Age Before Beauty

Why is age a threat? This unseen force taunting the livelihood of humans and pushing us all into a state of mind seemingly fuelled with envy and regret. When I was working for a crude lady in Mona Vale. She snarled at me and said “you know,  you’re still just young you have so much to learn. and I know more than you’ll ever be able too”

It was obviously directed at me as in insult, demeaning my character to boast an assertion of her time on earth. In response I said “thank you, that’s supposed to be an insult? I’ll take it as a compliment.”

I had a conversation with a friend recently, we’re both 20. The cusp of adulthood, the farewell to teens, the shit end of a youth stick? What is it like to be twenty, was the topic of conversation. Like being underwater, you’re kind of in a world where everything around is weird and you feel like you should be walking or running but you’re stuck under water loosing your breath.

Being 20 is also like being slightly out of place. Declaring a division between oneself and childhood. Working, studying, gym memberships, cars, lipstick. Whilst looking at many grown folk who talk about “when I was your age” “now’s the time to start...” “once your my age” “oh don’t worry you’re still young” . It’s off putting. There's an underlying implication that where we are now is a prime (okay yes, I’m not totally naive to the fact youth is blessing, don’t leave yet!)  but the catch is do everything now, hurry up, slow down, go here, stay and do this than go, and then get to 33 or 48 and sit there and wither?

What has recently provoked my gears to grind is a friendship with a guy in his 30’s. He talks a lot about feeling the apartheid between “successful” people his age and himself. People who have houses, degree’s , kids, nice shoes and vacations to the Swiss Alps. All that jazz. He made decisions in his life that were not conducive to that type of success. The success of people who did things right? My sister is 33 and also feeling a disadvantage in the 30’s category, her standard of worth based on her job status, home address and mental health...?

My Dad is 70, his house is paid off for, he has his own business, small but quite renowned locally. He still does odd jobs with skills he’s picked up through his life. (plumbing, painting, hauling) He never finished high school or went to college. He is a father, grandfather, step dad, uncle. One of my favourite humans on earth. Full of stories that are out of this world. I respect him, I look up to him, I see him push himself at age 70 to get up and work way to hard every day to survive.

That part scares me. I don't want to be 70 and not be able to take things slowly. That scares me back into the mindset of get a degree, get a high paying job, a house and a family to fill it, sit back at 65 and live happily every after. On the other hand I meet people who have all those things who say “ahh I wish we took time to travel before we had the kids.” “I haven’t ___ (insert once loved hobby) in years.” “yeah I really need to take a day off to go see grand dad before it’s too late.”

Here I am at 20 years. Looking at life underwater, refraction's of light, waves of emotion, voices muffled by the thick surrounding presence of my aquatic atmosphere. Perhaps that part of the metaphor is the youth. But I refuse to accept naivety as the a justification for my thinking. I’m not just some hippie or a frivolous young person ignorant to the ladder of societal status quo. Two of my biggest influences are my sister and my dad, the loves of my life I would say and at the end of the day , neither of them would change a thing.

Figure things out. Get thing’s right. Don’t waste time.

Maybe being naive starts when your older...You get to the top of the ladder and hit a brick wall. You realize you should have saw that ladder and climbed it at your own pace. Adjusted its height, painted or bedazzled it. Re-made it from wood, metal or clay. Set it up in a garden or a warehouse. Made it's base firm enough to just point straight up and look to the sky. 

What if in kindergarten, we were asked who we wanted to be instead of what we wanted to be. Replaced fireman, astronaut, doctor. With father, sister, knowledgeable, lover, determined, self proclaimed. One of my Dad’s mantra’s is “stop and smell the roses” and he does! Lately , I find myself doing the same. I like to say fuck the what (instead of what the fuck).. a bit less poetic ...easily as effective in the right situations.

I’m not saying don’t strive, don’t set goals but don’t let the pressure of it all break you down. Stripe you of your childlike senses. Youth is as much a state of mind as it is a state of time.

Anyways I haven’t taken/haven’t had the time to write a thought full piece in a while. I have a few up my sleeve, I’ve been taking the ideas, jotting down paragraphs and saving the notes. This topic especially has been wrestling with me for sometime and even more so in my travels. 

Some food for thought, I hope you came hungry and left satisfied :) <3