Here I Am Stuck in The Middle With You

Congratulations on making it this far into the week. This far into June. This far into whatever shituation life curve balled you, because coming this far means you’re one step closer. A step measured by whatever units you are recording by; assignments, dollars, tomato plants, ice cubes, tan lines. Happy Wednesday June 28^th!

I thank you in advance as I will now assume your means of joy and jubilations are sourced from reading this post. Admittedly my Wednesday celebration starts with writing it!

Last week I was grumpy. Like to the point where I found myself whispering to myself to “calm down”, answering myself with “IM CALM” and ending the conversation with having to explain myself to the lady at the drive through window. I just have like 20,000 things on my mind. 10,000 on my heart and about -700 in my bank account.

Bless my step mom and her over abundance of love. She has this BEAUTIFUL garden in her yard that every year blooms a variety of flowers, veggies and fruits. I went over to help her paint and have a yard sale. We had lunch half freshly picked from her garden. I call her Farmer Brown. (her last name’s brown) Just being around her, in the garden, in the sun, doing small works that add to a bigger picture of quality of life. It was so restoring. And I made $50 from my sale.

Yesterday I put my first 12 prints up at the café where I will be hosting my exhibit! They look sooo good up there. I also went back to my High School and talked with my guidance councilor about coming back in September as sort of a mentor for students about to graduate who don’t know what to do next.

It’s funny because I still don’t know what to do next. I start a job next week at a call center. So everybody who knows me, who has outstanding credit debt NO I WILL NOT SKIP YOUR NAME ON THE LIST. Unless a bribe is in order. Just kidding. I need this job. I can probably set you up with a suitable payment plan.

My plan like 6 months ago was to go home and study French than transfer and study in France. Than my plan was start a summer camp for kids. Then my plan was road trip in USA over the winter months. With this job I have a 6 months probation, so I though huh in 6 months of living at home, working hard hard I could have for a down payment on a house. But I want to go to Japan again.. and Australia AND AMERICA.

*”calm down”... “I’m calm”*

My Dad and I had to drive to Hamilton for his job and we were talking about how everything has to do with factor A being successful or not, which proposes the next option for life’s direction, B and so on and so on perhaps to Z. You know those playoff charts like, tier A teams 1 & 2 and 3 & 4. The winners and losers go onto play each other and tier B is 2 & 3 and 1 & 4.

That basically epitomizes life. Then there are shituations that come in and scramble the numbers. Oh and of course emotions those are like a tsunami . And the underlying, inevitable, necessary evil, the paper and the pencil used to make the team chart; Money.

My instagram bio is “Here I am stuck in the middle with you” and a link to my blog. Ya’ll know that song?

"Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you and I'm wondering what it is I should do.
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face, losing control, I'm all over the place.
Clowns to left of me, jokers to the right, here am I stuck in the middle with you."

I probably won’t go to college, unless I need to develop an app (number 578 of the 20,000 things on my mind). I want a house , a home built my own ideals and my own work but quite frankly at this stage of my life I’m more at home when I’m out in the world. Starting a business means devoting time and money, I have the passion now and other outlets that are allowing me to utilize that passion so that’s absolutely good enough.

Me my mom and sister went out for ice cream last night. My mom still holds my hand in parking lots. We sat there mostly laughing at each other. Licking away at the melting cream pouring down the cone faster than we could take breaths in between laughter. I remembered like 3 years ago we came here with my cousins and did the same.

Right now I think I need to focus on enjoying the life I am privilege to enjoy and when it’s time to jump into big decisions I will. Until than I will dream, love, save money, dream some more and do some doing.

My blog for next week will be about life in your 20’s. With quotes from other humans currently existing in their 2^nd decade. Consider this post an introduction.

Until next time, pay your credit card bills and talk to yourself more often <3 <3