Finale

Yesterday was my last day as a door knocker. Also being my last day as an employed person in Australia with my current visa. For sales it wasn’t a good day.  Nothing all day up until my very last house, I knocked on the door and a lady yelled out “who is it? Come around the back”. It’s not until I say these things to other people that I realise I should be a lot more care full than I am.

I could tell it was an elderly lady so I wasn’t worried. Her name is Brenda, by the way she answered the door I thought oh great someone is calling me around back so they can yell in my face about how much of a money scam solar panels are. (it’s not by the way.) She couldn’t answer the door because of something with her legs. Instead she welcomed me right into her house and asked me to let the cat outside to be fed.

“The whole can?”

“ Yes dear, the whooollee can”

Before I left I also took out the recycle but more importantly I made a promise to make my first stop, upon my future return to Australia, straight to Ayres rock- Uluru. In her words “I never thought a lump of rock in the middle of the desert could be a spiritual experience” .  I gestured a pinky promise she said “I’m on Facebook!  B. R. E. N....”

We became friends and she made an appointment to see a solar specialist. All’s well ends well.

Earlier in the day I stopped for my lunch break in a park. I was at the same park the day before but it was pouring rain. This time I played around on the equipment.  A grandfather and his granddaughter came on the equipment and I acted cool. They started playing this game where the little girl would hide basically in plain site and her granddad would say

” Have you seen my Josephine? A little girl about this tall. You saw her right? In a school uniform. I can’t seem to find her.”

 I was on the swing, pumping my legs and getting too high. A refreshing high of nostalgia and youth.

“I’ll keep an eye out for her”  (*whilst waving at this little girl)

Once I get to a certain altitude on swings I get a bit nauseous, so rather than ruin this beautiful moment with vomit and sloppy tears I dragged my feet along the mulch until I was at the pace to launch into the air and land safely. I’ve always been afraid of going too high on swings I have no idea why.  Once I got off I starting making my way to the next block of houses, when an overwhelming sense of reminiscence hit me.

The Grand Dad and Daughter reminded me of me and my Dad. I was also thinking about work when I go home and the feeling of coming home and taking off my work stuff. Going to bed in my room MY BED..as old and nearly decrepit as it may be, it may still have my ugly pajama’s under the pillow... After a long nostalgic train of thought the tears came with the least sentimental notion. Hanging my clothes up in my closet.

There I was between 129 and 131 on Lilian street swelling up, hearing kids coming out of school and me pretending to look busy flipping through my clipboard papers. At the thought of unpacking my suitcases, doing laundry, hanging up and putting away my things. Just chilling in my little sanctuary. A refreshing flow of happy tears ran down me.

I have also been looking at the cost of flights home.  It is almost finished. I'm at the airport right now, en route to Brisbane to visit a friend I havent seen in maybe 4 years. She's here for uni, also leaving soon.

My time in Australia feels complete!  Stay tuned for my post Brissy blogetry <3

Preparing For Take Off

Yesterday I didn’t leave the house until 4 or 5 pm or bother to put on shoes. My reasoning... 1 to partake in the choosing of a time capsule vessel 2. Because If I’m gonna look like a bum, I’m giving it -%100.. so no shoes.

TIME CAPSULE YOU SAY. Yes. As I am leaving the land of Australia. This place I’ve come to know as home, specifically 4 Turnbull Ct, Brunswick West Melbourne Victoria, which will be demolished to make way for a more modern housing scheme.

*crowd booos*

So in ode to this precious property a time capsule has been the talk of the house. Mostly by me. But today Liam and I went to savers and scouted THE PERFECT vessel to encapsulate an expression or remnant from each house members time here.

Before that ...about 9am I woke up and just started packing and organising my bags. This weekend I am going to Brisbane to visit a friend who is there for school, than Wednesday I am off to JAPAN. Both I am very very excited for.

My friend is Brisbane is an elementary school  friend who I haven’t seen in a few years. Spending time in her house and hearing of her adventures thus far will be sooooo soooo amazing. Then back to the loft to do laundry, drink tea, say I love you to my mates and boom Japan.

Someone asked me do I know any Japanese.. and that’s when It struck me.. oh man I don’t and oh man I’m going to Japan and woah it’s a totally different culture to accustom myself to. Another friend who has been touching base with me during my travels asked/informed me about current events in Japan. This will be my first “long” period of time in a not western country by myself.... I might need to get a copy of Japanese for dummies just to be safe.

SO I spent the day I tying up a lot of loose ends. Oh also last week I was off work. Today and yesterday as well because of the holiday. So I utilised these last two full days of nothing, to get little things done. All the tasks that I’ve been writing on scraps of paper and forgetting about. I made jewels for all of my housemates. I packed my bags. Changed the bedding, hand washed some undies I’ll need until the end of the week.. this is the in between travels glamour  by the way.

I gave my loves their gifts and it filled the atmosphere with love. I was going to/should have waited until my last day here. But I just couldn’t. I love making things for people. I really try to channel their style and energy into a specific piece. When all that energy is bubbling in the palm of my hand I just can’t wait to give it to it's energy owner.

Now I start work again... just for 2 days.. it’s bitter sweet because I got a lot of things done ... Stress free.... But I also missed out on a lot of mula these past 7 working days.. The last things on my list are just to buy an Australian souvenir for my host family in Japan and some small grocery items to bring with me.

Bing bam book bang . It’s all a matter of flights, time and money now. Very daunting yet there’s a security because those things I can handle and have mind mapped into a schedule.

Last week was possible my best in Melbourne yet. Of course not without its final demise. In true fashion of my time here, after 6 days of goodness and fortune. Yesterday I was caught on the tram not paying to board. A fine was issued...buuuttttt I don’t think I’ll be here by the time it’s sent.

THINGS ARE MOVING FAST AND I AM ACTUALLY KEEPING UP. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

One love.  And  “Soreja matta”  

12 Days

Thanks everyone for your grace and love. All who prayed for my nipple and winced in pain as they read the horrors of my tender torn teat. It is healing really really well! Things get better before they get worse, as they say. I’ll assume last week was my worst.

This week I focused all my energy and time on building myself up. Essentially preparing for takeoff and just being present. The things I needed to complete for the next 2-3 weeks which were crucial were the only tasks I focused on. I got things done with such a cleaner mind and didn’t feel torn between tasks or myself.

It makes such a difference just to wake up and start the day without carrying bricks of worry. Worrying what to wear, will I make enough solar sales, what to eat, what to do before my visa expires, will I have enough money for the end of the month... Starting the day in a state of worry completely alters the direction of time and energy.

I had so much I wanted to do and needed to do I was losing my mind in between and my time. This week I made sure to do everything with a fullness. Instead of trying to do 10 things at once, which end up being done half assed. I concentrated on 5 things to devote my full attention to. Number one always being me. As selfish as that may sound, it is 900% what I needed to do. Not only has it worked in terms of task management but inwardly I feel such a fresh, relieving sense of content.

I did some Melbournian things I wanted to do. My volunteering position for Japan is successfully lined up. I am going home in 2 months without any regrets. That is the biggest success for me this week. Deciphering the reasons I didn’t want to go home. In short I had this suppressed or deep seated fear that home means the end. Everyone is excited to see you than it’s done in a few weeks. Back to family shit, back to my old job. That this new life I’ve unlocked will get put in a glass box and I’ll look at it on my shelf of old trophies.

WHAT WAS I THINKING THAT FOR. This is just the beginning. In fact it’s the editor’s note or the epigraph, chapter one is a few pages away. Instead of thinking about all the shitty or scary things attached to home, I’ve been reminiscing about sleeping in my own bed. Unpacking my suitcases I sent home like 6 months ago. EATING MY DADS HOME MADE BREAD. With a spread of butter and cup of tea accompanied by a Reeses peanut butter cup. YUMM. My Moms cooking and even being annoyed at her in person. Over the phone it’s just not the same.. she has this look she gives me when I get vexed at her. AND MY NEICE!!!!!!!!

One thing that causes me grief that I tried to tackle but now decided is one for life to just work out itself. This expectation to go right into study. It is something I do want for my future, I am just not sure what title, what degree what course . what.ever. Coming to Australia was my thing I chose to do to gain a knowledge and experience instead of a degree. And it really has been that and so much more.

To my surprise and perhaps ironically, during this week of me finally finding the balance I needed. I had two family members, whom I am not in consistent contact with, make a remark about me needing to come home and get a real job and go to school already. WOAH. I was/am actually offended because one comment was made to my Dad and the other to me over a textual conversation that maybe happens once a month. I love both people but neither of them are up to date directly from me with the phases of my evolution. For them to make these comments, as if I am degrading myself, was just a shock.

My Dad has been reading my blogs, nipples, cigarettes, f bombs and all! And the conversations we have now are so great. He knows my situations from jobs, stress and money. Those are my weekly phone-ular updates. Than when mid rant he’ll say “oh yeah like you said in your blog..” it’s so funny to me because this is me on a different level. It’s very... je ne sais quoi...

Word vomit in a positive connotation. Sometimes I get nervous right before I press the post button. I have my stock pile of unpublished posts that I will re read and post when I’m home because I think it’ll be soooooo intriguing.  My younger cousin in American said she loves when I just write my thoughts. I enjoy it so much and I am just so genuinely full of appreciation that peoples are following me through this world. Highs and lows and in betweens.

12 Days until my visa expires. Marking one full year in Australia. Two nights ago me and my housemates had a really beautiful night. Just talking and sharing love ...and memes. In a conversation topic similar to this posts I said something like “ This one year has felt more full of life and love than perhaps the other 19 I’ve spent on this earth”.

That’s true and frightening and in this week’s serenity, I think the realisation of that and saying that out loud embodied this fullness I have.

What I’m trying to say today is basically. . Check ya self before u wreck ya self.  <3

Not So Good Friday

This week has cut me up, mixed me with herbs and spices and threw me into a pan of sizzling hot oil.. I’m not sure what to make of it or if that’s even a good analogy. But I am totally fried and mixed up in a stirring of life’s different seasonings.

I started writing this post Friday, from this day fourth I shall remember April 14^th 2017 as my Not So Good Friday. Misfortunes still fresh on the palate of my patience,  the end of a frustrating week and the beginning to the weekends climatic event.

Thankfully I’m never far from good company . My house mates all had stories from their week, which had been filled equally or even more so with mishaps. Not that I relish in the suffrage of other people but it was sooo good to empathise. With a good cup of cocoa and a deep breath I was ready to look forward to the long weekend, Saturday was to be a new and joyous day.

Leaving you on a hook there and skipping ahead, here I am Sunday morning. I Woke up with a smile left over from last night. And before I even got to the bathroom to pee my whole being was literally ripped apart.

Consistency is totally void to my life now. An alien vocabulation of a type of lifestyle or pattern to ones days. At this point I can’t even remember to put deodorant on both armpits. Making progression or finding any footing what so ever is also an obsolete ambition. Every action, every decision I make, buying a loft a bread vs buying fresh fruit. What to wear. How to spend my days off. I keep having this unsettling rain cloud hover over me.

I made up my mind to go home by not exactly making up my mind but weighing a few facts and seeing the scale tip towards an answer. The thought of going home still gives me an uneasy feeling I can’t get rid of or understand. Yet my time here is wearing my sanity and my patience down to a grain of a grain of sand. I literally do not know what to do with myself. I’m just keeping on. My head feels like it disconnected from my body. My heart as well. I’m totally discombobulated. And today was the absolute demise of it all.

So without further adieu, let me start to tell you about my weekend and briefly the week because it is conducive to this shit storm and than there is a glimmering light of good news. This introduction was in fact building up to these series of events which have provoked this discomposure.  

*queue drum role and narrator (which I guess is you the reader ..ha)*

Friday 7 am. I woke up early even though I had work off because I was selling my bike (again....I can’t remember if I wrote about getting it back from the lady I sold it to before..) I was meeting the person at 10 but it takes me 1.5 hours to get there and I had a Skype interview. I was just 5 minutes from the station when I felt the back tire start wobbling, so I hoped off the bike and BEHOLD.. the tire had come off the rim. I have no idea how ..like what the what... so I called the person and told them and offered to take $20 off the price but they declined. This was the final straw of my patience with this bike. I left it at the station with a sign “free”.

Okay whatever brush is off. I won’t make $50 but I though at least I can get laundry done, a blog post and I still have my interview. JUST KIDDING.  My interviewer sent me a message ,something came up and we had to reschedule for Sunday. So I went home did some errands and had a good phone conversation with my Dad. Who had also been having a rough week.  Awe happy ending.. STILL KIDDING. My boss called me and said unfortunately I’ll have no work for this week. Ha.haha. are you fucking kidding yet?

Saturday was packed full of prospect for greatness. I had a house cleaning job, did some busking and bought a good breakfast. Boom. The day started beautiful. Just as I began to expect the worst to come out of nowhere.. it kept going good. A friend from Bali is down for the weekend, so a few of da homies went out for dinner .. I was brought the wrong order of food and than scolded by the waiter .. but haay I was expecting mishaps and that was minor.

AND BEST OF ALL I PARTICIPATED IN THE ANNUAL CELEBRATION OF LIFE FOR THE VERY LOVELY MISS TAWNEY.

Despite the headaches from the Mon-Fri , Saturday swept me off my feet . I was surrounded by love. Lovely people,  Love of food, love of life and love of loving all those things. I met Tawney after dinner at a house party full of groove. Groovy, gorgeous humans. Groovy tunes and the groovy magic of all this coming together to celebrate life. 

Just before I left one guy asked me for a tour..which was actually a set up for a smooth pick up line. “What’s your favourite room..." I turned around and motioned towards the front of the house, dipped into the first room on the left. THE DANCE FLOOR. One way to lose a man or see if he’s worth keeping is with a little d & d. Dance-floor deception.

 I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. And dancing!  Last night was such a needed burst of positive energy . At the train station I had about an hour wait for my train, it was about 3:30am , at this time public transport goes through this weird change of like the last of the party people who need to get home and almost morning timing . This guy asked to sit at the table I was sitting at. I managed to get one of the only tables not polluted by fossils of litter from the intoxicated beings who populated the food court before my time. 

After laughing to myself at memes for like 10 minutes I thought woah woah there is a human being in front of you. TALK. To make a long one hour train wait conversation short, His name is Amandus, from Sweden, a very dear relative just died and he lives 10 minutes from me and was waiting for the same train, which we ended up missing so we split for a uber. Although I usually don’t pay from the station to my house and the uber was like $50. It was warmer, friendlier and a good chance to share some of the love I’d accumulated that day, with someone who indubitably needed it .

*queue curtains and end credit music*

I woke up bright eyed and Skypecited (excited for Skype if you didn’t get it..) Rather than go through the back room to get into the house I decided to walk around the yard and to the front door. . what could possibly go wrong...I’ve been awake for 10 minutes...ahh today should be another lovely day.... PLEASE PREPARE YOUR MINDS FOR THIS PART. This is it. This has perhaps been my last straw. The last unfortunate event in this week’s series.

Actually first two small parts to add for better reader understanding , 1. About 10 days ago I got my nipples pierced..  2. From the loft to the front door. I must pass through a gate. . I hope you haven’t guessed it. AH THE SUSPENSE. I thought about leaving it out of the story and just talking about the week now.. but I think this definitely pivotal to the demise of me the protagonist.

As I passed through the gate with an early morning ‘I need to pee’ waddle. In a fresh from the depths of slumber, braless pyjama fashion. My nipple ring caught on the gate and ripped out. I think I died and came back with out any human emotion, care for life or will to continuing breathing.

Anyways I am in stable condition now thanks to my housemates, chocolate and green tea.  My Skype interviewer didn’t respond to my messages. I’m finally finishing this post, that I had started Friday. I’ve come decide that today I will probably not leave the house, for the greater good of my sanity.

Now a synopsis of my week up until this end:  Monday I didn’t work cause of the weather,so I bought good shoes and a jacket.  Tuesday, Wednesday I started to book my flights and accommodation for Japan. It was declined twice and I had to cancel my reservation at a hostel because I had booked an all boys dorm. Finally Thursday I got a flight and contact with the pre-mentioned interviewer, for a volunteer position that includes accommodation.

My via expires in 2 weeks!!!! Hopefully I can make it that far. Just kidding. Actually I’m serious. I think I’m waiting for some sort of destiny to intervene and give me some spectacular clairvoyant knowledge and comfort. Perhaps that’s my problem.. I really don’t know. It’s not that I expect things to be flawless, It’s never been that way but it just seems like this rough patch is very dense and heavy.

For the rest of today I will just go for with a good walk, watch movies and make pasta for dinner.  Just solace and peaceful activities that are light on the mind and body. The next 2 weeks can only be better. And if not then there’s Japan! If that falls apart than hey I’ll be back to good friends in Australia. I don’t even want to think about anything going horribly wrong when I get home... I is kind I is smart I is important. That’s how I get through day by day. Until next time , pray for my nipple <3

Home?

A couple nights ago I couldn’t sleep. I had one thing on my mind, that one thing is essentially a Pandora’s box holding billions of things. Those billions of things, more realistically are 27 days. 27 days that I have until my visa expires. 27 days until I leave Australia, until I go to Japan, inevitably getting closer to going back home.

I think I’m getting cold feet. I’m not quite sure if I’m ready to go home. Or what that even means. I can’t exactly identify specific reasons as to what is affecting this conundrum. The closest I’ve got to describing it is that in the universe’s timing it’s time for me to go home. But in my little universe’s time keep it’s not yet. 

For those who have not yet learnt to decipher the contemporary dialect of one Raishian; I mean my family, friends, bank and probably even brain cells (I mean answering the call of secondary education) have all hands of the clock to HOME. On the contrary, my circadian rhythm and perhaps my sense of wanderlust are still rotating around and I’m not sure what gears and measurements are used in this to determine time.

This week at work was a weird bunch of tiny mishaps. Yesterday I missed my tram stop, which is Flemington Community Centre. I get free coffee inside and walk 15 minutes from there to work. But the last 3 days the coffee hasn’t been there...(which I think could be them noticing I come in there just for coffee...)  A stop passed the community centre, where I got off by chance of missed button timing, there is a 7/11. For only $1 I can be caffeinated and to work on time.

A missed tram stop to one is a caffeine secure opening to another. A logical prospect that wasn’t connected to my thought process that morning. I decided to back track and walk to the community centre for the chance of free coffee..this is one more interpretation of “the universe’s time” vs “my insight of time”. I decided to inconvenience myself for a gamble with freedom. When the same or even better opportunity was presented to me, just on a different occasion.

This Thursday morning, caffine deprived, story plus a weekly dose of Raisha has a mini existential crisis... accurately relates to my options when I think about going home or staying here longer.

SHOULD I STY OR SHOULD I GO. DUN DUN DUN DUN NUNU NUNU NAA 

I started a note on my computer of all the projects big and small I want to devote my time and money to when I’m home. Most of these projects are based off of things I’ve learned along my travels. These types of projects I really need the security of home to establish and bring the ideas life. And I’m very eager and enthusiastic to start those. But for whatever reason I keep thinking wwweellll I can spend a little more time away, gaining more experiences and when I go home my bag of ideas and projects will be so full and so knowledgeable, I’ll be more ready to settle down with them.

Again not sure what is weighing this side of the scale.. Of course if I go home, with what I have now and put it to action, I’ll be gaining experiences and knowledge. So why do I feel like risking security and comfort for dreaminess..I know what I have to do. What I should do. What is definitely best. But I want to raise my sanity, savings and home relationships to gamble on wanderlust...

I think writing this out has been more valuable for me than perhaps it has been as a reader..!? It’s all these little situations that grind my gears and I’m not really sure which way they’re going or if the gears are stuck on 3 turns ahead than 3 turns back. Anyways to conclude today’s message, a lyrics from one of my recent musical reliefs.  I’ve been listening to Rocket Man by Elton John almost on repeat, the chorus is..

“And I think it's gonna be a long long time
'Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone”

One Week As a Door Knocker

9 million door bells, 500,000 angry dogs, 12,000 beautiful veranda’s and too many old people who want to chat for too long. That’s what one week in flyer distribution feels like, the numbers slightly exaggerated. .I made it though. Monday to Friday 11-5, a few rainy days and my first paycheck, now I’ve seasoned my pitch and walk with a little extra spice in my step.

Yesterday on my last block, a frail old man answered the door and I spoke too fast for him to understand. After about 3 repeats he just said “are you hungry, come I have fresh fruit”. In better judgement I would have declined the offer. Seeing as it was nearly the end of my shift and I was in fact hungry, fresh fruit was the nicest thing I had heard all day. He had already walked into the kitchen, with an old manly stagger listing the fruits and breads, ham, cheese... leaving the door and the offer completely open.

Most of the day people look at me like I’m an alien from solar panel planet, come down to abduct them and their wallets. Which is kiiinnndaa what I am doing I guess, but I mean well. I’m just a commercial that comes to the door during the tv series or paramount production of peoples day. So naturally the response is a physical skip button with a smug undertone of why are you wasting my time.

I followed the old man into the kitchen, he pulled out rock melon, grapes, pear, kiwi. “You can make a sandwich, make yourself at home, if you’re shy I won’t look. Take what you want.” I couldn’t refuse and the door was still open, so unless this was an elaborate set up and the fridge actually emits a sleeping poison into the all the things inside, there was no need to worry.

His name is Tony and he just had a surgery or an accident that disabled his arm and leg. So in saying help yourself, he really meant it. He put everything out on the table though, with some pineapple orange juice and then took a seat. He asked me questions about the day so far. Tony had done this job before too and although he wasn’t interested in solar panels “at his age” he would still give me his time and some good food.  His wife bakes beautiful baklava and breads, he makes fig jam and wine as a hobby. I sat there for about an hour eating and sharing some Jamaican recipes my mom makes. My boss might be upset but it was the perfect end to a day of space invading residential folks.

Knocking on doors is a weird moment that repeats itself.. Hi how are you.. why are you here?...Hey how’s your day... good. what do you want? I can change my knock and change my intro but most responses end up the same. The most popular are “we can’t afford it” than I follow up with an over enthusiastic line about how the price has gone down 1/3. Or I ask when was the last time they looked into solar panels.. I’ve got to give people knowledge and keep them engaged...bam bam sales gun..

The saddest of all responses is “I don’t think we’ll be here long enough” I used to ask when/if their planning to move. . then I always got the same answer. “well I mean we are old, we don’t know how much longer we’ll be here”. OH.. That happens more times per house than I make it through my whole pitch per house. Like how do I follow that? Okay, good luck bye. .. uuhh solar panels start paying for themselves uhh in just as little as 3 years..

It’s dog eat dog... this worlds cut throat mate ..take what you can! That’s what my roommate said to me Saturday when I was offered a free souvlaki even though I wasn’t hungry. Not entirely related to my door knocking but a good segue to  break away from old people excepting death over solar energy.

This job came to me just at the time I needed. 1. Money.. 2. Confidence and honestly..3. social skills... Now I can afford to go to Japan when my visa expires. And I'm constantly face to face with people who need to know who I am and what I'm about. Usually I just frolic around making everything a metaphor, drinking tea and cleaning toilets.. Which has gotten me this far , which is good! But a new set of wheels was needed for this volks wagon. Booya.

Anyways ..Monday down , I’m Tuesday deep in the work week, I’ve been fed and loved, I met a cat in a plant and the leads I generated last week are being followed up on by sales guru’s. I feel like my calender went from 0-100 in about 8 days not to mention only 33 days left till my visa expires ... 

Untill next time.. check how much you're paying for electricity and do some research about solar energy!