Tuesday morning I called my Dad to go over the schedule of events for that evening. My responsibility was to help him get ready to board for the adventure worth a life time. A seven hour flight was the only thing between him and the family he didn't know he's missed for the last 65 years.
Since connecting through ancestry.com my Dad, his brother and his sister in law have been in contact almost daily. About 5 months of questions, stories, photos, well beings, and eventually planning to meet. It's almost impossible to describe the emotions behind the whole matter. To put it in an example, when I called my Dad the morning of his flight as we discusses the schedule there was a pause after all the details had been talked over I started to say "well..." and end the conversation but before I could his voice was overflown with anxiousness as he said "Oh I'm ALL excited".
As the well versed chauffeur I am, I arrived exactly onetime, helped Daddio load his bags and check them twice, stopped for a snack and we hit the road making record time. From the parking lot on I was basically his security guard.
"Excuse us." "Woah, watch out." "Left." "Right." "Checkin zone 5, let's move."
I have to say it brought back memories of being caught up in my own little travel whirl winds. But this was by far the greatest adventure I've ever been apart of without a ticket in hand.
The checkin lineup was plentiful, our stomachs were griped by anxiety and lack there of such fullness. Once my Dad secured his place in the snaking slither of waiting bodies, I went to get us a bite to eat. $28 later (for 2 Starbucks sandwiches and a drink...) we could enjoy small talk with the other linee's. He had become aquatinted with London Giant (physically not literally) who towered behind him in line. My security guard duties were relieved, he seemed to be the kind of chap that could at least make sure my Dad found the gate and his seat safely (even if the apocalypse hit).
As the line inched forwards toward the belly of the beast, we began our goodbyes. Coffee cup and thumbs up my Dad grinned from ear to ear posing for the first picture of his journey.
"Have a great and safe trip, see you the 27th!"
*hugs, maybe almost tears, waves*
From then on it was left to technology and waiting. On the other side his sister in law waited, just as eager and excited as we were. She assured me she'd let me know,
"As soon as I grab him off the revolving queue of humans."
As we have come to realize he strikingly resembles his brother so there wouldn't be much trouble spotting him.
In the early AM I got the memo that the eagle had landed. Shortly after I received a picture of my Dad and his brother sitting back, enjoying each others company. The stadium of fans (aka friends and family here) roared with excitement sending a wave their way.
So the rest as they usually say is history, in this case it's also the future. A future relationship between us and our uncle, aunt and cousins across the pond. A future of stories to tell our grand and great and great great grand babes. A future of peace and love found for my Dad, who lived 72 years as the single man of his family.
ps. I'm sure the first thing he did was refer to his kin as baby brother and give him 60 (something) birthday slaps.
Until next time,
peace, love and adventure!
Thursday, 8 August 2019
Thursday, 18 July 2019
Step-Motherhood
It's really scary how powerful love is. Strong enough to pull you away from everything you thought you knew and into the unknown of what you'll become. If you would have told me 3 years ago that I'd be mothering 4 children I would have lost my breath explaining all the reasons why that wouldn't be. Besides the fact that I'd be only 20 and it would almost literally be inconceivable.. Well now I loose my breath answering questions like "Can we have a snack?" "What's a hurricane?"and of course the infamous "Why?"
Everyone has those great days and those awful days, then there's this grey area in-between where you kind of don't know wether to enjoy the peace or prepare for the next incident. I would describe my experience in motherhood this same way but in hourly intervals.
A successful breakfast (hopefully) makes up the first hour of the day, the pre-coffee morning doesn't count.. the next hour includes a bit of struggle to clean up afterwards. Time is lost as everyone needs to get ready and it's usually a bit awful. From the time everyones dressed till the next meal or our next location my mama senses are tingling.
There are days when I wish someone would just put my pants on for me, tie my shoes and make sure I remembered that one item I'm going to be sooooo upset about forgetting later.
9/10 Mothers will say "I wouldn't trade it for the world". No exchanges, no refunds, no rain checks. We bought the most valuable item at Mother's R Us, children. In my case it's kind of more like someone bought me a birthday present and said
"Oh and there's a gift receipt in the bag incase it doesn't fit."
But it fits, the colour looks great on me, the patterns are beautiful and I didn't even know I liked this style. A one of a kind adornment from the independent and iconic label "StepMum.
For the first year of our relationship (it's only been a year and a half-ish) we have been weaving ourselves into the fabric of each others lives. By that I basically mean what works and what doesn't. There was a period where the babes wanted to know how to address me, Aaron opted they just call me Mum or second Mum... It didn't really feel comfortable for anyone. So now I hear my name at least 300 times in a day. (I'm not even kidding, that's 100 times each babe on average)
We know each other now. To some degree things have been figured out probably just in time for them to change again. In fact definitely just in time. Figuring is by far the hardest part, it happens over and over and over and over and over. Sometimes in a new figuration every time. I just alway remember what my step mum always says "Such is life."
I am relieved to say we made it and ready to configure the next 13,140 hours
(8760 hrs in a year + half= 1/12 years) One thing I've learned is it's easier for the my mum brain to think yearly than daily...but still by surviving each hour.
I mean surviving in the best way. As in being faced with a new challenge, learning it, conquering it and being a good example or at least being on time for whatever. Because if you ever brought a child to school 15 minutes late with one shoe, you won't care about being a good example, then you need to be the time travellers wife.
Grey areas and totally blue skies make up each day and are a testament of love. Like I said it's scary but it's also comforting to feel yourself being everything you may have needed for yourself, at one time and didn't know you were, but now for someone else.
Until next time, wish me luck or stronger coffee !
Everyone has those great days and those awful days, then there's this grey area in-between where you kind of don't know wether to enjoy the peace or prepare for the next incident. I would describe my experience in motherhood this same way but in hourly intervals.
A successful breakfast (hopefully) makes up the first hour of the day, the pre-coffee morning doesn't count.. the next hour includes a bit of struggle to clean up afterwards. Time is lost as everyone needs to get ready and it's usually a bit awful. From the time everyones dressed till the next meal or our next location my mama senses are tingling.
There are days when I wish someone would just put my pants on for me, tie my shoes and make sure I remembered that one item I'm going to be sooooo upset about forgetting later.
9/10 Mothers will say "I wouldn't trade it for the world". No exchanges, no refunds, no rain checks. We bought the most valuable item at Mother's R Us, children. In my case it's kind of more like someone bought me a birthday present and said
"Oh and there's a gift receipt in the bag incase it doesn't fit."
But it fits, the colour looks great on me, the patterns are beautiful and I didn't even know I liked this style. A one of a kind adornment from the independent and iconic label "StepMum.
For the first year of our relationship (it's only been a year and a half-ish) we have been weaving ourselves into the fabric of each others lives. By that I basically mean what works and what doesn't. There was a period where the babes wanted to know how to address me, Aaron opted they just call me Mum or second Mum... It didn't really feel comfortable for anyone. So now I hear my name at least 300 times in a day. (I'm not even kidding, that's 100 times each babe on average)
We know each other now. To some degree things have been figured out probably just in time for them to change again. In fact definitely just in time. Figuring is by far the hardest part, it happens over and over and over and over and over. Sometimes in a new figuration every time. I just alway remember what my step mum always says "Such is life."
I am relieved to say we made it and ready to configure the next 13,140 hours
(8760 hrs in a year + half= 1/12 years) One thing I've learned is it's easier for the my mum brain to think yearly than daily...but still by surviving each hour.
I mean surviving in the best way. As in being faced with a new challenge, learning it, conquering it and being a good example or at least being on time for whatever. Because if you ever brought a child to school 15 minutes late with one shoe, you won't care about being a good example, then you need to be the time travellers wife.
Grey areas and totally blue skies make up each day and are a testament of love. Like I said it's scary but it's also comforting to feel yourself being everything you may have needed for yourself, at one time and didn't know you were, but now for someone else.
Until next time, wish me luck or stronger coffee !
Friday, 28 June 2019
Table Tales
Now that Julius is starting to eat solid foods the journey of teaching table manners is seemingly a long winding road. No-one else can get away with having a foot in one hand and their food in the other at the dinner table. I'm expecting to need a tarp under the table for at least the next 4 years. The feet get shaken, banged on the table and when he lets go there's no mess. The watermelon, crackers, puree's and baby utensil end up in places you wouldn't even believe.
About 30 minutes after breakfast today I found banana in one of Julius' neck creases. One... of Julius' neck creases, so of course I had to check the rest! Then I stepped on some more banana on my way to throw the other piece out. In an exclamation of humour and surprise I looked at Julius and said "Whatttt?!" (He loves when I draw out the "T" sound)
The amount of cheekiness on his face was mesmerizing, as if he was giggling and saying
"I saved that piece for you mum!"
Babies still look cute mid vomit. I've never experienced this with any other human. Julius will be spitting up milk; smiling at me, waving his hands, wiggling his legs all without a care in the world. If babies could talk maybe that would tip the cuteness scale. Putting the faces I think look carelessly cute into words might sound more like "uuuuhhhh ahaha woopsie, sorry mum". Although, hearing "uhh gosh mum I think I'm gonnaaa.." in between sharts and spit-ups would at least allow a bit more time for me to move over. There will be more messes during his talkative years I'm sure, than I'll be wishing for silence.
Grunting is his best communication method. He has started saying "dadadadaaada" but I'm still being naive in accepting this as a sign of first words. A low long grunt usually means he's not happy. Or has to poop. I higher pitched almost screaming grunt can be excitement or frustration, depending on the situation. If I hear a short little, kind of helpless grun (not even grunty enough to be a "grunt") he's usually tired or he just pooped.
Remember playing dodge ball in elementary school? Parent hood with a baby boy is like a game of dodge stream. Every diaper change is very risky. There is an inevitable chance of rapid fire, coming at you like an invisible laser. The worst is when you think it's done so you relax, you let your guard down *psssssss pssspss* squirted you right in the chest. Shirt change number five that day and you're considering wearing amour during these diaper endeavours.
There is nothing I can think of comparable to changing a big, wet, overflowing, strange coloured, off textured, nose hair curdling diaper. If you've ever seen those memes picturing a baby with the atomic waste spattered up its back with a caption that reads something about having to throw the whole human out, that is really how it feels in the moment. Seconds later as love and better judgement ration their way into your thought process, you can turn on the shower or fill up the tub. Some times its even interesting. You can actually identify the exact foods eaten in the last 24 hours or less.
Aside from the few tiny terrors, babies are great fun. I get the pure pleasure of dedicating a portion of my every day to cuddles AND BABY GIGGLES. Once you get used to the diaper changes, sleep dis order and always remembering to bring _____, it gets a lot more manageable. We are almost seven months deep and each day I'm overflowing with little tales of Julius' hilarity.
Until next week, I wish ya'll a Happy Canada Day weekend and hope you make some new table tales of your own!!
Grunting is his best communication method. He has started saying "dadadadaaada" but I'm still being naive in accepting this as a sign of first words. A low long grunt usually means he's not happy. Or has to poop. I higher pitched almost screaming grunt can be excitement or frustration, depending on the situation. If I hear a short little, kind of helpless grun (not even grunty enough to be a "grunt") he's usually tired or he just pooped.
Remember playing dodge ball in elementary school? Parent hood with a baby boy is like a game of dodge stream. Every diaper change is very risky. There is an inevitable chance of rapid fire, coming at you like an invisible laser. The worst is when you think it's done so you relax, you let your guard down *psssssss pssspss* squirted you right in the chest. Shirt change number five that day and you're considering wearing amour during these diaper endeavours.
There is nothing I can think of comparable to changing a big, wet, overflowing, strange coloured, off textured, nose hair curdling diaper. If you've ever seen those memes picturing a baby with the atomic waste spattered up its back with a caption that reads something about having to throw the whole human out, that is really how it feels in the moment. Seconds later as love and better judgement ration their way into your thought process, you can turn on the shower or fill up the tub. Some times its even interesting. You can actually identify the exact foods eaten in the last 24 hours or less.
Aside from the few tiny terrors, babies are great fun. I get the pure pleasure of dedicating a portion of my every day to cuddles AND BABY GIGGLES. Once you get used to the diaper changes, sleep dis order and always remembering to bring _____, it gets a lot more manageable. We are almost seven months deep and each day I'm overflowing with little tales of Julius' hilarity.
Until next week, I wish ya'll a Happy Canada Day weekend and hope you make some new table tales of your own!!
Friday, 21 June 2019
Healing
When a five year old insists she needs a bandaid for a cut she got last week that "still kinda hurts though" it can be hard to say no. (at least after the fifth time..) I was in this situation where I was explaining to my step daughter that her scabs are not "bad guys" they're "good guys", who are helping her hurt skin feel better and making new skin. (She has a phrase "you be BAD guy" she uses anytime she trips, spills or looses control of whatever object she was miss using.) I started thinking about the process of healing, our physical abrasions go through such an obvious change but our emotional and mindful healing is nearly invisible.
Forgiveness- Imagine the scabs you might see on peoples chests if emotional healing happened more like physical healing. The parts of our heads where the mind was inflicted by traumas would be covered in a luscious protected layer. Would it be easier to talk about if these wounds left us with physical scars?
"Ou how did you get that nasty scratch?"
"Well... I fell out of love."
"Have you tried eating ice cream and being self deprecating?"
"Actually it's healing on its own pretty nicely, I'm just going to take care of it."
Acceptance- Ripping off the bandaids to uncover those scars will be painful, guaranteed. But not as painful as what has already been endured. Peeling those boo boo hiders off can be so satisfying. You've been careful in the shower and at the sink for weeks. Checking for the bandaid as soon as you wake up to make sure it didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Applying ointments and letting it breathe when nesscesary. Then when that little itchy feeling starts to creep in, you know its healing and can't wait to reveal a new layer of you. Something happened, you survived, here's what it will be now. Scars are basically constellations the universe is arranging on us.
Changes- At first sight of an open wound it is not uncommon for ones entire life to flash before their eyes. As if the sight of a piece of our raw self provoked this realization that we are not impenetrable.
*One single tear follows.*
The secret is not to linger on the pain nor the process of healing. Sometimes the wounds that take longest to heal are the ones we're convinced still need this and that and those and him or her. Move on and don't look back because that is not the direction you're going. If you've been ridding the waves in the ocean of whatever your problem is, pull out a paddle and get going where you need to be!
My step daughter needed another bandaid for something on the back of her ankle. She didn't mention anything about anything all day then suddenly she says
"I need a bandaid here *points to achilles* before I go to sleep Raishieeee."
Then of course she was totally immobilized by the feeling of the bandaid restricting her achilles ever so slightly.
Pain slows you down, cripples our senses and distracts us from our sweet dreams. It can be a whole new type of awful when the aches are seemingly invisible. Forgiveness, acceptance and change are just the three headlining situations I chose to identify. Whether the sting lasts years or minutes don't waste yourself on what happened. Wield yourself as an instrument for healing.
Until next week, enjoy ripping the bandaids off those thoughts or emotions you've been covering up and not allowing to breathe and heal!!!!
(kissy emoji)
Forgiveness- Imagine the scabs you might see on peoples chests if emotional healing happened more like physical healing. The parts of our heads where the mind was inflicted by traumas would be covered in a luscious protected layer. Would it be easier to talk about if these wounds left us with physical scars?
"Ou how did you get that nasty scratch?"
"Well... I fell out of love."
"Have you tried eating ice cream and being self deprecating?"
"Actually it's healing on its own pretty nicely, I'm just going to take care of it."
Acceptance- Ripping off the bandaids to uncover those scars will be painful, guaranteed. But not as painful as what has already been endured. Peeling those boo boo hiders off can be so satisfying. You've been careful in the shower and at the sink for weeks. Checking for the bandaid as soon as you wake up to make sure it didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Applying ointments and letting it breathe when nesscesary. Then when that little itchy feeling starts to creep in, you know its healing and can't wait to reveal a new layer of you. Something happened, you survived, here's what it will be now. Scars are basically constellations the universe is arranging on us.
Changes- At first sight of an open wound it is not uncommon for ones entire life to flash before their eyes. As if the sight of a piece of our raw self provoked this realization that we are not impenetrable.
*One single tear follows.*
The secret is not to linger on the pain nor the process of healing. Sometimes the wounds that take longest to heal are the ones we're convinced still need this and that and those and him or her. Move on and don't look back because that is not the direction you're going. If you've been ridding the waves in the ocean of whatever your problem is, pull out a paddle and get going where you need to be!
My step daughter needed another bandaid for something on the back of her ankle. She didn't mention anything about anything all day then suddenly she says
"I need a bandaid here *points to achilles* before I go to sleep Raishieeee."
Then of course she was totally immobilized by the feeling of the bandaid restricting her achilles ever so slightly.
Pain slows you down, cripples our senses and distracts us from our sweet dreams. It can be a whole new type of awful when the aches are seemingly invisible. Forgiveness, acceptance and change are just the three headlining situations I chose to identify. Whether the sting lasts years or minutes don't waste yourself on what happened. Wield yourself as an instrument for healing.
Until next week, enjoy ripping the bandaids off those thoughts or emotions you've been covering up and not allowing to breathe and heal!!!!
(kissy emoji)
Friday, 14 June 2019
I Just..
I just sat down the other day and started thinking about how I feel as a Mum and how I could describe my insight into this new role. Incidentally it was after I had done a spring cleaning of the whole house, knowing the fresh scent and dust freedom wouldn't last much longer than those five minutes I had to sit. I came up with a little list of two word phrases I would use to describe motherhood. Topping the list , being most relevant to me is the phrase "I just.." followed by and exclaimed in various situations.
I jussssttt saw *insert childs name*, where is she or slightly less frightening because there's safety in numbers, where are they? This is used most often in parks or any other public place. Usually in some sort of anxious, borderline angry state, on the contrary, some days at the park it's more of "I jusssst pushed you for 15 minutes straight , how about you go down the slide now." That's a tired and playful state wherein my mind is telling me sit down and my body can't stop pushing the swinging child "higher" (attempts to walk away) "HIGHER!"
I just fed you. I say this 30 minutes after breast feeding and about 15 minutes after dinner when the babes are asking if they can have a snack. This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves but I'm trying not to take it personally. I'm really working on overcoming this don't worry. 1. I tell myself it's not because my food's terrible. 2. I change the topic of conversation for five minutes than when the "I'm full" comes up again I say "ok just finish your..." and repeat this tactic until the meal gets finished or closer too. And 3. since we don't own a microwave it's easier to dish out some crackers and cheese than it is to warm up left overs.
I JUST..! Your interpretation of typed fonts has probably informed you that "I just" is said in anger. I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TOO... ; is the most common introduction to whatever question was asked about candy, toys, movies, being there yet or playing with something more valuable than it is playful. Oh and of course used to halt fighting and the touching of a siblings precious random thing. Or yelling. Or running, jumping , floor sqirming and stair sliding. Or opening kitchen drawers and putting body weight into it instead of utensils. Or playing with the soap. Or asking why. Or...
I should move on.
I just love when: we watch family movies and cozy up together, I hear someone talking to their bath toys, Julius laughs at his brother being silly, I'm asked a question that challenges me to sound like I really know what I'm talking about. One of my most proud "I just love when" moments is when we're all piled into the car on our way to something that we're actually going to be on time for. And on the way back when everyones asleep. I really just love when I hear all four babes enjoying some shenanigan that they've imaginated deeper and deeper into. I mean turning a pile of wood and a garden rake into some sort of sport with aliens and dead grass. It's messy afterwards but the type of mess that's more like a fossil of fun times than a burden.
I just remembered... This is my demise lately. Last week I left my phone at the park, another day same week my wallet at the store. I've missed appointments and came a day early for another. I'll buy pasta sauce when we have six jars at home but forget bread... Mom brain. Again don't worry I'm overcoming this as well. Also on my list of short punch lines for motherhood was; Bed time! Let's go, Not today, Not now, Not yet, I'm tired, ONE...TWO...
Now I don't mean to reduce motherhood down to short temperaments. There could never be enough of a word count available to truly sum up the infinite love and prosperity that motherhood encompasses. I'd love to hear some other personal punch lines, comment on here or my socials and tell me your two words.
I jussssttt saw *insert childs name*, where is she or slightly less frightening because there's safety in numbers, where are they? This is used most often in parks or any other public place. Usually in some sort of anxious, borderline angry state, on the contrary, some days at the park it's more of "I jusssst pushed you for 15 minutes straight , how about you go down the slide now." That's a tired and playful state wherein my mind is telling me sit down and my body can't stop pushing the swinging child "higher" (attempts to walk away) "HIGHER!"
I just fed you. I say this 30 minutes after breast feeding and about 15 minutes after dinner when the babes are asking if they can have a snack. This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves but I'm trying not to take it personally. I'm really working on overcoming this don't worry. 1. I tell myself it's not because my food's terrible. 2. I change the topic of conversation for five minutes than when the "I'm full" comes up again I say "ok just finish your..." and repeat this tactic until the meal gets finished or closer too. And 3. since we don't own a microwave it's easier to dish out some crackers and cheese than it is to warm up left overs.
I JUST..! Your interpretation of typed fonts has probably informed you that "I just" is said in anger. I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TOO... ; is the most common introduction to whatever question was asked about candy, toys, movies, being there yet or playing with something more valuable than it is playful. Oh and of course used to halt fighting and the touching of a siblings precious random thing. Or yelling. Or running, jumping , floor sqirming and stair sliding. Or opening kitchen drawers and putting body weight into it instead of utensils. Or playing with the soap. Or asking why. Or...
I should move on.
I just love when: we watch family movies and cozy up together, I hear someone talking to their bath toys, Julius laughs at his brother being silly, I'm asked a question that challenges me to sound like I really know what I'm talking about. One of my most proud "I just love when" moments is when we're all piled into the car on our way to something that we're actually going to be on time for. And on the way back when everyones asleep. I really just love when I hear all four babes enjoying some shenanigan that they've imaginated deeper and deeper into. I mean turning a pile of wood and a garden rake into some sort of sport with aliens and dead grass. It's messy afterwards but the type of mess that's more like a fossil of fun times than a burden.
I just remembered... This is my demise lately. Last week I left my phone at the park, another day same week my wallet at the store. I've missed appointments and came a day early for another. I'll buy pasta sauce when we have six jars at home but forget bread... Mom brain. Again don't worry I'm overcoming this as well. Also on my list of short punch lines for motherhood was; Bed time! Let's go, Not today, Not now, Not yet, I'm tired, ONE...TWO...
Now I don't mean to reduce motherhood down to short temperaments. There could never be enough of a word count available to truly sum up the infinite love and prosperity that motherhood encompasses. I'd love to hear some other personal punch lines, comment on here or my socials and tell me your two words.
Thursday, 6 June 2019
One Year Later
We've lived in our home for a year now and it has housed 365 plus memories. The most sharable moments have furnished this humble abode on every floor and in every room (some not so sharable ones too *cough cough wink wink*) My best and worst meals were cooked in this kitchen. The greatest snuggles have been had in all spots possible and the greatest fights. Parties were thrown, enjoyed and cleaned up after many a week ends. I gave birth to Julius right in the living room before the hardwood floors were even finished.
We came, we saw, we knocked down walls and built more usable spaces. It's still a work in progress , an unfinished piece, history in the making and I'm so proud and great full to be a part of making it our home.
The first aspiration was fitting the couch and the king bed through the front door. Since than the man of the house has been unstoppabley transforming the place inside and out. He built a shed and recruited the eldest babe to help with the finishing touches. He tore down kitchen walls and put in cabinets. I helped sand and mud during the beginning of my matt leave but for everything low to the ground there was two younger babes who enjoyed being daddies little helpers. The home is as unique as each of us because we all played a role in its fruition.
What's the first rule of fight club? Say sorry to your sibling when it's all over. Our back yard and basement have been the kickboxing ring and the karate dojo. It always starts out as a fun idea unfortunately no-one has ever came out unscathed. What's a battle wound without a good story behind it? Except when the story is told by a seven year old with a bite mark I supposed. All is fair in love and war, I tell the babes it's a good way to learn each others boundaries.
After almost a whole summer of hot dogs or chicken with rice I had to strap on my apron and meal plan some more family friendly meals. Some recipes were very well received and others quite literally trashed. The kids will try almost anything involving cheese or "chicken" especially if bribed with ice cream. That only works some days though, if there's too much cheese a complaint is filed. If there's not enough cheese a comment is dropped and if you take to long to answer "Is this chicken?" a concern is raised. Us adults like things spicy so during the week I make more elaborate meals. There's been days we couldn't finish a dish fast enough, on the contrary there's been meals we couldn't finish. But hey ice cream makes things better for us big kids too. I'm doing much better than I was a year ago.
(I'm also doing much more laundry and dishes and supervising and question answering and bath bubbling and hair styling and get ready on timing aka loving.)
Our friends are as welcomed here as our family. We have the best neighbours on both sides who have rung in a surprise birthday and a New Year with us! Coworkers have gathered after hours around the bbq and gal pals have gathered around Julius. When the music is up and the twinkle lights are hung the house becomes everybody's home for the evening right until the morning after.
I will never forget pushing a human out of me. To make the day even more memorable we get to say to our guests "Yeap right there in front of the couch!" It was perhaps the most intimate and intrinsic day of my life. Besides the whole story that's really all I can say! Our first week together the whole main level was being re floored. Newborns can really sleep through anything. (except the nights ...)
Now that the housely rigamarole is becoming just second nature to me I can't wait to start enjoying all the growth we will all share here. The kid's worlds are getting bigger and so are they. We're becoming better parents and worse sleepers. The house is transforming every season as is everything else around it. I welcome the mysteries and the duties of the next 16 years plus!
I can't wait to share it all with yous too.
Now that the housely rigamarole is becoming just second nature to me I can't wait to start enjoying all the growth we will all share here. The kid's worlds are getting bigger and so are they. We're becoming better parents and worse sleepers. The house is transforming every season as is everything else around it. I welcome the mysteries and the duties of the next 16 years plus!
I can't wait to share it all with yous too.
Friday, 31 May 2019
Poetic Interlude
Home sweet home,
the last one I'll know
cause you're all I need.
Home sweet home,
where loves grows
blossoming and blooming all around;
Preparing feasts
between the sheets
shower songs
and bedtime lulubyes.
Our oasis for
family festivities and
an assured atmosphere.
Home sweet home
I'm so glad to call you
ours.
the last one I'll know
cause you're all I need.
Home sweet home,
where loves grows
blossoming and blooming all around;
Preparing feasts
between the sheets
shower songs
and bedtime lulubyes.
Our oasis for
family festivities and
an assured atmosphere.
Home sweet home
I'm so glad to call you
ours.
Friday, 24 May 2019
Ready?
I was not ready to be a Mom or a Step Mom or come home from my voyages abroad or go across the world in the first place. I wanted and needed more time, I wasn't ready to graduate or move out or move in. It all happened so suddenly, surely I wasn't ready; to become a woman or tie my shoes or try seafood and that's just as much as I can remember.
I'm still not ready to figure out what to do next. Part of me wants to let the universe take me under its wing and fly me somewhere, like an olive branch ready to begin in the new world. My better judgement perhaps, has the next 5 years in an agenda with goals organized by colour; long term, immediate, stepping stone. The last bit of decision making left in me is the partisan for naps.
Most of the moments that shaped who I am at this very time and place I was not "ready" for. Isn't that one of the seven wonders of the world? Number seven - being ready, six- experiencing firsts, five-learning, four-loving, three-speaking up and out, two-patience and silence, NUMBER ONE..? Well if I knew that then I'd really be smart.
Have you ever had the "where I would be if..." conversation with someone? Where do you think you'd be if... you hadn't gotten that job or if you did? Where do you think you'd be if you took that chance or gave it to someone else? Yesterday my love gave me the most remarkable answer. He said "I don't like to waste energy thinking in a parallel universe when I need that energy to make my dreams a reality, with you, now. " I definitely wasn't ready for that answer. The truth is sometimes ready for us before we are for it I suppose.
Julius and I spend our days solving some of life's toughest daily conundrums (eg.what to wear, did you poop, are you hungry, is it nap time yet?) at this point in the game I'm feeling really comfortable with my mommy duties. We're 5.5 months in so half-time is just around the corner which means work and school are only a September away! Ideally I'll be staying at home until Julius starts kindergarten. Some days when I think of doing what we're doing now, for the next three years I think I may never be ready to take on the world again.
That auspicious word; ready, as if readiness decides the outcome of what is waiting. I'd like the think the most prominent change makers in the word were less than ready to make changes transpire the way they did. Maybe it was in the agenda a few days earlier or later. They could have even been watching and wishing for someone else's success on the matter.
Hence the renowned quote " I didn't choose the (insert lyfe type here) the lyfe chose me."
Right now my goal is using my energy daily to stay content with my surroundings. For me that means keeping organized and well scented. I have a daily routine of house wifery I do and I break that up by doing things that are on track with my aspirations. My aspirations long term, short term and immediately. Now that may all make me sound a bit pretentious, so let me tell you a secret... Naspire: A nap to refresh oneself and feel inspired again. Because some days (or weeks) I just need to refresh my mind before I feel ready again. Ready to put on pants or ready get a house full of humans ready to be somewhere we needed to be 15 minutes ago.
So are you ready yet?
To give yourself a break or to clock back in? Ready to prune yourself of dead weight and bloom? Ready to forgive? Probably not right.. well whatever it is you may just want to drink another coffee (or g&t), schedule yourself a 3 o'clock nap for next Wednesday and get ready to be a lot less ready and much more willing and able.
I'm still not ready to figure out what to do next. Part of me wants to let the universe take me under its wing and fly me somewhere, like an olive branch ready to begin in the new world. My better judgement perhaps, has the next 5 years in an agenda with goals organized by colour; long term, immediate, stepping stone. The last bit of decision making left in me is the partisan for naps.
Most of the moments that shaped who I am at this very time and place I was not "ready" for. Isn't that one of the seven wonders of the world? Number seven - being ready, six- experiencing firsts, five-learning, four-loving, three-speaking up and out, two-patience and silence, NUMBER ONE..? Well if I knew that then I'd really be smart.
Have you ever had the "where I would be if..." conversation with someone? Where do you think you'd be if... you hadn't gotten that job or if you did? Where do you think you'd be if you took that chance or gave it to someone else? Yesterday my love gave me the most remarkable answer. He said "I don't like to waste energy thinking in a parallel universe when I need that energy to make my dreams a reality, with you, now. " I definitely wasn't ready for that answer. The truth is sometimes ready for us before we are for it I suppose.
Julius and I spend our days solving some of life's toughest daily conundrums (eg.what to wear, did you poop, are you hungry, is it nap time yet?) at this point in the game I'm feeling really comfortable with my mommy duties. We're 5.5 months in so half-time is just around the corner which means work and school are only a September away! Ideally I'll be staying at home until Julius starts kindergarten. Some days when I think of doing what we're doing now, for the next three years I think I may never be ready to take on the world again.
That auspicious word; ready, as if readiness decides the outcome of what is waiting. I'd like the think the most prominent change makers in the word were less than ready to make changes transpire the way they did. Maybe it was in the agenda a few days earlier or later. They could have even been watching and wishing for someone else's success on the matter.
Hence the renowned quote " I didn't choose the (insert lyfe type here) the lyfe chose me."
Right now my goal is using my energy daily to stay content with my surroundings. For me that means keeping organized and well scented. I have a daily routine of house wifery I do and I break that up by doing things that are on track with my aspirations. My aspirations long term, short term and immediately. Now that may all make me sound a bit pretentious, so let me tell you a secret... Naspire: A nap to refresh oneself and feel inspired again. Because some days (or weeks) I just need to refresh my mind before I feel ready again. Ready to put on pants or ready get a house full of humans ready to be somewhere we needed to be 15 minutes ago.
So are you ready yet?
To give yourself a break or to clock back in? Ready to prune yourself of dead weight and bloom? Ready to forgive? Probably not right.. well whatever it is you may just want to drink another coffee (or g&t), schedule yourself a 3 o'clock nap for next Wednesday and get ready to be a lot less ready and much more willing and able.
Friday, 10 May 2019
Hello Again
I just realized I totally forgot to blog last week, as I pre-announced the topic would be "Things I Think I Got Away With Because I Have a Baby". It's partly to blame on something we in the industry call "mom brain"..so hows about we add; Forgetting to Blog to the list and I'll pull it out again if something remarkable comes up.
Speaking of remarkable, yesterday was my birthday, I rang in 23 years of life on earth! This week I've been gifting my self a lil' something something every day. I believe it's truly the best way to celebrate being born, it surely didn't take just a day to create a human. Imagine if we all got to celebrate from conception date to birthdate!
When I say lil' something something I genuinely mean lil, smaller than little, just tiny, "smoll" if you will, possibly even regular daily activities that I just proclaimed as gifts to moi. Nothing lavish or expensive but all very valuable to me and my life.
I started off with a shopping trip. I gave my self a small super affordable budget and set off to a thrift shop just walking distance from my house! It was the perfect time of day , the store wasn't busy and it seemed like they must have just gotten a good haul of things in. I got 2 gorgeous dresses and a track set for Julius. This was also the first time I've gotten myself a dress since being pregnant, so I was super happy I found something that fit my new body and my new needs! (eg. breastfeeding friendly neckline)
My next treat was a creativity binge. I finally got to making the adjustments to some clothing I had stacked up on my sewing table. My endeavours with clothing alterations are going so well I really feel like I can open my shopping size and gender limit. Anything with a pattern I like, that fits the season, I should be able to make into a personally tailored piece. What a treat eh! I also made myself a mixtape. Now... I drive in a vehicle without automatic locks, windows and ...no auxiliary input. So I make CD'S and listening to the same 12 songs everywhere I go. I appropriately named this disc "23".
(I'll post the playlist on my youtube channel)
One of the best gifts on earth is friendship and my Wednesday was spent in good company. Snacks and chats on a comfy couch with Julius, my good friend and my bae. I couldn't have asked for a better afternoon!
Finally the day of my Birth I had planned to get some photos developed from our maternity shoot than go check out the Hamilton Art Gallery. Neither of those things happened and I got duped by a parking metre. I just considered that all a surprise gift from the universe that came in the form of a little less learned; never be downtown during the lunch hour if you don't know your way around and you have a baby in stroller.
Today until the weekend-end I'll be in party mode!!
*que disco lights, bass and soul train *
Tomorrow we are throwing a soiree with friends , food and festivities. This will conclude my week of birth jubilations. Of course Sunday will be spent cleaning and helping the guests recover from their hearty party antics. I wish everyone reading could join in the fun!
But then again you can, enjoy spoiling yourself for a few days if you need to or want to. With simple and AFFORDABLE treats that remind you just how sweet you are!! Your favourite movie, some take out or book , enjoy some YOU time!
ps. Now that I'm finished my online biology unit, I'm harvesting some creative ingredients and getting ready to launch some more things that will be available for the public.
Until next week. Stay birthy <3
Speaking of remarkable, yesterday was my birthday, I rang in 23 years of life on earth! This week I've been gifting my self a lil' something something every day. I believe it's truly the best way to celebrate being born, it surely didn't take just a day to create a human. Imagine if we all got to celebrate from conception date to birthdate!
When I say lil' something something I genuinely mean lil, smaller than little, just tiny, "smoll" if you will, possibly even regular daily activities that I just proclaimed as gifts to moi. Nothing lavish or expensive but all very valuable to me and my life.
I started off with a shopping trip. I gave my self a small super affordable budget and set off to a thrift shop just walking distance from my house! It was the perfect time of day , the store wasn't busy and it seemed like they must have just gotten a good haul of things in. I got 2 gorgeous dresses and a track set for Julius. This was also the first time I've gotten myself a dress since being pregnant, so I was super happy I found something that fit my new body and my new needs! (eg. breastfeeding friendly neckline)
My next treat was a creativity binge. I finally got to making the adjustments to some clothing I had stacked up on my sewing table. My endeavours with clothing alterations are going so well I really feel like I can open my shopping size and gender limit. Anything with a pattern I like, that fits the season, I should be able to make into a personally tailored piece. What a treat eh! I also made myself a mixtape. Now... I drive in a vehicle without automatic locks, windows and ...no auxiliary input. So I make CD'S and listening to the same 12 songs everywhere I go. I appropriately named this disc "23".
(I'll post the playlist on my youtube channel)
One of the best gifts on earth is friendship and my Wednesday was spent in good company. Snacks and chats on a comfy couch with Julius, my good friend and my bae. I couldn't have asked for a better afternoon!
Finally the day of my Birth I had planned to get some photos developed from our maternity shoot than go check out the Hamilton Art Gallery. Neither of those things happened and I got duped by a parking metre. I just considered that all a surprise gift from the universe that came in the form of a little less learned; never be downtown during the lunch hour if you don't know your way around and you have a baby in stroller.
Today until the weekend-end I'll be in party mode!!
*que disco lights, bass and soul train *
Tomorrow we are throwing a soiree with friends , food and festivities. This will conclude my week of birth jubilations. Of course Sunday will be spent cleaning and helping the guests recover from their hearty party antics. I wish everyone reading could join in the fun!
But then again you can, enjoy spoiling yourself for a few days if you need to or want to. With simple and AFFORDABLE treats that remind you just how sweet you are!! Your favourite movie, some take out or book , enjoy some YOU time!
ps. Now that I'm finished my online biology unit, I'm harvesting some creative ingredients and getting ready to launch some more things that will be available for the public.
Until next week. Stay birthy <3
Thursday, 11 April 2019
Screen Free For A Weekend
Last weekend I challenged our household to go tech free, no video games, no aimless cellphone time and only turning on the tv after dinner for a family movie. I have to be honest I didn't think we'd make it and by Sunday afternoon I was so close to putting on a movie for the kids I just had to get out and find an errand to do. We all experienced some well needed mindfulness and a few things I'm looking forward to doing every weekend.
So how did we do it you ask? What's the secret to a happy home full of 3.5 kids and no screens? Just keep reading ..
Wednesday after school everyone got the memo that this weekend was to be tech free. They were being told this immediately after breaking up a fight about who got to be the pink Kirby in the next level. So I imagine the message sounded more like the background music heard when a character looses the game. And than it's right back to..
"Hold A"
"Jump on him"
"Wait for me"
"NOOOOOO!".
Friday the games ceased to begin. I wrote a list of "Very Fun Things to do Instead" which included: playing cards, drawing, board games or puzzles, playing outside, helping with something AND CHORES ON SUNDAY. I Believe the first thing said was "But can we play the video games tomorrow?"
My absolute most favourite moments took place in the mornings. When the sound of bouncy beds filled the upstairs. Shorty after came the pitter patter of feet down the stairs, the first person awake sat on the edge of our bed. With 1009 things to say about who snored last night. Then the sliding of dresser draws and some bigger step stomps brought the second awakee to our room. With questions about what's on todays agenda. Not too long after our room felt like a play ground for half pyjama'd kids, tumbling about the sheets as we dreamed of just having 5 more minutes.
In-between the "stop jumping!" and "yes we can have pancakes" was a moment of comfy, cuddly, communion. Everyone still had little sleep in their eyes and some drool on their mouths. We listened to all the baby babbles known in Websters Dictionary for Four Month Olds. I heard all the questions that could possibly be asked and answered in a weekend. And in a rare fraction of a minute we had one moment of silence ...or maybe I was just going deaf.
Saturday was mostly taken up by being out and about. So Sunday was really the only full day at home. It started off great, everyone had two chores to do and earned two dollars, we ate pancakes and fruits for breakfast and enjoyed a nice walk to the park than I guess the Gods of technology decided to test our patience.The rest of the day felt like 24 days in one, the kids were starting an activity before finishing the last. They were asking questions, touching just everything , play fighting, real fighting , expressing their boredom, going in and out of the house and I was one breath away from putting on a 12 hour loop of whatever movie they wanted to watch.
I read a quote once, that was much more flowery in wording but basically said, life gives you juuuuussssst what you can handle. And upon exhaling that last breath of patience I heard my phone go off and it sister was texting me about meeting up for a family hangout. Literally saved by the bell!
Monday after sharing stories from the school day there was a short pause and one of the babes said "Hey it's not the weekend can we.."
"yes" I answered
and they all ran to their desired gaming location.
This techless weekend was a perfect refresher after being inside most of the winter . From now until the coming winter we're putting more limitations on screen times. For me being home all the day , it seems every free moment I have I use a portion of it looking and posting on social media. I even loose track of the time and have a moment of uuhhh what was I doing before this .
To anyone looking to detach themselves and the fam from their screens this weekend or just on the daily, DO IT! Bring a book or word search for your commute , go for a nature walk or to a museum. Try it for a day, you may just encounter a moment you can share, like, love, say wow to, or feel sad about for real!
ps. For our next blog date, I will be a biology assignment free woman.
TTFN. ta ta for now .
So how did we do it you ask? What's the secret to a happy home full of 3.5 kids and no screens? Just keep reading ..
Wednesday after school everyone got the memo that this weekend was to be tech free. They were being told this immediately after breaking up a fight about who got to be the pink Kirby in the next level. So I imagine the message sounded more like the background music heard when a character looses the game. And than it's right back to..
"Hold A"
"Jump on him"
"Wait for me"
"NOOOOOO!".
Friday the games ceased to begin. I wrote a list of "Very Fun Things to do Instead" which included: playing cards, drawing, board games or puzzles, playing outside, helping with something AND CHORES ON SUNDAY. I Believe the first thing said was "But can we play the video games tomorrow?"
My absolute most favourite moments took place in the mornings. When the sound of bouncy beds filled the upstairs. Shorty after came the pitter patter of feet down the stairs, the first person awake sat on the edge of our bed. With 1009 things to say about who snored last night. Then the sliding of dresser draws and some bigger step stomps brought the second awakee to our room. With questions about what's on todays agenda. Not too long after our room felt like a play ground for half pyjama'd kids, tumbling about the sheets as we dreamed of just having 5 more minutes.
In-between the "stop jumping!" and "yes we can have pancakes" was a moment of comfy, cuddly, communion. Everyone still had little sleep in their eyes and some drool on their mouths. We listened to all the baby babbles known in Websters Dictionary for Four Month Olds. I heard all the questions that could possibly be asked and answered in a weekend. And in a rare fraction of a minute we had one moment of silence ...or maybe I was just going deaf.
Saturday was mostly taken up by being out and about. So Sunday was really the only full day at home. It started off great, everyone had two chores to do and earned two dollars, we ate pancakes and fruits for breakfast and enjoyed a nice walk to the park than I guess the Gods of technology decided to test our patience.The rest of the day felt like 24 days in one, the kids were starting an activity before finishing the last. They were asking questions, touching just everything , play fighting, real fighting , expressing their boredom, going in and out of the house and I was one breath away from putting on a 12 hour loop of whatever movie they wanted to watch.
I read a quote once, that was much more flowery in wording but basically said, life gives you juuuuussssst what you can handle. And upon exhaling that last breath of patience I heard my phone go off and it sister was texting me about meeting up for a family hangout. Literally saved by the bell!
Monday after sharing stories from the school day there was a short pause and one of the babes said "Hey it's not the weekend can we.."
"yes" I answered
and they all ran to their desired gaming location.
This techless weekend was a perfect refresher after being inside most of the winter . From now until the coming winter we're putting more limitations on screen times. For me being home all the day , it seems every free moment I have I use a portion of it looking and posting on social media. I even loose track of the time and have a moment of uuhhh what was I doing before this .
To anyone looking to detach themselves and the fam from their screens this weekend or just on the daily, DO IT! Bring a book or word search for your commute , go for a nature walk or to a museum. Try it for a day, you may just encounter a moment you can share, like, love, say wow to, or feel sad about for real!
ps. For our next blog date, I will be a biology assignment free woman.
TTFN. ta ta for now .
Thursday, 28 March 2019
My Ancestry Story
Since I moved to Hamilton a surprising amount of strangers have asked me the question
"Where are you from?"
This was a question I answered all the time when I was abroad , being asked in my home city is kind of funny. Aaron says it's just because I still have a small town-esque disposition but I'm sure they're just captivated by my beauty...
Anyways I always give people the same answer; I was born here but my Mother was born in Jamaica and my Father in England. I'm a first generation child!
My parent's heritages have always been something I'm proud to share and learn more about. My Mother tells the most bright and fantastic stories from her upbringing. My Father's a baby boomer who immigrated with his Mom at a young and doesn't have many stories from adolescents in England. I always just imagine him with an accent as he spoke of the days he can recall.
Through out the 60's and 70's my Mom grew up in rural township in Montego Bay. Her Father was a farmer/business man and her Mother a strong house lady. Her childhood stories involve waterfall adventures, the elders that came by and did business with her Father, her Mothers record collection and beating up bullies for her sister. She comes from a large family of 11 brothers and sister and a small livelihood.
My Father was born in Sussex England in the 50's and immigrated to Canada when he was 11. Him and my Grandmother came over by boat and his oldest sister stayed and raised her family in England. My father only knew his Father's name and that he was born in India. As far as he knew he died before the war and if my grandmother had married him our last names would have been Jolly! (that always amused me)
It was Aarons idea to buy the Ancestry DNA tests, I just thought I knew enough about my heritage to answer the questions of strangers so that's probably all I'll ever need to know. My first experience with Ancestry was when I met my cousin in Australia who had been adopted out of my family. Using Ancestry she was able to find her birth Mother (my Dads older sister) and the rest of her siblings. Now on my own ancestry journey, I was connected with another cousin who is related to me by a brother my Dad never knew he had from his Father who he also never met.
I sent my Dad the pictures of his father and his brother immediately. I would describe his joyousness as that of a kid who opens their first kinder egg! He found out about his fathers business importing and exporting goods from China to England. Which is so coincidently similar to his own business, shipping goods to the Caribbean. Talk about destiny!
My grandfather passed away in 1983 at the age of 77. My father now in his 72nd year of life has finally "met" his father.
If you are thinking about getting yourself or someone else an Ancestry DNA test I strongly recommended. It's simple and quick and you may just find someone across the world who shares a little piece of your life.
"Where are you from?"
This was a question I answered all the time when I was abroad , being asked in my home city is kind of funny. Aaron says it's just because I still have a small town-esque disposition but I'm sure they're just captivated by my beauty...
Anyways I always give people the same answer; I was born here but my Mother was born in Jamaica and my Father in England. I'm a first generation child!
My parent's heritages have always been something I'm proud to share and learn more about. My Mother tells the most bright and fantastic stories from her upbringing. My Father's a baby boomer who immigrated with his Mom at a young and doesn't have many stories from adolescents in England. I always just imagine him with an accent as he spoke of the days he can recall.
Through out the 60's and 70's my Mom grew up in rural township in Montego Bay. Her Father was a farmer/business man and her Mother a strong house lady. Her childhood stories involve waterfall adventures, the elders that came by and did business with her Father, her Mothers record collection and beating up bullies for her sister. She comes from a large family of 11 brothers and sister and a small livelihood.
My Father was born in Sussex England in the 50's and immigrated to Canada when he was 11. Him and my Grandmother came over by boat and his oldest sister stayed and raised her family in England. My father only knew his Father's name and that he was born in India. As far as he knew he died before the war and if my grandmother had married him our last names would have been Jolly! (that always amused me)
It was Aarons idea to buy the Ancestry DNA tests, I just thought I knew enough about my heritage to answer the questions of strangers so that's probably all I'll ever need to know. My first experience with Ancestry was when I met my cousin in Australia who had been adopted out of my family. Using Ancestry she was able to find her birth Mother (my Dads older sister) and the rest of her siblings. Now on my own ancestry journey, I was connected with another cousin who is related to me by a brother my Dad never knew he had from his Father who he also never met.
I sent my Dad the pictures of his father and his brother immediately. I would describe his joyousness as that of a kid who opens their first kinder egg! He found out about his fathers business importing and exporting goods from China to England. Which is so coincidently similar to his own business, shipping goods to the Caribbean. Talk about destiny!
My grandfather passed away in 1983 at the age of 77. My father now in his 72nd year of life has finally "met" his father.
If you are thinking about getting yourself or someone else an Ancestry DNA test I strongly recommended. It's simple and quick and you may just find someone across the world who shares a little piece of your life.
Thursday, 14 March 2019
Living My Breast Life
Julius is now three months and a week old, which means I have about 1,363 more days before I can expect to get a full nights sleep. The weeks feel like long days broken up by short naps. Some days by the time Aaron comes home from work and asks how our day was the highlight is either the things I did while Julius napped or on one of those extra special days.. we both had a nice long nap.
The best advice I get from other moms or other parents is "enjoy every stage , they go by so fast". Now I understand how time can be pulled from right under my nose. (Or should I say my pillow) Three months ago I was anticipating all the things I'd be able to do when I was "finished being pregnant" as I'd say. The clothes I'd fit back into, the comfy positions I'd sleep in , the ease of getting in and out of my car. HAHAHA.
Finished being pregnant aka now carrying babe on the outside. Clothing options were still maternity wear for awhile because they were also breastfeeding accessible. Comfy sleeping positions? My new fav is what I call The Relaxed Farm Animal. It's when my baby is feeding from me and I curl around him with a half awake but peaceful facial expression. And of course if I thought getting in and out of a vehicle being 20lbs heavier was tough.. at least that was hands free. This chunky monkey weighs 18 lbs now. When I pick him up in the carseat I practically need to chalk my hands and refuel my electrolytes.
I could write a book on The Things I Thought Would Be Easier, After a Certain Point in Life. (hay I'm not the only one with that novel title on stand by right?!) Until then here are my Top Three Tips to Living the Breast Life aka three things most new Mommies (and even Daddies) should do while adjusting to life at home with a new baby.
#1. Get up and get ready every day. NO MATTER HOW TIRED. Or how much forecasted vomit will ruin the outfit . Do it and thank me later. This is something I just started doing and it has changed my life. Usually I'd use that last part of that sentence to express exaggeration but I am being more accurate than the last meme you saw. It clicked for me one day when I was looking in the mirror with Julius (he loves to do this) and I resembled a starving racoon. There was some stain on my shirt that couldn't be identified as mine or Julius'. My armpits were an interesting fragrance of au de cheveux and Julius was wearing a brand new onesie looking like poster child for My Mom Needs an Extreme Make Over. I could almost hear our reflection whisper "MOVE THAT BUSS". We now have a casual morning routine. Wake up, stretch /play, change diaper , make bed , and then I get ready in an outfit that makes me feel comfy and cute. That includes a house coat or grey track pants with a xxl gym shirt BUT I will choose a matching set of unders to add the cute element.
OK NEXT.
#2. At least one daytime nap a day. I have been exceeding the limit this week which has had a bit of a reverse affect. I'm usually a busy busy busy body, getting the dishes done, dinner prep, laundry, groceries, just out and about or crafting. It may just be day light savings that messed me up a bit this week but anyways. Usually while baby is napping it is the perfect time to get something done. And like I said before on those extra special days I nap too. Now he is napping less or shorter and I realized I am going to miss those 2 hour windows of "freedom". So to day light save on naps I found out what things I'd do while he's sleeping that I can still do while he's awake if I wear him in a sling. That is a win win, because stuff can get done and he's staying interested during his awake time. Without the day nap I noticed myself feeling very irritable and emotional, I know it was from a lack of sleep so the daytime nap tip was my first remedy choice and it helped a lot.
THANK YOU, NEXT
#3. I'm so f***king great full for being able to multitask BUT my last (definitely not least) tip is ONLY MULTI TASK IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A SUPER WOMAN (in a giggly way) aka don't be afraid to ask for help. I've had to breastfeed and use the little mommies room at the same time. I couldn't help but laugh cause both Julius and I just needed to do what we needed to do. I found the right holding position for him, slowly assumed my position and then in the wise words of Missy Elliott flipped it and reversed it. On the contrary there are times when Julius has released a monstrosity of a bowel movement just as the oven timer is going off, the kids are fighting downstairs, Aaron is outside working on our cars and I just want to cry. I know help isn't always there exactly when you need it but when it is , appreciate even the littlest tiny bit of it and use it to calm down or get ahead of laundry or go get a coffee and a donut.
*que lights and game show winner music*
A BONUS TIP. Because 5-10 times a day baby needs you to do one of the most important mum duties ...
#3.5 Make diaper changes fun. I get some of the most memorable smiles from Julius when I lay him down to change a big dirty diaper. When it's all clean I like to give him a minute of un diapered freedom. (*warning* this can be dangerous , expect anything) I blow on his belly to make an obnoxious fart sound and I'll sing a song to his toes about piggies going to markets. It makes the experience stink a lot less for both of us.
I hope everyone who has one is enjoying march break and babies!!
peace , love, and baby cries
The best advice I get from other moms or other parents is "enjoy every stage , they go by so fast". Now I understand how time can be pulled from right under my nose. (Or should I say my pillow) Three months ago I was anticipating all the things I'd be able to do when I was "finished being pregnant" as I'd say. The clothes I'd fit back into, the comfy positions I'd sleep in , the ease of getting in and out of my car. HAHAHA.
Finished being pregnant aka now carrying babe on the outside. Clothing options were still maternity wear for awhile because they were also breastfeeding accessible. Comfy sleeping positions? My new fav is what I call The Relaxed Farm Animal. It's when my baby is feeding from me and I curl around him with a half awake but peaceful facial expression. And of course if I thought getting in and out of a vehicle being 20lbs heavier was tough.. at least that was hands free. This chunky monkey weighs 18 lbs now. When I pick him up in the carseat I practically need to chalk my hands and refuel my electrolytes.
I could write a book on The Things I Thought Would Be Easier, After a Certain Point in Life. (hay I'm not the only one with that novel title on stand by right?!) Until then here are my Top Three Tips to Living the Breast Life aka three things most new Mommies (and even Daddies) should do while adjusting to life at home with a new baby.
#1. Get up and get ready every day. NO MATTER HOW TIRED. Or how much forecasted vomit will ruin the outfit . Do it and thank me later. This is something I just started doing and it has changed my life. Usually I'd use that last part of that sentence to express exaggeration but I am being more accurate than the last meme you saw. It clicked for me one day when I was looking in the mirror with Julius (he loves to do this) and I resembled a starving racoon. There was some stain on my shirt that couldn't be identified as mine or Julius'. My armpits were an interesting fragrance of au de cheveux and Julius was wearing a brand new onesie looking like poster child for My Mom Needs an Extreme Make Over. I could almost hear our reflection whisper "MOVE THAT BUSS". We now have a casual morning routine. Wake up, stretch /play, change diaper , make bed , and then I get ready in an outfit that makes me feel comfy and cute. That includes a house coat or grey track pants with a xxl gym shirt BUT I will choose a matching set of unders to add the cute element.
OK NEXT.
#2. At least one daytime nap a day. I have been exceeding the limit this week which has had a bit of a reverse affect. I'm usually a busy busy busy body, getting the dishes done, dinner prep, laundry, groceries, just out and about or crafting. It may just be day light savings that messed me up a bit this week but anyways. Usually while baby is napping it is the perfect time to get something done. And like I said before on those extra special days I nap too. Now he is napping less or shorter and I realized I am going to miss those 2 hour windows of "freedom". So to day light save on naps I found out what things I'd do while he's sleeping that I can still do while he's awake if I wear him in a sling. That is a win win, because stuff can get done and he's staying interested during his awake time. Without the day nap I noticed myself feeling very irritable and emotional, I know it was from a lack of sleep so the daytime nap tip was my first remedy choice and it helped a lot.
THANK YOU, NEXT
#3. I'm so f***king great full for being able to multitask BUT my last (definitely not least) tip is ONLY MULTI TASK IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A SUPER WOMAN (in a giggly way) aka don't be afraid to ask for help. I've had to breastfeed and use the little mommies room at the same time. I couldn't help but laugh cause both Julius and I just needed to do what we needed to do. I found the right holding position for him, slowly assumed my position and then in the wise words of Missy Elliott flipped it and reversed it. On the contrary there are times when Julius has released a monstrosity of a bowel movement just as the oven timer is going off, the kids are fighting downstairs, Aaron is outside working on our cars and I just want to cry. I know help isn't always there exactly when you need it but when it is , appreciate even the littlest tiny bit of it and use it to calm down or get ahead of laundry or go get a coffee and a donut.
*que lights and game show winner music*
A BONUS TIP. Because 5-10 times a day baby needs you to do one of the most important mum duties ...
#3.5 Make diaper changes fun. I get some of the most memorable smiles from Julius when I lay him down to change a big dirty diaper. When it's all clean I like to give him a minute of un diapered freedom. (*warning* this can be dangerous , expect anything) I blow on his belly to make an obnoxious fart sound and I'll sing a song to his toes about piggies going to markets. It makes the experience stink a lot less for both of us.
I hope everyone who has one is enjoying march break and babies!!
peace , love, and baby cries
Thursday, 7 March 2019
But First, SELFIE.
I remember crying my hardest temper tantrum cry on Christmas Day (when I was about 6 years old by the way) after my sisters and cousins all got brand new, sleek, silver , flip phones. If I were to give any kids today one of those devices they'd probably ask what it does.
We used to stay up till one or two am to play Sims and Rollercoaster Tycoon. And don't even get me started with MSN messenger memories... The Much Music Countdown was our Spotify and my sister would record our favourite music videos on a VHS tape. These are sacred pre youtube-istoric memories. What fun shenanigans would connect your friends and family without a wifi password?
So there is a playground near my house that can connect to an app and be more interactive. More interactive? Then being away from screens and causing a ruckus at the park? There's also a very cool but tangley rope climbing apparatus, which I wouldn't recommend accepting a challenge from a 5 yr old on. There's a nice balance between tech and play, I was just shocked to see a tablet and cellphone friendly playground. So of course I had to go to Instagram about it.
In my at home playground equipped with free time crafting and new breastfeeding positions, I'm really trying to balance my tech use as well. Some days I think about starting a youtube channel. Another day I realize I've spent all my screen time shoe shopping. Then there's the dreaded but necessary evil of online schooling. The amount of time I spend online didn't really bother me until recently I noticed Julius had what I call The Screen Stare.
Have you ever seen a kid with their tablet or in front of the tv totally zoned out. Or that someone walking almost into you on the sidewalk. Drivers at red lights and pedestrians crossing the street. And I'm totally guilty! Id rather let the kids watch an episode of something before dinner than wrangle them up from all over the house when foods ready. I think I must take at least 150 selfies of me and Julius an hour...
(I read a fact yesterday that the average person will take 25,000 selfies in their lifetime. WHATTT. I actually thought it'd be more)
There was this extremely eerie youtube virus recently that just made my family stop and say woah, we need to get out of wifi reach, turn off data and spend some time in the real world. The virtual reality goes everywhere with us though. The minute something cute happens I can't pull out my phone fast enough to share the moment on my socials. These things just begged me to question, could I go a day without my phone? Or without any of the screens in my home.
I really don't think I could and my excuse is I need to keep my phone on incase babe calls me from work.
*que awes and romantic background music*
Through socials I get inspired and stay connected, but sometimes the amount of content consumed a day feels like I've viewed all pages of an A-Z encyclopedia set. There's a lot out there so please be mindful of what you're putting out and taking in. Of course I'll always be a source of positivity and a little creativity :)
Ps. let me know in comments or in a personal message somewhere if you'd tune into me and the fam on a youtube channel and what type of stuff you'd like to see.
Stay wavy.
Thursday, 28 February 2019
TGIF
I got all dressed up and ready to go get me a Blossoming Rose Tea just because that's exactly how I was feeling. It was one of those I didn't know I needed it moments. Something about a warm well named tea on a cold day warms my soul. And this week has been frigid.
Today, finally I'm back to my "normal" self , feeling like I just sprouted another bud on the blossoming rose bush that is me.
Monday was one of those over productive days that made me feel bad for procrastinating so much every other day of the week.
Tuesday I napped and enjoy gifts of warmth. Which always go perfectly together.
Wednesday I was swaddled in emotion and pasta. Another perfect pair!
Yesterday I was making the trek back from a waddle up melancholy hill and wearing a striking blue eyeliner for the occasion.
Today, finally I'm back to my "normal" self , feeling like I just sprouted another bud on the blossoming rose bush that is me.
One of the most refreshing feelings that come after a week of emotional cleansing is courage. To be in the middle of myself and my uneasiness. To look right ahead to the new and better version of myself and welcome the growing pains.
After a teary talk with my love I realized I can't fix everything with rap music and tasty treats. Sometimes whatever feelings I can't get away from , need simply to get out! To be cried out, talked or walked out. (ps. Danced out is always a favoured means of energy expulsion)
This weeks particular emotional congestion was blocking me creatively and burying me with my own strength. The power my mind has to invent and feel was creating obstacles for me to run a course through. I'm not really into athletics but I know what I can handle. At least I thought so, until suddenly I couldn't handle the daily to do's in my simple day. If only I could ask Julius to do the dishes or make me a coffee..Or just sleep for eight hours...
Maternity leave has often felt like I left Earth aboard a house shaped rocket ship with a three month old as my captain. It's easy to complain after the sixth vomit stained t-shirt and the fourth 45 minute nap. But sometimes it's hard to admit that I need a break. I got this far , it's my responsibility and it's my future. My mom did it , her mom, my cousin , my grandma, basically every mom ever.
For some people its school, sports, their families business or a happy relationship. It can be too easy to complain to ourselves about not being the super achieving human we thought we'd be by like last Tuesday at 12:52pm.
LET THAT GO. Get rid of that. EW.
It may just be exactly what's stopping you from seeing you are the achieved version of human you are supposed to be right now today. We're all on the way to being the Me that will come six years or seven hours from now. AND it never stops. So take breaks, re-fuel but don't stop (beliiiieeeeeeve-iinngggg) because if anything was ever meant to be easy it was probably too good to be true OR just a fragment of the big complicated beautiful mosaic that is life.
*DEEP BREATHS*
okay, until next week
Keep your head up and stay on track .
After a teary talk with my love I realized I can't fix everything with rap music and tasty treats. Sometimes whatever feelings I can't get away from , need simply to get out! To be cried out, talked or walked out. (ps. Danced out is always a favoured means of energy expulsion)
This weeks particular emotional congestion was blocking me creatively and burying me with my own strength. The power my mind has to invent and feel was creating obstacles for me to run a course through. I'm not really into athletics but I know what I can handle. At least I thought so, until suddenly I couldn't handle the daily to do's in my simple day. If only I could ask Julius to do the dishes or make me a coffee..Or just sleep for eight hours...
Maternity leave has often felt like I left Earth aboard a house shaped rocket ship with a three month old as my captain. It's easy to complain after the sixth vomit stained t-shirt and the fourth 45 minute nap. But sometimes it's hard to admit that I need a break. I got this far , it's my responsibility and it's my future. My mom did it , her mom, my cousin , my grandma, basically every mom ever.
For some people its school, sports, their families business or a happy relationship. It can be too easy to complain to ourselves about not being the super achieving human we thought we'd be by like last Tuesday at 12:52pm.
LET THAT GO. Get rid of that. EW.
It may just be exactly what's stopping you from seeing you are the achieved version of human you are supposed to be right now today. We're all on the way to being the Me that will come six years or seven hours from now. AND it never stops. So take breaks, re-fuel but don't stop (beliiiieeeeeeve-iinngggg) because if anything was ever meant to be easy it was probably too good to be true OR just a fragment of the big complicated beautiful mosaic that is life.
*DEEP BREATHS*
okay, until next week
Keep your head up and stay on track .
Thursday, 21 February 2019
Born to Party
Tomorrow I'm celebrating a birthday! Birthdays are my favourite time of year and tomorrow will be a very special celebration because it's going to be my first surprise party. The pressures on. Yesterday I cleaned up , today I'll stock the mini fridge and make punch. Tomorrow decor will be hung and I'll prowl over the basement stairs like a grizzle bear around her young. The hardest part will be getting the surprisee to leave the house while the surprisers come in. I was not born tomorrow by the way, that would of course be difficult.
It's going to be a small and quaint siorée with just the neighbours and a co-worker. But I think my mama bear intuition started to growl when I went grocery shopping for party goods. How many plates will I need..will this be enough dip.. should I have more varieties of fruit...do the neighbours like olives?
I realized I was going through some sort of emotional frenzy when I started sweating at the check out. Every time I go shopping I swear to myself I will remember to bring reusable bags. Every time I go shopping I forget. Then as what I call a punishment I try hopelessly to carry everything to my car where the bags are waiting for me laughing.
"Are you gonna be okay?"
...Thanks for asking Rebecca but damn it no..
"yeah I left bags in my car , I always do this."
*laughter*
"Are you sure?"
...maybe you could just hold my baby while I go get some bags?..
"For sure , for sure, I parked in one of those "mother with child" spots!"
The jacket came off, wallet was in hand and Julius held the cake in his lap. All I had to do was make it to the vehicle.
And of course I did effortlessly. Tokyo drifting past those people going in the entrance and out the exit. Who has time to obey door signs when there's fruit to cut and a cake to hide! As long as the automatic doors are opening I'm getting where I need to go. Baby by my side. I really couldn't have done it without Julius either. His presence adds this ticking time bomb effect to my shopping experience. He opened his eyes once during the expedition, I closed mine praying he wasn't about to poop.
Right now sitting in my basement is a mini fridge stuffed with everything I bought except chips and cake. The cake is sitting on the passenger floor of my vehicle.
May it be known to all. February 21, 2019. The first (and probably last) time I was ever so happy, to have the cold of winter. The chill has provided me with one more anxiety-less breath to breathe. Today at least.
Last but definitely not least I need to adorn myself for the occasion.
Either a casual long sleeved dress or a pair of "party pants" with a simple shirt. Earring of course and maybe a little lipstick to seal the deal when the surprisee walks in on us all.
If by 18:00 tomorrow this mission was successful I will self proclaim myself as party queen and swear to serve all in my kingdom with the best birthdays each year.
If not I'll be blogging with embarrassment next week.
peace, love and party.
Thursday, 14 February 2019
LOVE. (not just on valentines day)
My baby boy Julius will continue to grow up and one day be buying chocolate roses for someone he fancies. Until then he'll be presenting me with odd coloured surprises and questionable expressions. He is my favourite person on earth and until April, I love him more than anything but Game of Thrones.
We spend our days attached by the breasts; nourishing each other naturally and in the closest of cuddles. Now that he knows a little bit more of the world around him, I am preparing to be the all wise and knowing Grandma. I'll be showing my grand babes Julius' last new born size diaper and using it to pat dry the tears of joy in reminisce of youth.
How can such a chublicious little human, have scared me so much me before I knew him. Being a Mum wasn't quite on my bucket list, thankfully I got the chance of a lifetime to be one. Julius coo's at me and I am so certain he has said I love you. Or maybe it is an echo from me saying it as I kiss his head and hands and feet and chin . And neck. If not Julius' first I love you I do have another Valentine's love to cry over.
Last Sunday night, going to bed without a bedtime story was being tried by a jury of 3 minors. It was minutes to 9 and our Monday morning was only hours away. The Saturday night shenanigans still burning at our feet, but we had to put on our work and school boots by 6:30am.
The staircase is painted with a baby blue sky and marshmallow soft clouds. Until the very top, where night is illuminated with glow in the dark sticker stars, on a deep dark blue attic cover. When the kids get to the top of the stairs I holler "Tell me when you're ready". Finger on the trigger , counting down 3, 2, 1... ok now".
"Goodnight!"
"Goodnight Raisha"
"I love you."
*gasp*
"Uh-eyeeii I love you guys too"
*floats to bed with flushed cheeks and a flutter*
My step babes are my other halves percentage of love that isn't changing Julius's diapers. Or putting notes in lunches. We're celebrating the anniversary of when we first met in a couple months. And this was our first I love you.
I was crying tears of love. I rowed into bed, squeezed my pillow dry and was saturated with pre-slumber dreams of the rest of our lives. There's going to be first's for our family to frolic in for years!! Julius first steps , the first to graduate, first date , who can not fight each other in the car to grandma's first.
Forever is a long time and I'm so so so great full love has no expiry date. With the amount of lint I pick from Julius' toes and other in-betweens , I'd like to appreciate the not so whimsical parts of love too. Like laundry and emergency haircuts in sticky situations. I feel very comfortable living in breast milk soaked pj's and being nurse assistant to a 5 year old. Because teddy bears get tooth aches too!
Watching these children get a year older for the rest of my life is more than I could ever wish for on cake candles.
Happy First I Love You's to all and to all a good Valentines.
xoxo Raisha's World
Thursday, 7 February 2019
BYOV (be your own valentine)
Continuing the fashion of digging pack into my written past , I pulled my poetry journals out of my desk and began reading The Series of Poetic Events. For as long as I can remember I’ve used writing to unload . For better or for worse. Going back and reading my woey teenage poetry seemed like it was for worse. Ahh the coming of age scrutiny that is learning oneself and the world at the same time and never getting a grip.
Just in time for the dreaded Valentines mush, the first poem in my oldest journal was written February 13th , accompanied by a sketch of a human heart , it reads;
If my mouth spoke in rhythms
And my heart beats were words
If rocks could for a day
Soar up and above the birds
If I held you with my eyes
And my body closed with your goodbyes
Than the waves would be ever so still
Against the sands strong will
My world’s been turned upside down by you
And the hardest part is wondering
If you feel it too.
WOOOOOOOOOW.
Now I just thought about how Aaron would react to this .. it’s not about him …and I can’t remember who it would have been about.
The last thing written in this journal is extremely painful and only three lines long.
I thought I was going through a self induced writers block last year. The phrases and themes were waltzing around my head but I couldn’t turn them into anything. I say self induced because I wasn’t giving myself time. Time to sit down and write or time to love myself enough to be motivated by my own creations.
The beautiful thing about being a Mum is I get to see what the virtues of time and love created so naturally. Then comes the responsibility of ensuring I continue too nourish that creation with the virtues I posses. I want my little man to grow up seeing me express my talents confidently so he will have a bravado that will carry him to the finish line of everything he starts.
I re-read my most recent poetry journal often because it is basically the cave drawings of a me that lived freely in my own world. Aka the last accounts of me as a single woman ..
Single lady life meant being selfish in the pursuit of self love. I was my everything and it was daunting and nurturing because I was becoming strong. With Valentines Day coming up I know a lot of people are more provoked than they are passionate. As much as I love to write about love, I’d love to remind people to be their own valentine!
Stay up all night, finish that assignment and feel good about your relentless journey with knowledge. Enjoy a bubble bath till you prune! Take the time to learn a new recipe and enjoy the flavours you created. Leave the kids with a baby sitter or the husband and go enjoy a fancy Starbucks drink. SLAP YOUR OWN ASS AND SAY “DAYUM I LOOK GOOD”
Well in closing I might as well share two favourite short poems I wrote in my “recent journal”
Written the day before I met Aaron, following a fight a I had with a family member:
How do you expect me
NOT to feel?
I give life.
It comes naturally
From within me.
I am of course a woman.
Written after looking for a receipt:
October 20 2017
“Oh god.. I spent all that time looking in the wrong place”
Recycle vs garbage.
LOOK WITHIN AND MAKE THE RETURN TO LOVING YOURSELF THIS VALENTINES DAY.
Love,
Raisha
Thursday, 31 January 2019
January 31st 2019
Hi
Since I last wrote , my world has changed. Wow. By changed I guess I really mean grown. Right into a beautiful little home and family of my own. I also painted my nails for the first time in what the perfect shade of "Lava" makes feel like forever.
I decided to break up with social media in pursuit of a real tangible community wherein I could learn, love and express myself. I was working at a chocolate factory amongst many coworkers who spoke Spanish as their first language. It was a fantastic opportunity to learn and be engaged in my work day.
My love and I met and started dating and the first word that comes to mind as I recollect those times is FIERCE.
Family is always all that and a bowl of pickles. (What does that even mean?) Relationships grew stronger in-between fights. Memories were cooked up with holiday dinners, the universe served us some side dishes we could have done without. Thankfully there's always dessert.
Being back in my birth city after a year abroad that I thought I'd never return from was an ache. I still can't stop my mind from wondering "what if?".
Amidst the friends and family asking "what's next" I danced between the joy of home making my first little apartment and the number of stat holidays I'd get from work that could be opportune as weekend trips. Last years one year plan was to save and live in my one bedroom queendom , buy a van and travel the USA. Or start a travel and tourism college course. Or teach English in Japan or Thailand. Or get my British passport and connect with my Royal family...
I spent a lot of the last year being and/or feeling unorganized and unprepared.
*que confetti , flashing lights , marching band lead by captain obvious*
Yes I'm sure 89% of people feel the same way and the other 11% are the 5% who are actually organized and prepared and 6% who are oblivious . Don't quote my figures, this is strictly between us! I mean it, I had ideas and energy and no way to properly put them in place. I blame winter. and falling in love. and marijuana. and being a janitor (again).
Then I was pregnant, which brought on EVERY. SINGLE. EMOTION. KNOWN. ON. PLANET. EARTH.
And I was a waitress , which actually made me feel strong and in charge.
Here I am as a stay at home Mom; with three step kids , an Ikea chair yet to be assembled, a tea I made at 6am and my sweet prince finally sleeping in his crib ...hopefully long enough for me to finish and edit this! (also doing some grade 11 classes that could/should have been done 6 years ago..but hey.)
My baby boy Julius was born December 8th and it was incredible. My love and I experienced the labour and the birth together at home with my two midwives who came for the finishing touches.
It's a wonder how much energy we house within every inch of our being. Enough to create a sweet little human being who knows nothing but everything of me. My step son tells me "Raisha, you know babies are the smartest people earth, they just can't talk" . When I look at our little prince cry and smile and suckle I really believe him.
I wouldn't be able to recognize and recover as well if I hadn't felt so deeply in my being some of the "un's" I did last year. My 2019 I'm focusing on whatever the opposite of "un" is at the beginning of the adjectives I will use to describe my life.
This New Year is settling in to be a very blog worthy one so don't let me skip out on this again!
Until next week. Stay warm my North American folk. Anyone reading from an atmosphere that's above 0 send help.
Since I last wrote , my world has changed. Wow. By changed I guess I really mean grown. Right into a beautiful little home and family of my own. I also painted my nails for the first time in what the perfect shade of "Lava" makes feel like forever.
I decided to break up with social media in pursuit of a real tangible community wherein I could learn, love and express myself. I was working at a chocolate factory amongst many coworkers who spoke Spanish as their first language. It was a fantastic opportunity to learn and be engaged in my work day.
My love and I met and started dating and the first word that comes to mind as I recollect those times is FIERCE.
Family is always all that and a bowl of pickles. (What does that even mean?) Relationships grew stronger in-between fights. Memories were cooked up with holiday dinners, the universe served us some side dishes we could have done without. Thankfully there's always dessert.
Being back in my birth city after a year abroad that I thought I'd never return from was an ache. I still can't stop my mind from wondering "what if?".
Amidst the friends and family asking "what's next" I danced between the joy of home making my first little apartment and the number of stat holidays I'd get from work that could be opportune as weekend trips. Last years one year plan was to save and live in my one bedroom queendom , buy a van and travel the USA. Or start a travel and tourism college course. Or teach English in Japan or Thailand. Or get my British passport and connect with my Royal family...
I spent a lot of the last year being and/or feeling unorganized and unprepared.
*que confetti , flashing lights , marching band lead by captain obvious*
Yes I'm sure 89% of people feel the same way and the other 11% are the 5% who are actually organized and prepared and 6% who are oblivious . Don't quote my figures, this is strictly between us! I mean it, I had ideas and energy and no way to properly put them in place. I blame winter. and falling in love. and marijuana. and being a janitor (again).
Then I was pregnant, which brought on EVERY. SINGLE. EMOTION. KNOWN. ON. PLANET. EARTH.
And I was a waitress , which actually made me feel strong and in charge.
Here I am as a stay at home Mom; with three step kids , an Ikea chair yet to be assembled, a tea I made at 6am and my sweet prince finally sleeping in his crib ...hopefully long enough for me to finish and edit this! (also doing some grade 11 classes that could/should have been done 6 years ago..but hey.)
My baby boy Julius was born December 8th and it was incredible. My love and I experienced the labour and the birth together at home with my two midwives who came for the finishing touches.
It's a wonder how much energy we house within every inch of our being. Enough to create a sweet little human being who knows nothing but everything of me. My step son tells me "Raisha, you know babies are the smartest people earth, they just can't talk" . When I look at our little prince cry and smile and suckle I really believe him.
I wouldn't be able to recognize and recover as well if I hadn't felt so deeply in my being some of the "un's" I did last year. My 2019 I'm focusing on whatever the opposite of "un" is at the beginning of the adjectives I will use to describe my life.
This New Year is settling in to be a very blog worthy one so don't let me skip out on this again!
Until next week. Stay warm my North American folk. Anyone reading from an atmosphere that's above 0 send help.
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