Table Tales

Now that Julius is starting to eat solid foods the journey of teaching table manners is seemingly a long winding road. No-one else can get away with having a foot in one hand and their food in the other at the dinner table. I'm expecting to need a tarp under the table for at least the next 4 years. The feet get shaken, banged on the table and when he lets go there's no mess. The watermelon, crackers, puree's and baby utensil end up in places you wouldn't even believe.

About 30 minutes after breakfast today I found banana in one of Julius' neck creases. One... of Julius' neck creases, so of course I had to check the rest! Then I stepped on some more banana on my way to throw the other piece out. In an exclamation of humour and surprise I looked at Julius and said "Whatttt?!"  (He loves when I draw out the "T" sound) 

The amount of cheekiness on his face was mesmerizing, as if he was giggling and saying

"I saved that piece for you mum!"

Babies still look cute mid vomit. I've never experienced this with any other human. Julius will be spitting up milk; smiling at me, waving his hands, wiggling his legs all without a care in the world. If babies could talk maybe that would tip the cuteness scale.  Putting the faces I think look carelessly cute into words might sound more like "uuuuhhhh ahaha woopsie,  sorry mum".  Although, hearing "uhh gosh mum I think I'm gonnaaa.." in between sharts and spit-ups would at least allow a bit more time for me to move over. There will be more messes during his talkative years I'm sure, than I'll be wishing for silence.

Grunting is his best communication method. He has started saying "dadadadaaada" but I'm still being naive in accepting this as a sign of first words. A low long grunt usually means he's not happy. Or has to poop. I higher pitched almost screaming grunt can be excitement or frustration, depending on the situation. If I hear a short little, kind of helpless grun (not even grunty enough to be a "grunt") he's usually tired or he just pooped.

Remember playing dodge ball in elementary school? Parent hood with a baby boy is like a game of dodge stream. Every diaper change is very risky. There is an inevitable chance of rapid fire, coming at you like an invisible laser. The worst is when you think it's done so you relax, you let your guard down *psssssss pssspss* squirted you right in the chest. Shirt change number five that day and you're considering wearing amour during these diaper endeavours.

There is nothing I can think of comparable to changing a big, wet, overflowing, strange coloured, off textured, nose hair curdling diaper. If you've ever seen those memes picturing a baby with the atomic waste spattered up its back with a caption that reads something about having to throw the whole human out, that is really how it feels in the moment. Seconds later as love and better judgement ration their way into your thought process, you can turn on the shower or fill up the tub. Some times its even interesting. You can actually identify the exact foods eaten in the last 24 hours or less.

Aside from the few tiny terrors, babies are great fun. I get the pure pleasure of dedicating a portion of my every day to cuddles AND BABY GIGGLES. Once you get used to the diaper changes, sleep dis order and always remembering to bring _____, it gets a lot more manageable. We are almost seven months deep and each day I'm overflowing with little tales of Julius' hilarity.

Until next week, I wish ya'll a Happy Canada Day weekend and hope you make some new table tales of your own!!

Healing

When a five year old insists she needs a bandaid for a cut she got last week that "still kinda hurts though" it can be hard to say no. (at least after the fifth time..) I was in this situation where I was explaining to my step daughter that her scabs are not "bad guys" they're "good guys", who are helping her hurt skin feel better and making new skin.  (She has a phrase "you be BAD guy"  she uses anytime she trips, spills or looses control of whatever object she was miss using.) I started thinking about the process of healing, our physical abrasions go through such an obvious change but our emotional and mindful healing is nearly invisible.

Forgiveness- Imagine the scabs you might see on peoples chests if emotional healing happened more like physical healing. The parts of our heads where the mind was inflicted by traumas would be covered in a luscious protected layer. Would it be easier to talk about if these wounds left us with physical scars?
"Ou how did you get that nasty scratch?"
"Well... I fell out of love."
"Have you tried eating ice cream and being self deprecating?"
"Actually it's healing on its own pretty nicely, I'm just going to take care of it."

Acceptance- Ripping off the bandaids to uncover those scars will be painful, guaranteed. But not as painful as what has already been endured. Peeling those boo boo hiders off can be so satisfying. You've been careful in the shower and at the sink for weeks. Checking for the bandaid as soon as you wake up to make sure it didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Applying ointments and letting it breathe when nesscesary. Then when that little itchy feeling starts to creep in, you know its healing and can't wait to reveal a new layer of you. Something happened, you survived, here's what it will be now. Scars are basically constellations the universe is arranging on us.

Changes- At first sight of an open wound it is not uncommon for ones entire life to flash before their eyes. As if the sight of a piece of our raw self provoked this realization that we are not impenetrable.
*One single tear follows.*
The secret is not to linger on the pain nor the process of healing. Sometimes the wounds that take longest to heal are the ones we're convinced still need this and that and those and him or her. Move on and don't look back because that is not the direction you're going. If you've been ridding the waves in the ocean of whatever your problem is, pull out a paddle and get going where you need to be!

My step daughter needed another bandaid for something on the back of her ankle. She didn't mention anything about anything all day then suddenly she says
"I need a bandaid here *points to achilles* before I go to sleep Raishieeee."
 Then of course she was totally immobilized by the feeling of the bandaid restricting her achilles ever so slightly.

 Pain slows you down, cripples our senses and distracts us from our sweet dreams. It can be a whole new type of awful when the aches are seemingly invisible. Forgiveness, acceptance and change are just the three headlining situations I chose to identify. Whether the sting lasts years or minutes don't waste yourself on what happened. Wield yourself as an instrument for healing.

Until next week, enjoy ripping the bandaids off those thoughts or emotions you've been covering up and not allowing to breathe and heal!!!!
 (kissy emoji)

I Just..

I just sat down the other day and started thinking about how I feel as a Mum and how I could describe  my insight into this new role. Incidentally it was after I had done a spring cleaning of the whole house, knowing the fresh scent and dust freedom wouldn't last much longer than those five minutes I had to sit. I came up with a little list of two word phrases I would use to describe motherhood. Topping the list , being most relevant to me is the phrase "I just.." followed by and exclaimed in various situations.

I jussssttt saw *insert childs name*, where is she or slightly less frightening because there's safety in numbers, where are they? This is used most often in parks or any other public place. Usually in some sort of anxious, borderline angry state, on the contrary, some days at the park it's more of "I jusssst pushed you for 15 minutes straight , how about you go down the slide now." That's a tired and playful state wherein my mind is telling me sit down and my body can't stop pushing the swinging child "higher" (attempts to walk away) "HIGHER!"

I just fed you. I say this 30 minutes after breast feeding and about 15 minutes after dinner when the babes are asking if they can have a snack. This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves but I'm trying not to take it personally. I'm really working on overcoming this don't worry. 1. I tell myself it's not because my food's terrible. 2. I change the topic of conversation for five minutes than when the "I'm full" comes up again I say "ok just finish your..." and repeat this tactic until the meal gets finished or closer too. And 3. since we don't own a microwave it's easier to dish out some crackers and cheese than it is to warm up left overs.

I JUST..! Your interpretation of typed fonts has probably informed you that "I just" is said in anger. I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TOO... ; is the most common introduction to whatever question was asked about candy, toys, movies, being there yet or playing with something more valuable than it is playful. Oh and of course used to halt fighting and the touching of a siblings precious random thing. Or yelling. Or running, jumping , floor sqirming and stair sliding. Or opening kitchen drawers and putting body weight into it instead of utensils. Or playing with the soap. Or asking why. Or...
I should move on.

I just love when: we watch family movies and cozy up together, I hear someone talking to their bath toys, Julius laughs at his brother being silly, I'm asked a question that challenges me to sound like I really know what I'm talking about. One of my most proud "I just love when" moments is when we're all piled into the car on our way to something that we're actually going to be on time for. And on the way back when everyones asleep. I really just love when I hear all four babes enjoying some shenanigan that they've imaginated deeper and deeper into. I mean turning a pile of wood and a garden rake into some sort of sport with aliens and dead grass. It's messy afterwards but the type of mess that's more like a fossil of fun times than a burden.

I just remembered... This is my demise lately. Last week I left my phone at the park, another day same week my wallet at the store. I've missed appointments and came a day early for another. I'll buy pasta sauce when we have six jars at home but forget bread... Mom brain. Again don't worry I'm overcoming this as well.  Also on my list of short punch lines for motherhood was; Bed time! Let's go, Not today, Not now, Not yet, I'm tired, ONE...TWO...

Now I don't mean to reduce motherhood down to short temperaments. There could never be enough of a word count available to truly sum up the infinite love and prosperity that motherhood encompasses. I'd love to hear some other personal punch lines, comment on here or my socials and tell me your two words.

One Year Later

We've lived in our home for a year now and it has housed 365 plus memories. The most sharable moments have furnished this humble abode on every floor and in every room (some not so sharable ones too *cough cough wink wink*) My best and worst meals were cooked in this kitchen. The greatest snuggles have been had in all spots possible and the greatest fights. Parties were thrown, enjoyed and cleaned up after many a week ends. I gave birth to Julius right in the living room before the hardwood floors were even finished.

We came, we saw, we knocked down walls and built more usable spaces. It's still a work in progress , an unfinished piece, history in the making and I'm so proud and great full to be a part of making it our home. 

The first aspiration was fitting the couch and the king bed through the front door. Since than the man of the house has been unstoppabley transforming the place inside and out. He built a shed and recruited the eldest babe to help with the finishing touches. He tore down kitchen walls and put in cabinets. I helped sand and mud during the beginning of my matt leave but for everything low to the ground there was two younger babes who enjoyed being daddies little helpers. The home is as unique as each of us because we all played a role in its fruition.

What's the first rule of fight club? Say sorry to your sibling when it's all over. Our back yard and basement have been the kickboxing ring and the karate dojo. It always starts out as a fun idea unfortunately no-one has ever came out unscathed. What's a battle wound without a good story behind it? Except when the story is told by a seven year old with a bite mark I supposed. All is fair in love and war, I tell the babes it's a good way to learn each others boundaries. 

After almost a whole summer of hot dogs or chicken with rice I had to strap on my apron and meal plan some more family friendly meals. Some recipes were very well received and others quite literally trashed. The kids will try almost anything involving cheese or "chicken" especially if bribed with ice cream. That only works some days though, if there's too much cheese a complaint is filed. If there's not enough cheese a comment is dropped and if you take to long to answer "Is this chicken?" a concern is raised. Us adults like things spicy so during the week I make more elaborate meals. There's been days we couldn't finish a dish fast enough, on the contrary there's been meals we couldn't finish. But hey ice cream makes things better for us big kids too. I'm doing much better than I was a year ago.

(I'm also doing much more laundry and dishes and supervising and question answering and bath bubbling and hair styling and get ready on timing aka loving.)

Our friends are as welcomed here as our family. We have the best neighbours on both sides who have rung in a surprise birthday and a New Year with us! Coworkers have gathered after hours around the bbq and gal pals have gathered around Julius. When the music is up and the twinkle lights are hung the house becomes everybody's home for the evening right until the morning after. 

I will never forget pushing a human out of me. To make the day even more memorable we get to say to our guests "Yeap right there in front of the couch!"  It was perhaps the most intimate and intrinsic day of my life. Besides the whole story that's really all I can say! Our first week together the whole main level was being re floored. Newborns can really sleep through anything. (except the nights ...)

Now that the housely rigamarole is becoming just second nature to me I can't wait to start enjoying all the growth we will all share here. The kid's worlds are getting bigger and so are they. We're becoming better parents and worse sleepers. The house is transforming every season as is everything else around it. I welcome the mysteries and the duties of the next 16 years plus!

I can't wait to share it all with yous too.