Friday, 24 March 2017

Selling the Solar System

As of yesterday I am employed. Name tag, clipboard and a stack of flyers. Cheesy spiel and pleasant smile. I’m not just telling people about how much they will save on electricity bills, if they install solar panels. I am bettering the future of Melbournians. Enlightening home owners of the investment that could be beneficial for the great great grand kids.

My interview was for 11 am and I got off the train at 10:42 ... a 15  minutes’ walk away, according to Google, from the office. As if nervousness wasn’t my first obstacle , my only choice was to run and get there sweaty and windblown but on time. Surprisingly in dress pants and a blazer running even feels professional like I’m chasing deadlines or possible investors. I got there 10 minutes before 11. 

It’s one of those shared office building with a set of stairs in the middle and like 600 doors with company names. The guy I spoke with told me first door on the right. But the sign on that door had a different company name. . WOE IS ME... I was way to hot and bothered in this moment.. Luckily a guy was at the desk and I asked for my interviewer person and he said “ oh yeah take a seat those guys are always late”.

The job description was flyer distribution/lead generator. I had no idea what a “lead generator” does so I spent the night before reading up on marketing terminology and why companies need lead generators. Essentially it’s a form of marketing or networking to aim a product/investment at a target demographic and then have a business follow up and make the sale. Aka I am a pown going door to door so someone else can get a king.

 On the phone I was asked questions about my previous experience in sales, marketing and cold calling. My last similar position was in about grade 7 selling meat to fundraiser for an end of the year trip.. I did good too I think I paid for more than half my trip! Anyways door to door-man-ship is a whole new ball game with your not a cute kid who wants to see parliament.

My interview turned out to be  “great so you said you can only work with us for one month. That’s fine, we’ll get your name badge and have you starting today.” Okay...great... I knew nothing about this company besides what I had read on the flyer as I filled out the form for my employment details. Electricity costs are estimated to increase 40% in the next 10 years. The cost of solar panels about 2 years ago was $10,000 which has now dropped to $3-4,000 because people are realising the potential. In fewer than 3 years the panels will have paid for themselves, just by the amount you’ll save on your bills.

I went out straight after that, it was me and a lead manager out on “the field”. He spent 45 minutes, about 30 houses, having me observe than he stepped back and observed me. The first house I did on my own, a guy asked me “so what’s the cost per kilowatt”

THIS WAS NOT ON THE PAMPHLET.

This lead manager is smooth, knows his solar knowledge and has great shoes. He is like a guru. I feel like I got sold this job and I have no idea what to do with it and it’s just going to sit in my living room until the day my kids are grown and start cleaning out old toys and my collection of useless junk.  ..We were both pretty disappointed by my overall performance but understandable as it was my first day. We (well he) did make one lead! Which out of maybe 150 houses is bad but in the field a lead is a lead so it’s good.

After I came home, I couldn’t stop rehearsing my spiel. I even woke up to write it down in the night because I had rehearsed myself to sleep and thought of a great one. The main thing is we’re not actually selling anything. We are just informing people that the government is offering a $4-5,000 rebate to home owners who install solar panels. That’s what this is allllll about. THE GREATER GOOD OF HOMEOWNERS. I have a feeling I’m going to do well. Once I know what I’m talking about and am practised it’ll come naturally.

Connecting with strangers is literally my 6 sense. I try to have a good variety of useless knowledge to be able to start or jump in conversation with anyone. Classic cars, superstitions, antioxidants, shades of lipstick....I started watching the movie American Honey last night which incidentally is about these kids travelling and selling magazines! Shia Labeouf plays the kind of lead sales dude. He says a line like “the most important moment is when they open the door and you make eye contact. It’s all about being what people want in their lives at that moment.”

Deeeeep.. Door to door marketing could very well be my calling. Or I’ve been unemployed too long and in desperation I’ve grease myself up on movie quotes and solar facts in an attempted to shift gears and keep up with the working class socialite’s. Only Monday will tell...


Until next time. I recommend watching American Honey if your into indie ish films and Shia LaBeouf <3

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Tinder vs Me

Since man and woman first trekked on this earth, there has been a desire to copulate. The intimate attraction between two beings weaned through a process of small talk, boastfulness and flirtation. Here we are in 2017, the years of awkward first dates and over priced coffees, the fundamental steps on the path to finding the mate to ones soul. This quest has been reduced to merely a swipe of the finger.

I made Tinder 2 weeks ago in a sheer moment of curious boredom... I shouldn’t pretend to sound that skeptical. When I first heard of tinder I was hearing stories about easy hook ups and cat fishes. There was some great first date romances too, actually one of my best friends has been in a successful relationship for like 2 years with a guy she met on tinder. But overall I was just not interested maybe even a bit daunted by the thought of it all.

What photos too use? What to write in my bio? Do you kiss on the first date because I don’t even know how to flirt... the first words to come out of my mouth when I met my first tinder dude were “isn’t this weird , meeting someone you don’t know through the internet.” So that should give you a pretty clear picture as to me vs. Dating.

It is sooo much easier than I expected. Tinder syncs with Facebook and chooses your last 4 profile pictures and then you can upload 2 more or self choose all 6. Boom first tier complete. Than my bio.. I spent a few minutes reading other peoples. It really ranges from “ I love puppies and treating women right” to “I’m full throttle fun adventure man *wink face. wink face* swipe right if you think you can keep up”

For the record those aren’t actual examples but they make an accurate comparison.
None of them were really helping me so I started with the basic’s
Hi there... nope
I’m a human...nope
I’m from Canada.. okay... In Melbourne for another month. . .uh I like tea and mmhmmm ..
I thought.. do I want to use this for serious or just to meet up with people and have some epic stories to tell. I ended up spending too much time writing some funny bio’s

Option one- What's I’m about
I’m a lover of food, art, music and people who are passionate about their hobbies. I like to invent breakfast dishes but recently professed my love for cornflakes. I love tea and chocolates and cakes and live music. I can dance. A Columbian woman told me so!

Option two- Serious face
Looking for forever. Someone who wants to find a soul mate. Long walks on the beach, eating ice cream and watching the sunset. Ideal candidate must have 3-5 years prior experience and available evening and weekends. A college or higher education is preferred but not compulsory . Inquire within.

Option three- One of my famous, weird , yet accurate, metaphors
I’m looking for someone to be my potato. I’m the mayonnaise dip looking to be paired with some fresh salty sweet potato fries. okay? or I’m gravy, ketchup, butter and salt. I’m saucy , messy , tastey, zesty, and not always solid. A potato is solid, versatile, comfort food. You are good. and I’m am good but together we are great. I’m flavour. You’re full. Together we would be "flavourful" . Able to dress it up or down but always hold it down. Appetizer or main course. yukon yellow, sweet orange or white. Turnips, yams , beets is family too. one love.

.. I should have uninstalled the app and quit.. and can you tell I was bored and hungry at this time... Anyways it took me longer to figure out what to write than it did to get my first matches but finally I went with:

“I just moved to Melbourne to live out the last 2 month of my visa, hoping to see some cool live music and enjoy my time here with good peoples! Self proclaimed interpretive dancer, planning to invent a sauce that will change the world and dedicated to informing people of Canadian celebrities other than Justin Bieber”

My house mates supported my choice of words and said it is honest and cute. Then I got my first few messages which was just more not knowing what to say, so I left Tinder alone for the rest of the day whilst I contemplated the fate of my right or left swipes.

Then along came Eugene. We talked for a few days than set a date to meet up in the city and check out some buskers. It was a chill night, there are so many buskers with a lot a different styles and Eugene is studying music so he had a really great appreciation. I just love music so we had a lot to talk about! Not a notebook-esque spark or a 50 shades of Tinder type of night, just good for my first Tinder experience.

Today we shall meet again for a picnic and a ukulele jam. I’m not even good on the uke and he studies music so it should be funny. I’m pretty surprised I’ve made it this far and it’s going good. Hopefully my next post won’t be about finding out he has a twin brother and having to slay one brother in front of the other to show my true love..

Sunday, 19 March 2017

The Illusive Middle

HELLO! Earth to blog readers I am alive! It’s been 2 or 3 weeks since my last post and man oh man do I have a lot to unload. I do wish I had fantastic stories of travelling with circus performers , hunting Shia Labeouf  art displays and falling in love. But in the break down unload is more like a compound metaphor.

Un... employed, inspired, healthy, done
Load...in the context of shit.

Yesterday marked my one month in Melbourne and I will be here for about one month more before I start travelling again, hence the title “Illusive Middle”. By April 20th ish I want to go back to Sydney, Tasmania and Brisbane to say farewell to the peoples I’ve met in Australia than my visa expires in May!

The first 2 weeks I was still backpacking until I found refuge in the loft. I settled in, looked for work, made some money doing one time jobs, biked around the city, partied and have been connecting with all the lovely humans I’ve met. Which has been a very groovy train to ride, until it starts doing loops. My fare is $6 wine, free loaded cigarettes, brunches I can’t really afford and whatever else just to fill the time.

Monotonous, is the word of the month. Answering the same questions about Canada or my future plans. Employers saying “we’re looking for someone long term, sorry” or “there’s nothing now but we’ll keep your resume  ...” (I must have spent 50% of have my savings on 20cent prints.) The cherry on top is mom saying “well isn’t it time you just came home “and my bank account would agree. I could leave earlier than my visa and get back to the excitement of being a nomad. Take my saving for one last hooray!

Buuuttt even though I’m scrubbing my way through Melbourne. Figuratively and literally. I still don’t want to go home yet. I thought about doing a student visa, or a tourist visa to extend for 3 more months. It all comes back to money... which all goes back to disappointment.

So I’d rather spend my time with people, my house mates are amazing, we dance, we laugh, their fashion choices are exciting and fabulous. My friend Josh is great company, we do crosswords, drink too much coffee, and listen to his music. I talk to strangers in between...

Recently I realised I have been filling myself with other peoples energy.  Avoiding making decisions. Procrastinating writing my blog. Giving up on job searching. Smiling and laughing and connecting. Burning holes in my savings and my lungs. Eating food in the grocery stores. Singing the same 6 songs on my ukulele for an hour. Making $30 and spending it to keep myself in the loop.

The other day I did my usual wake up 1pm go somewhere, eat lunch in Coles, sit in the park looking busy or talking to strangers. I had a nap. Than woke up and it was 6:30...pm.. I know what you’re thinking woah Raisha you rebel tell us more about your revolutionary time of siest. But I woke up and just thought what the fuck am I even doing. I went on Instagram and updated my story to some pictures of me looking all relaxed and enjoying the nature of things. I had a notification from a previous post. Someone commented something like “awe your travels are so inspirational”.I just felt like an un-load* (*refer to opening sentences)

I sat there until almost dark and just flushed out a bunch of emotion in a note book I bought. When boom. I had a revelation. An organic burst of life just hit me right in the noggin! What they call a ‘Eureka’ moment ...I got shit on by a bird... for the first time so I assume that comes with some extra luck. I can’t remember if I started to laugh or cry.. probably both and then I heard a lady flicking her lighter unsuccessfully and I asked her for a cigarette and offered to light hers.

In my book I started with this title/ news headline for my celebrity down spiral magazine front cover article. 

Coming down from a travel high; The Un-Instagramable Truths.

“Raisha Chamberlain spotted in yet another local park. The residue of slumber and stolen granola bars on her face. Her friends and family don’t know this dark depths , black as the tar accumulating on her lungs. When offered financial aid she rejects it, knowing Dad can’t afford it nor does she deserve it. Self proclaimed, self destructive and selfless. Will she rise from this murky burn out. Will she make it too Japan. Can she survive on the love of good company and cashews? Stay tuned.”

THE ANSWER IS YES. I don’t regret a single second of the last month. I went on my first Tinder date. I sold my bike to a lady in her 50’s who has never rode before and wants to learn.

It just all struck me when looked at the calendar and thought WOE IS ME. One month has felt like a really long weekend. I’ve been keeping up my spirits and my social media with one interesting thing I do a day. Today my Mother got all pert when she saw my tattoo during video chat, I told her it was a shadow and moved into better lighting..

 A wise man once said “wow Raisha I’m so proud of you, I love the things you wrote about me in your blog” That wise man is my Dad regarding my last post.. Miley Cyrus once said “keep the faith!”

I want to go to Japan when I leave here , before going home, right now I have JUST enough in my account to cover my travel plans from next month until then. There is still hope. But there is definitely no more time and money to waste. It’s all about the climb!



Ps. In an attempt to redeem my blog I will be posting every other day this week , my tinder date obviously and the lady with the bike, possibly some more bird shit stories too! <3 J

Sunday, 5 March 2017

Age Before Beauty

Why is age a threat? This unseen force taunting the livelihood of humans and pushing us all into a state of mind seemingly fuelled with envy and regret. When I was working for a crude lady in Mona Vale. She snarled at me and said “you know,  you’re still just young you have so much to learn. and I know more than you’ll ever be able too”

It was obviously directed at me as in insult, demeaning my character to boast an assertion of her time on earth. In response I said “thank you, that’s supposed to be an insult? I’ll take it as a compliment.”

I had a conversation with a friend recently, we’re both 20. The cusp of adulthood, the farewell to teens, the shit end of a youth stick? What is it like to be twenty, was the topic of conversation. Like being underwater, you’re kind of in a world where everything around is weird and you feel like you should be walking or running but you’re stuck under water loosing your breath.

Being 20 is also like being slightly out of place. Declaring a division between oneself and childhood. Working, studying, gym memberships, cars, lipstick. Whilst looking at many grown folk who talk about “when I was your age” “now’s the time to start...” “once your my age” “oh don’t worry you’re still young” . It’s off putting. There's an underlying implication that where we are now is a prime (okay yes, I’m not totally naive to the fact youth is blessing, don’t leave yet!)  but the catch is do everything now, hurry up, slow down, go here, stay and do this than go, and then get to 33 or 48 and sit there and wither?

What has recently provoked my gears to grind is a friendship with a guy in his 30’s. He talks a lot about feeling the apartheid between “successful” people his age and himself. People who have houses, degree’s , kids, nice shoes and vacations to the Swiss Alps. All that jazz. He made decisions in his life that were not conducive to that type of success. The success of people who did things right? My sister is 33 and also feeling a disadvantage in the 30’s category, her standard of worth based on her job status, home address and mental health...?

My Dad is 70, his house is paid off for, he has his own business, small but quite renowned locally. He still does odd jobs with skills he’s picked up through his life. (plumbing, painting, hauling) He never finished high school or went to college. He is a father, grandfather, step dad, uncle. One of my favourite humans on earth. Full of stories that are out of this world. I respect him, I look up to him, I see him push himself at age 70 to get up and work way to hard every day to survive.

That part scares me. I don't want to be 70 and not be able to take things slowly. That scares me back into the mindset of get a degree, get a high paying job, a house and a family to fill it, sit back at 65 and live happily every after. On the other hand I meet people who have all those things who say “ahh I wish we took time to travel before we had the kids.” “I haven’t ___ (insert once loved hobby) in years.” “yeah I really need to take a day off to go see grand dad before it’s too late.”

Here I am at 20 years. Looking at life underwater, refraction's of light, waves of emotion, voices muffled by the thick surrounding presence of my aquatic atmosphere. Perhaps that part of the metaphor is the youth. But I refuse to accept naivety as the a justification for my thinking. I’m not just some hippie or a frivolous young person ignorant to the ladder of societal status quo. Two of my biggest influences are my sister and my dad, the loves of my life I would say and at the end of the day , neither of them would change a thing.

Figure things out. Get thing’s right. Don’t waste time.

Maybe being naive starts when your older...You get to the top of the ladder and hit a brick wall. You realize you should have saw that ladder and climbed it at your own pace. Adjusted its height, painted or bedazzled it. Re-made it from wood, metal or clay. Set it up in a garden or a warehouse. Made it's base firm enough to just point straight up and look to the sky. 

What if in kindergarten, we were asked who we wanted to be instead of what we wanted to be. Replaced fireman, astronaut, doctor. With father, sister, knowledgeable, lover, determined, self proclaimed. One of my Dad’s mantra’s is “stop and smell the roses” and he does! Lately , I find myself doing the same. I like to say fuck the what (instead of what the fuck).. a bit less poetic ...easily as effective in the right situations.

I’m not saying don’t strive, don’t set goals but don’t let the pressure of it all break you down. Stripe you of your childlike senses. Youth is as much a state of mind as it is a state of time.

Anyways I haven’t taken/haven’t had the time to write a thought full piece in a while. I have a few up my sleeve, I’ve been taking the ideas, jotting down paragraphs and saving the notes. This topic especially has been wrestling with me for sometime and even more so in my travels. 

Some food for thought, I hope you came hungry and left satisfied :) <3