roommate. So I had the room to myself and I realized some shit..

1. This is the first time I've had a room or for that matter ANY SPACE to myself in quite awhile.          (5 months)

2. On my way to Bali I felt the smallest, creeping in and ruckus causing bit of home sickness.

I'm blaming it on the fact I had to take a shuttle full of chatty people after waking up from a nap. I get very post nap grumpy. But it was the first time I'd ever, like ever in my life, even sooooo slighty , experienced feeling "home sick". It vanished once I put on head phones and had a coffee!

It just got me thinking about my time away from home you know, IT’S BEEN 9 BEAUTIFUL MONTHS! I used to complain about my dingy old mattress I’ve had since 5^th grade. Having to flip it over every 3 months to try and contrast the mold of my body that kept me snug beneath the sheets. The one thing louder than the age revealing creek of the bed frame was the Squirrels living in our attic just above my room. Yet here I am thinking God I miss those guys, they knew how to party. One day I came home from work and my cat had caught and killed one squirrel on my bedroom floor. Like meow hey girl house warming present for you...I still keep a photo as a little memorial.

 R.I.P Chip.

Jolly Swagmans backpackers. If I may I’m name dropping with no subtly. This was my first home away from home and I’m convinced it’s one of the best hostels in Sydney. I shared a dorm with 4 other people for one month, no rodents or mattress impressions from sleepers past. From there I found a share flat with 4 people, 3 in my room and the owner in their private rom. Relieved from my duties as top bunk occupant. A vacant single tier bed never looked so welcoming.

I stayed there for 6 months. My roommates and I became a sisterhood of traveling hairspray, heels and hot or not outfit critiques.  The only thing I would have changed was the number of bathrooms. But some mornings I'd just use the lobby bathroom on my way out and brush my teeth at work. No sacrifice no victory right?! I guess I gave up the freedom of walking and dancing in the nude so I could save on rent. Or saying goodbye to my pet Squirrels so I could hang with kangaroos and huntsmen.  (knock on wood I’ve avoided contact with any large spiders so far)

In Thailand I was supposed to share a room with one other stranger. Turns out I ended up having my own room and a double bed and I was like wow this is the first time in 4 months that I'd be sleeping in a room alone AND A DOUBLE BED. I had a bubble bath, bought snacks, tucked myself in annndd couldn’t sleep a wink. No squeaky bed, no backpackers coming to jump in the bed under me , no Sam snoring. Just an empty room with all the qualities I'd been dreaming of, yet I felt like a child just woken up from a nightmare. It was a bizarre feeling. The next night I was sleep deprived and probably heat stricken so I slept like a rock!

The idea of less personal space and no permanent address somehow appealed to me when my roommate asked me to join her on a month long roadtrip. Me , Her, our mutual friend and we awaited to find the perfect candidate to our Facebook ad , whom we met the day before we left. Ya'll take a moment of silence for the Salty Skinned Honey Please <3 One month in a rental caravan : undies hung from every possible corner, waking up 8am to the sun burning in with some ones sweaty legs across yours. Having no bathroom actually wasn’t a problem because none of us wanted to see ourselves in the mirror to often.

Then the Mona Vale Fam Jam! One big FUCK YOU to my landlord who ended up cheating us all out of our bonds. As for my brothers, where ever you may be now..bless up fam. One love. <3 That was another month of undies everywhere, this time boxers or sand filled clothes. I literally just had sand fall out of a pair of shorts I packed here with me. Kind of gross yet so nostalgic!

I've kind of been a well fed and employed hobo. In the sense that food is another word for community, employed means I can buy food and by hobo I mean travel bohemian to my friends and fam but more like I'm at the point where my life fits in a backpack and a laptop bag.

I'm not at all complaining!! After this I'm off to Tasmania for a week to see STICKY FINGERS. I'm gonna try asking people to pitch a tent in their backyards! An idea inspired by a fellow hobo I met here! Wish me luck, here too actually. I am challenging myself a bit to do more regimented writing. Don’t worry the quirky, freeness of the blog will live on. Untainted by the standards of grammar and word counts. Huzzah!

 Love you long time !

Life is Sunscreen- it’s all a metaphor.

What do 23 Aussies, 2 Americans, 1 Canadian and 1 Ireland..ian have in common? Sunscreen, bug spray and one month in Bali. Oh and of course copious amounts of Bintang! We have been chosen by the powers that be, to live together as global hobos in a beautiful big brother style villa.  It’s been 4 days and we’ve established Catherine will answer to Caitlyn and Caitlyn will answer to Kristen and I might be the only person who says “new-tella” rather than “nut-ella”. The name game is getting stronger though! I’ve never experienced so many people pronouncing AND spelling my name correctly in such a short period of time. I think we’ve really got something good here. Ashley is the only boy in the group and he proved his alpha maletivity last night on the “D floor”. Tomorrow night is our house warming party.. To be themed or not to be themed? If anyone has any Bali budget friendly theme suggestions I’m accepting submissions until 12 tonight!

Apart from swimming nude and on call massages, rest assured we are actually here to get work done. Global Hobo Goddess Gemma curates this majestic experience for interns to live in Bali for one month, studying Bahasa Indonesian and writing articles for Global Hobo. By the end of the month we will have put together 2 guide books with 75 travel reviews made from our blood, sweat and tears. We’ve already put in 2 out of the 3. That is minor scrapes and bruises from scooter accidents on the third day. I did a 2 hour walk into town but even 5 minutes out of the a/c and your feeling like a carny prize bagged gold fish. I’m sure of course we will be very teary towards the last days.

Today I was feeling confident with my Indonesian; I got some dinner from a local food stall and introduced myself to the couple running the place.

*clears throat*

Salamat Sore, nama saya Raisha.

Appa kamu nama?

Appa Kapal?

Juga biak

Saya dari Kanada . Dan saya sekerja di Australia. Sekerja saya di Bali, jalan jalan dan menulis. Saya belenja di sekolah Cinta Bahasa. Dan saya tingal di Surya Abadi 2.

Not 100% with my spelling but I said:

Good day, my name’s Raisha

What’s your name? How are you?

I’m also good.

I’m from Canada. And I work in Australia. Now I’m in Bali, traveling and writing. I study at school Cinta Bahasa. And I live at Surya Abadi 2.

This was such a proud moment for me and I was just so happy and the couple seemed so happy for me than she brought my rice and chicken soup and just sat beside me kind of watching me eat and it was like a weirdly comfortable moment. Then she said something to me obviously noticing the confused expression on my face, turned back to her friends and they laughed for like 5 minutes. So by the end of my soup I’d say we were all basically best friends.

Sampejumba! Terimakasi!

Goodbye ! Thank you!

So yeah just your regular 9-5 office days. Puttin in work. You know, pencil skirts, tryingly quirky ties, staying ergonomically positioned in our chairs and talking about the annoying printer that’s been jammed for like 9 centuries. Just shy of one business week down and I am very very excited for what the rest of this month has hidden behind the staples on the store room shelf.

Also expecting our Bahasa Indonesian guru to get increasingly uneased by our very basic sexually suggestive sentences!

Peace love and Bali babes <3

Brothers From Another Mother

Today I went to the city with Nicolas, for probably the very last time. It was so very nostalgic. And donut time was closed so it really hit me in the heart at that point.  I've been in Sydney for 7 months! This has been my life. Pinch me! Literally In Flabbergasted Enthusiasm.
I'll just leave that there *cough COUGH*

Nicolas usually talks about his "fun facts" or video games but today was rather "emotive". We started off at the Glebe Markets, I took Nicolas’s samosa virginity. It was actually the cutest thing he loved it so much he wanted to thank the server!!  Than we walked down Broadway, I pointed out all the places I almost died when I first bought my skateboard.

*fist pump+deuces* to Ruby! 

We ate stale éclairs , drank iced coffee and browsed around Market City.  Our conversation flowed from hand bags to anime to our time living together to metaphors of the ninth dimension. I almost cried. A.k.a I started to cry than said okay lets go shop around.  Where of course we stopped for free samples..

MY BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHER. If there ever was a time to use this and mean it ..it's now.  I'm thinking back on this month and there's so much to say! And I want to write poetry. And I want to record the story in an interpretive dance memoir. I want to say so much but uhh I know my Dad's reading this..... I'M KIDDING. <3 :)
(ps. I'm bringing "emoticons" back to the internet)

It’s been radical!! I wrote a poem yesterday but after talking with Nicolas today it was just very deep and honest so I revised the poem to be just as candid. Thaan I hesitated but I think it's sounding quite nice now sooo.. da dun da daaaa *drum roll*

Ps. I hope this isn’t too sappy or embarrassing guys <3

"Brothers From Another Mother"

We may all vary, in age, height and nationality.
But we shared this humble abode, with great charity.
Memories made over good food and cold drinks
Personal space...a foreign concept,
On couches and bathroom sinks.
Today Nicolas said he heard us in the shower...
I was embarrassed
Yet lightened by the memory of the hour    *clears throat poetically*
The music and magic,
Entertaining and always electric,
Honestly and proudly,
drunkly and loudly.
Christmas with a new tradition!
Said goodbye to 2016 and hello 2017!
With satisfaction.
The brotherhood ft one real sister.
T+ one month.(does anyone ever plus the T??)
Now each onto our next adventure
Sending love to you through the stars and the sun
With hope they will connected us again .


So Alex just walked into the kitchen and said "you have to come see the moon!!" and I jumped up and he grabbed his camera and tripod and the moon is just sitting there looking like it knows how to break hearts. It's orange and sensual and grace full and the whole moment is a perfect post parting portrait.

Goodnight and Good morning. I hope your day is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

<3 :) :3 xD


ps. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emoticons

"You Always Fall in Love When It's Time to Leave"

One week from today I will be boarding a plane to Bali!!! This month went by so fast. And now it is two thousand and seventeen!! Twenty seventeen. 2k17. The seventeenth chapter of man kinds 2000^th rotation around the hot burning mother solstice by which we keep our lives and time in accordance with. Wow.

Honestly 2016 was the best year of my life so far. Travelling to Australia has felt like my bat mitzvah.  I partied, learned, worked hard, travelled, fell in love. I have sprouted from the ground up, bloomed, blossomed and I could even say pollinated. Little pieces of myself shared around the world through the amazing wonderful beautiful people I have met.

Me and the boys I live with have became close too. I’m gonna miss our little weird fam. I finally met Matt at the bus stop so that was nice. I’ve been shopping with Nicholas. He’s the perfect shopanion (I tried to make a word there) Alex is just full of wisdom and cuteness. He helped me pick out the right pants for my outfit! Henrik is my fashion and dance muse. Tim mmhhmmm if it’s not too weird I’ll ask him to read some poetry so I can record it, set it as my alarm or something. Actually that is weird but when the boy talks it just sounds so nice! And Fynn is so fucking beautiful inside and out. Truly.

A lovely bunch of boys. Half of them are leaving Thursday than me than Alex than Nicholas too eventually. Ahhhh travel is so good for the heart; meeting people you feel such a strong connection with but also makes the heart ache because you just never see them again. Well maayyybe but probably never again. Such is life I guess. I’ve been saying a lot lately  “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened!!”

I wouldn’t change a thing really. I can only hope I have left as much of an impression in the souls as they have in mine. My soul is surely a collage, fossilfied (another made up word??) piece of artful human love and life because of everyone I have met here!!

8 months down and 4 to go.

Bali for one month.

Than Tassie for a week. OH YEAH THAT’S A STICKY FINGERS THING. BECAUSE YEAH HIATUS. For those who know my loves.

After Tassie I’ll finish my last 3 months in Melbourne than probably up to Darwin to fly out.

2016 has been soo juicy. I’m expecting 2017 to be...... hmm I was trying to make a metaphoric meal plan type thing but maybe that’s a bit lame and I think 2017 will be very not lame soo BOOM AHH CHICKA CHICKA OHHH...

I’m done. Love you. bye.