Here I Am Stuck in The Middle With You

Congratulations on making it this far into the week. This far into June. This far into whatever shituation life curve balled you, because coming this far means you’re one step closer. A step measured by whatever units you are recording by; assignments, dollars, tomato plants, ice cubes, tan lines. Happy Wednesday June 28^th!

I thank you in advance as I will now assume your means of joy and jubilations are sourced from reading this post. Admittedly my Wednesday celebration starts with writing it!

Last week I was grumpy. Like to the point where I found myself whispering to myself to “calm down”, answering myself with “IM CALM” and ending the conversation with having to explain myself to the lady at the drive through window. I just have like 20,000 things on my mind. 10,000 on my heart and about -700 in my bank account.

Bless my step mom and her over abundance of love. She has this BEAUTIFUL garden in her yard that every year blooms a variety of flowers, veggies and fruits. I went over to help her paint and have a yard sale. We had lunch half freshly picked from her garden. I call her Farmer Brown. (her last name’s brown) Just being around her, in the garden, in the sun, doing small works that add to a bigger picture of quality of life. It was so restoring. And I made $50 from my sale.

Yesterday I put my first 12 prints up at the café where I will be hosting my exhibit! They look sooo good up there. I also went back to my High School and talked with my guidance councilor about coming back in September as sort of a mentor for students about to graduate who don’t know what to do next.

It’s funny because I still don’t know what to do next. I start a job next week at a call center. So everybody who knows me, who has outstanding credit debt NO I WILL NOT SKIP YOUR NAME ON THE LIST. Unless a bribe is in order. Just kidding. I need this job. I can probably set you up with a suitable payment plan.

My plan like 6 months ago was to go home and study French than transfer and study in France. Than my plan was start a summer camp for kids. Then my plan was road trip in USA over the winter months. With this job I have a 6 months probation, so I though huh in 6 months of living at home, working hard hard I could have for a down payment on a house. But I want to go to Japan again.. and Australia AND AMERICA.

*”calm down”... “I’m calm”*

My Dad and I had to drive to Hamilton for his job and we were talking about how everything has to do with factor A being successful or not, which proposes the next option for life’s direction, B and so on and so on perhaps to Z. You know those playoff charts like, tier A teams 1 & 2 and 3 & 4. The winners and losers go onto play each other and tier B is 2 & 3 and 1 & 4.

That basically epitomizes life. Then there are shituations that come in and scramble the numbers. Oh and of course emotions those are like a tsunami . And the underlying, inevitable, necessary evil, the paper and the pencil used to make the team chart; Money.

My instagram bio is “Here I am stuck in the middle with you” and a link to my blog. Ya’ll know that song?

"Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you and I'm wondering what it is I should do.
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face, losing control, I'm all over the place.
Clowns to left of me, jokers to the right, here am I stuck in the middle with you."

I probably won’t go to college, unless I need to develop an app (number 578 of the 20,000 things on my mind). I want a house , a home built my own ideals and my own work but quite frankly at this stage of my life I’m more at home when I’m out in the world. Starting a business means devoting time and money, I have the passion now and other outlets that are allowing me to utilize that passion so that’s absolutely good enough.

Me my mom and sister went out for ice cream last night. My mom still holds my hand in parking lots. We sat there mostly laughing at each other. Licking away at the melting cream pouring down the cone faster than we could take breaths in between laughter. I remembered like 3 years ago we came here with my cousins and did the same.

Right now I think I need to focus on enjoying the life I am privilege to enjoy and when it’s time to jump into big decisions I will. Until than I will dream, love, save money, dream some more and do some doing.

My blog for next week will be about life in your 20’s. With quotes from other humans currently existing in their 2^nd decade. Consider this post an introduction.

Until next time, pay your credit card bills and talk to yourself more often <3 <3

It's _____ To Be Home.

I’m writing to you from the most exotic , long unscathed, foreign reaches of the planet; In pajama’s and enjoying the smell of my Dad’s blue berry pancakes.  It’s been awhile, not much has changed expect now my cat looks at me kind of funny. Actually yeah not a thing has changed. I sit before laptop screen and on big comfy living room couch writing to you from my home.

146 Nelson Street, Brantford Ontario.  Canada. It’s been a week and a day, since my feet have been planted on good ole Canadian Soil. I’m sleeping in my good ole bedroom. Talking about boys with my good ole best friend. Meeting kids who were like 2 days good new when I left, that are now like 35.

After I came through customs , out in the terminal they were filming that show with loved ones reuniting . I’m not even sure what it’s called but my Dad was always watching it while I was away. As I was coming down the ramp they had camera’s and a big Canada word art thing. I was looking at the crowd of anxiously waiting friends and families, looking for my Dad. By the time I got to the bottom of the ramp I was sweatier than I should have been and my Dad was nowhere to be seen.

The humidity is actually ridiculous here 27 degree high and 34 with humidity. I was wearing like 4 shirts, nylon under shorts and thick sock slippers with the little rubber squishies on the bottom. On tv maybe I would have looked like a gypsy. I didn’t know what my Dad would be wearing but I could never miss him in a crowd.

*spoiler alert*

My Dad wasn’t there. I started melting into my own panic MY PHONES AT 7% by this point. The airport phones only call local numbers. I got connected to wifi and called my Dad over Facebook.

“Oh you’re here. I’m just down the road at coffee culture”

Cool ...enjoy your éclair. 

The ride home from Toronto is just over an hour. My Dad talked and talked and talked. We got home at 10:30 pm and I was hoping I’d fall right asleep. I stayed up till 3 am and woke up at 7am. In the morning my Dad said “you were so chatty on the way home I knew you wouldn’t fall asleep”.

The next day I surprised my Mom, aunt and cousins and showed up at their doors. That was fun. My aunt must have heard my car and looked out the window. I had only just pulled the key out when I heard

“RAISHA’S HOME. MAJ (my mom) MAJ RAISHA’S HOME.”

If you have never met a Jamaican, just know that they can be loud. I don’t even know where in the house my aunt was yelling from but I think the whole of London knew I was home. And I held my niece, if I didn’t have to I would never put her down. She is gorgeous. She just stares at me, she smiles than I just stare at her. I think we’re soul mates.

Being home is _____. Good, strange, nostalgic, important ...comfortably uncomfortable. I want to travel again in November but I need a job first and right now I need all my focus on my exhibit. The first round of photo’s are printed! 8 x 16 , 5 x 7, 8 x 10 and canvas 11 x 14. The canvases are beautiful so I will do most of the rest on canvas.  I interrupted some people’s cafe lunch to invite them because I was just so excited. I also almost caused a car accident.

JULY 14^TH @ STARVING ARTIST CAFE. 42 DALHOUSIE STREET BRANTFORD, ON. 6PM-10PM COME ONE COME ALL.  It’s pay as you feel with photo’s for sale. Blogs to read along with the souvenirs from the moments. Cafe kitchen will be open. Mic and small stage will be open.

It’s my Dad’s 70^th Birthday all proceeds going towards getting this handsome man his handsome smile back. He needs dentures; I need him to be able to eat anything I bake especially when it comes out burnt.  Also he’s single so like a good smile wins over any lady.

If you can’t make it I assume any connection we had to be torn, shredded and totally terminated.

OF COURSE NOT.

But please like my facebook page Local Nomad and follow on insta @nomad.local

Forever and always,

Attendance or avoidance,

Canadian soil or Egyptian dessert,

Until next Wednesday,

Raisha 

On The Road Agaaiiinnnnn

Last night I embarked on a spiritual journey.  Back to the place I last lived in Sydney.  Now of course you’re wondering; what specifically does one require jour-netically for a movement of soul, mind and body to be classified as spiritual.

I’m glad you probably didn’t actually ask because it wasn’t spiritual it was stupid and I am fortunate to have been fished out of my own ocean chase.

1.    1.   Have little to no money

2.    2.   Rain

3.    3.  A note book and pen

I applied for rental van relocation from Melbourne to Sydney, thinking it would save me money and time. By the time I pay the highway toll and cross my fingers, spin 88 times while thinking frugal thought, hoping I didn’t get caught on a speeding camera .. it ended up costing me heaps more.  I did save time, was more comfortable and now can tell my Dad I did something cool.  On the budget I have at the moment all of those things are not worth about $200 unfortunately.

Rain rain go away , I was planning to sleep on the beach today. Don’t you just start speaking in tongues reading that bit. That’s it. That puts the” it” in spiritual. I rocked up to Mona Vale with bags on my back, shoulders and eyes.  My plan was to enjoy the sound of the winter waves with left over pasta, a bottle of wine and enough nostalgia to convince myself it was a good idea.

I busked outside of Coles and Woolworths for a total 2 hours. I made about $40. Which is amazing! This little girl was a little bit in love with riptide. She danced and screamed "mooreee!",  kept dancing. Until I got asked to leave because the shopping centre management doesn’t allow buskers. Fair. I gave the little girl a plastic duck I carry in case of emergencies. You never know.

Then came the rain and lightning. Actually that’s a partial lie. On my way to Sydney it started to rain but it stopped so I thought of course Jesus wants the beach to be dry for me . DIVINE INTERVENTION.  I had to pass the place I used to live on my way to the beach and I wanted to stop there to see who’s living there now. But as a wet, bagged mess,with thunder and lightning about I felt like it wouldn’t go to well.

At this point I realised this whole idea wasn’t going to go so well.

Notepads are my new favourite essential. I write notes about everything and anything. I write notes to remind me to look at other notes. Seriously. I went to my old flat anyways because I thought I'd go around back to the laundry room and leave my bags. That was smart and lucky. I left a note saying “I'm just moving house, I’ll be back in the morning. “ Also with my phone number but my phones not activated ..

I sat under a picnic pavilion at the beach, said a few words, chewed gum, blew bubbles. It was about 10:30 pm at this point, the cold distracted me from my stupidity. I went for a walk. I laid on the rocks. I screamed. I noticed an s.u.v pulling up and thought fuck man someone probably called beach security. 

Mona Vale is a sort of wealthy area and lot’s of old people. Here I am screaming and walking about at 11 pm. What am I going to tell them. Sorry sir I’m here merely to re-step through a passage of nostalgia and self reflection. I feel a strong connection to this sea. Let me be.

“Are you okay, I just came here to smoke a cigarette and look at the lightning. I noticed you laying there. Do you have a place to go?”

“uuhh. I’m okay. I’m not exactly homeless, just stupid. I um I’ll just be staying awake until morning and go pick up my bags. Thank you though”

“Do you need food?”

“Aw no thanks, you're kind.”

“Is there someone I can call or somewhere I can take you”

“Umm not really. I came here sort of on a whim and it wasn’t a good idea so I’ve gotten myself in this situation ..”

“I just live on the corner there, I’m normal, I have an extra room if you’d like to stay the night and I can make a hot tea. It’s raining! Whatever you’ve got yourself in . Let me get you out.”

I looked at this person. They sat down.  We talked for a few minutes and I explained myself a bit. They still offered to let me stay the night so I excepted .

We had chamomile tea and raspberries, shared stories about family, travel and common hobbies. It was really bizarre because I couldn’t help but feel like a complete fool. All they said was "well it’s nice to have a guest in the house."

In the morning I gave them a little origami swan my host mother gave me and said thank you x infinity. I left to get my bags from the laundry room of my old flat. Caught the bus, now I’m at Warringah Mall in the library charging everything before making my way to the city and to my ex-coworkers place.

I was going to make this days blogetry about leaving Melbourne and driving to Sydney but this is in fact more interesting and fresh . Melbourne to Sydney was a regular farewell really. A wholesome one. I was able to spend quality time with everyone I wanted to. It was weird though when I said “peace out home boiis” my homies said “it was nice to have met you.”

Like I forgot I only knew these lovely humans for the past 3 months. Weird. Even Mona Vale was my life/home just 6 months ago. So much has happened in that time.

Next time I come back I wonder if that person will still be living in that corner house. I'll make sure to bring an umbrella, tea and a notepad. It'd be great to catch up after whatever time has passed.

SPIRITUAL A.F. 

ps. Wednesday blogging seems to be good for right now. Until next week <3