Continuing the fashion of digging pack into my written past , I pulled my poetry journals out of my desk and began reading The Series of Poetic Events. For as long as I can remember I’ve used writing to unload . For better or for worse. Going back and reading my woey teenage poetry seemed like it was for worse. Ahh the coming of age scrutiny that is learning oneself and the world at the same time and never getting a grip.
Just in time for the dreaded Valentines mush, the first poem in my oldest journal was written February 13th , accompanied by a sketch of a human heart , it reads;
If my mouth spoke in rhythms
And my heart beats were words
If rocks could for a day
Soar up and above the birds
If I held you with my eyes
And my body closed with your goodbyes
Than the waves would be ever so still
Against the sands strong will
My world’s been turned upside down by you
And the hardest part is wondering
If you feel it too.
WOOOOOOOOOW.
Now I just thought about how Aaron would react to this .. it’s not about him …and I can’t remember who it would have been about.
The last thing written in this journal is extremely painful and only three lines long.
I thought I was going through a self induced writers block last year. The phrases and themes were waltzing around my head but I couldn’t turn them into anything. I say self induced because I wasn’t giving myself time. Time to sit down and write or time to love myself enough to be motivated by my own creations.
The beautiful thing about being a Mum is I get to see what the virtues of time and love created so naturally. Then comes the responsibility of ensuring I continue too nourish that creation with the virtues I posses. I want my little man to grow up seeing me express my talents confidently so he will have a bravado that will carry him to the finish line of everything he starts.
I re-read my most recent poetry journal often because it is basically the cave drawings of a me that lived freely in my own world. Aka the last accounts of me as a single woman ..
Single lady life meant being selfish in the pursuit of self love. I was my everything and it was daunting and nurturing because I was becoming strong. With Valentines Day coming up I know a lot of people are more provoked than they are passionate. As much as I love to write about love, I’d love to remind people to be their own valentine!
Stay up all night, finish that assignment and feel good about your relentless journey with knowledge. Enjoy a bubble bath till you prune! Take the time to learn a new recipe and enjoy the flavours you created. Leave the kids with a baby sitter or the husband and go enjoy a fancy Starbucks drink. SLAP YOUR OWN ASS AND SAY “DAYUM I LOOK GOOD”
Well in closing I might as well share two favourite short poems I wrote in my “recent journal”
Written the day before I met Aaron, following a fight a I had with a family member:
How do you expect me
NOT to feel?
I give life.
It comes naturally
From within me.
I am of course a woman.
Written after looking for a receipt:
October 20 2017
“Oh god.. I spent all that time looking in the wrong place”
Recycle vs garbage.
LOOK WITHIN AND MAKE THE RETURN TO LOVING YOURSELF THIS VALENTINES DAY.
Love,
Raisha
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