Ready?

I was not ready to be a Mom or a Step Mom or come home from my voyages abroad or go across the world in the first place. I wanted and needed more time, I wasn't ready to graduate or move out or move in. It all happened so suddenly, surely I wasn't ready; to become a woman or tie my shoes or try seafood and that's just as much as I can remember.

I'm still not ready to figure out what to do next. Part of me wants to let the universe take me under its wing and fly me somewhere, like an olive branch ready to begin in the new world. My better judgement perhaps, has the next 5 years in an agenda with goals organized by colour; long term, immediate, stepping stone. The last bit of decision making left in me is the partisan for naps.

Most of the moments that shaped who I am at this very time and place I was not "ready" for. Isn't that one of the seven wonders of the world? Number seven - being ready, six- experiencing firsts, five-learning, four-loving, three-speaking up and out, two-patience and silence, NUMBER ONE..? Well if I knew that then I'd really be smart.

Have you ever had the "where I would be if..." conversation with someone? Where do you think you'd be if... you hadn't gotten that job or if you did? Where do you think you'd be if you took that chance or gave it to someone else? Yesterday my love gave me the most remarkable answer. He said "I don't like to waste energy thinking in a parallel universe when I need that energy to make my dreams a reality, with you, now. " I definitely wasn't ready for that answer.  The truth is sometimes ready for us before we are for it I suppose.

Julius and I spend our days solving some of life's toughest daily conundrums (eg.what to wear, did you poop, are you hungry, is it nap time yet?) at this point in the game I'm feeling really comfortable with my mommy duties. We're 5.5 months in so half-time is just around the corner which means work and school are only a September away! Ideally I'll be staying at home until Julius starts kindergarten. Some days when I think of doing what we're doing now, for the next three years I think I may never be ready to take on the world again.

That auspicious word; ready, as if readiness decides the outcome of what is waiting. I'd like the think the most prominent change makers in the word were less than ready to make changes transpire the way they did. Maybe it was in the agenda a few days earlier or later. They could have even been watching and wishing for someone else's success on the matter.

Hence the renowned quote " I didn't choose the (insert lyfe type here) the lyfe chose me." 

Right now my goal is using my energy daily to stay content with my surroundings. For me that means  keeping organized and well scented. I have a daily routine of house wifery I do and I break that up by doing things that are on track with my aspirations. My aspirations long term, short term and immediately. Now that may all make me sound a bit pretentious, so let me tell you a secret... Naspire: A nap to refresh oneself and feel inspired again.  Because some days (or weeks) I just need to refresh my mind before I feel ready again. Ready to put on pants or ready get a house full of humans ready to be somewhere we needed to be 15 minutes ago.

So are you ready yet?

To give yourself a break or to clock back in? Ready to prune yourself of dead weight and bloom? Ready to forgive? Probably not right.. well whatever it is you may just want to drink another coffee (or g&t), schedule yourself a 3 o'clock nap for next Wednesday and get ready to be a lot less ready and much more willing and able.